What's Love Got To Do With It?
by All4Jazzy
Summary: Jasper learns that the cost of love isn't free...He eventually meets Edward who shows him the true meaning of love...Slash/AH.  This is a love/romance story between Jasper and Edward who will eventually have everything they both dreamed of.
1. Chapter 1 Love Don't Hurt

This is a little story I decided to write to raise awareness about domestic violence in gay/lesbian relationship. I do not condone violence but wish to make the reality of abuse plain through writing. Please get involved in your local community domestic violence centers and make a difference. You can make a difference in the life of someone else...no matter who they are. This story is angsty but it depicts the reality that so many people live in everyday.

**Warning: Contains references associated to domestic violence, crude language, adult sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

**Original characters belong to SM. No infringement intended.**

Jasper's POV

"Jasper Whitlock?"

I almost didn't recognize my own name. It was shocking how easy it was to use my maiden name again. I certainly didn't want to have my married name in my charts just in case it got back to James that I was up here. I looked up as the nurse called to me from the door that led to the treatment rooms. I couldn't believe that I had finally made the decision to come to the hospital. I reluctantly stood up and shamefully walked towards her. I was so embarrassed I couldn't see straight.

As if she could read my mind, she gave me a little smile to ease my nervousness. She was an attractive brunette. Too bad I was batting for the other team. I might have been interested. I was several inches taller than she was, so she had to look up at me when I passed her to go into the back. She held a chart and I quickly looked at it and saw my name on it. She smiled empathetically at me again and closed the door behind her.

"Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yes, Ma'am." I gave her a small smile. I had made up my mind that even though I was here at Forks Hospital, I would minimize my injuries to protect James. After all, he was my husband.

She extended her hand to me. "I'm Angela and I'll be assisting Dr. Cullen this morning." I allowed her to walk ahead of me and kept my head bowed, counting the square tiles as we walked down the long hallway. "Right this way, please." We walked a little further I was vaguely aware of all the hospital equipment and medicine carts. She guided me to an examination room.

"I hate hospitals." I said meekly. "I always have."

She giggled. "Most patients do." She pointed to the chair next to the sink. She was very nice and gentle and that helped settle my nerves a little more. "Don't worry. We will take excellent care of you."

"No needles please." I couldn't stand the thought of her puncturing me with any sharp object. I had been wounded enough.

"I give you my word that you will only get a needle if you really need one." I gave her a nauseous look. She held her hand to her heart. "I promise."

"Gee thanks." I said nonchalantly earning another round of giggles.

"I'm going to take your vitals." She rolled the medical thermometer over to me and placed it under my tongue. "Hold that under your tongue until you hear the beep."

I nodded in understanding. This was always the easy part. Soon the beep came.

"Hmmm. Your temp is 101." She gave me a pitiful look as she jotted that down in my chart.

That made me concerned so I reached up and touched my forehead. I did feel a little warm. "What does that mean?"

"That means you are a feverish." She was very professional and careful to keep me calm.

"Feverish?" I asked. I didn't feel sick so I didn't know why I would have a fever.

"Yes. Any temp that is over 100 is considered to be a fever." She explained. 'It's low grade but still it's a fever."

"I mean…like what causes it. I don't have a cold or anything like that." I stated plainly. The last thing I needed was to be coming down with something. James would not be happy about that. He expected me to be at the top of my game all the time. There was no room for sickness and I knew if I couldn't perform the way he wanted me to in bed, I would be in deep shit.

She gently rubbed my shoulder to comfort me. "Oh, don't worry dear. It'll be just fine. Dr. Cullen will examine you thoroughly once he comes in and talk to you about other possible symptoms that you may be experiencing."

She rolled the thermometer back out of the way and proceeded to set the blood pressure machine up. "To answer your question, body temperature is a measure of the body's ability to generate and get rid of heat. Your body is very good at keeping its temperature within a narrow, safe range in spite of large variations in temperatures outside it. I'll spare you of all the logistics, but basically a fever can be caused by a number of things like infections…"

_Nope, I don't have infections_.

"…medicines…"

_Nope, not on any meds, unless you want to give me some pain killers_.

"…injury or trauma or even stress…"

_You got it! _

I dropped my head so she couldn't see the tears in my eyes as the realization hit me. I had my share of trauma and stress these days. Living with James and all of his stupid rules was an emotional and physical nightmare. I fought hard to keep the tears from falling but it was useless. She gave me another gentle smile as if she'd seen this a thousand times.

She put the cuff around my around arm. "You okay, sweetie?"

I nodded and bit my bottom lip to keep from sobbing. I had to lie to protect James. If he knew I was here, he would whip me with that belt for half of the night.

She shook her head and sighed, resolved not to question me further. She had a hunch that I was far from alright. I was sure she would have more questions later.

"140/93." She took the cuff off and raised my chin up with her finger to meet her eyes. "That's high for a guy your age and size. You seem to be in pretty good shape…physically at least."

More tears fell from my eyes as I silently listened to her.

"Do you have a history of hypertension in your family?" She asked, moving to retrieve a tissue from a box near the sink. She handed it to me.

"Thank you." I whispered. I cleaned my face, hoping desperately that she wouldn't start asking to many questions. "No ma'am. No history. Not to my knowledge."

She sighed again and wrote my reading in my chart. "I'm sure Dr. Cullen is going to want to talk to you about this when he comes in." She squeezed my shoulder for support but only instructed me to step on the scale.

I got up and went to stand on the scale. I kept my head down and my shoulders slumped. I was too embarrassed to let the staff and patients see how weak I was.

"Jasper, stand up straight for me please." I immediately obeyed. "170 pounds." I had lost a few pounds although I was not surprised. Between all the stresses that James put me through and him withholding food at times, it was a miracle that I even weighed that much. She wrote it down in my chart. "You can go ahead and step off the scale. I'm going to measure your height now." She didn't even need to do that. I was a solid 5 feet 11 inches all day long.

After she charted my height she led me back to the exam room where she instructed me to sit on the bed. I liked Angela and she seemed to be drawn to me. She started preparing the room for Dr. Cullen.

"Where are you from Jasper?" I knew she was making small talk to ease my nerves.

"I was born in Houston, Texas, but I've lived in Seattle since I was little." I offered, grateful that she wasn't asking too many personal questions.

Turned and gave me another calming smile. "How did you get to Forks?" She finished what she was doing and came to stand next to me.

"Um, I moved here after college." That was truth. After James and I got married, despite my parents' resistance, we moved to this little town. I think it was because he could still be close enough to the city and do business, but get me far enough away from everybody so he could have me all to himself. My parents were not allowed to come see me that often.

She smiled again. "I noticed that your birthday is December 14. That's my daughter's birthday… a Sagittarius. What do you like to do in your spare time?"

I knew she had to be busy and that the ER was probably getting backed up with patients, but somehow I felt a connection with this woman. It was as if she had to make sure I was going to mentally okay before she left.

"Um…I play the guitar and I pretty much like most performing arts. I write a lot. I used to play with a band called 100 Monkeys with a few buddies of mine, but I haven't toured with them in a while." That was another thing that James took from me when he started isolating me from any and everyone. This saddened me even more. This didn't go unnoticed.

"Jasper, you seem like a great person. I noticed on your admission sheet you stated that you are single with no kids."

I shook nervously now, but held myself together. They couldn't find out that I was married. If my husband found out that I was here…this was a small town…if someone saw me here…they could tell him…I was careful to wear my hoodie here and I chose to take the path through the woods so no one would see me.

Angela noticed my distress. "Jasper I see the ring mark on your finger. I know you're married, sweetheart."

I refused to start crying. "We're separated." I blurted that lie out so fast that I believed it myself.

_Wishful thinking._

Unfortunately I was the only one who believed me. She instantly called my bluff but decided not to press me further. "Jasper, if you need to talk, I'm here all day. I'm just going to put your chart out here for Dr. Cullen and we'll both return in a moment." She patted my shoulders again. I flinched. I had been avoiding any signs of pain when she touched me since I'd been here. I finally slipped and she noticed. She winced but stepped to put the file in the basket on the outside of the door so Dr. Cullen would know we were ready. She walked back over to me.

_Come on Jasper. Stay calm. Stop being so nervous. She already suspects that you are in some kind of abusive situation. I knew she had to be puzzled…surely I wouldn't let a woman hurt me…did she expect that I was gay too? _

I started chanting my calming mantra in my head. I was afraid of what this visit would cost me if I got caught. I began to relax a little but then her next words set me on edge again. Surely she must have heard my heart pounding in my chest.

"Jasper are you hurt?" She asked. I looked at her with fear in my eyes. Before I could raise my hand to button the collar of my white button down, she gasped at what she saw.

_Shit! I should have left my hoodie on. She probably noticed those bruises when I brought my hand up there drawing attention to it!_

"Oh Jasper!" A puff of air escaped her mouth as she looked at me with the most sincere and warm eyes I had only seen from my parents. I lowered my eyes to my hands that were now in my lap. I could no longer hold the tears back. "Jasper, sweetheart, you're badly bruised. What happened?"

I didn't have the guts to tell her that my darling husband James decided to punish me for breaking another one of his dumb rules. He became belligerent when I asked him if I could go see a movie with my good friends Jacob and Paul. They were a gay couple that I'd met during the short while I was in college at UW and we were all very close…or at least we had been before James.

I'd seen Paul at the grocery store one day when he'd come home to La Push to visit his family. Since I was well aware that La Push had grocery stores, I knew he'd come to Forks in hopes of running into me. Of course when he saw me he was excited and we hugged. Thankfully we lived on the outskirts of Forks and no one in this small town was really into James and my business. People knew we were a gay couple but pretty much left us alone. That didn't mean that people didn't know James and could tell him that they saw me hugging another man in the store.

We talked for a minute, and I was quite cognizant of the fact that we were in public and James would probably be coming home soon. He traveled a lot and did business in Seattle and Port Angeles a lot, but he always came home at the most unexpected times. I knew it was so he could keep tabs on me.

Paul had invited me to go with him and Jacob to see a movie in Port Angeles. I made up some excuse and told him that if I had a change of plans I would call him. Well I knew I wouldn't be able to call him because James monitored all of my calls. He still continued to allow me to have my cell phone, but he had full access to my account. He knew everything I did on that phone. I told Paul I would let him know by the end of the week.

When I'd asked James if I could go, he accused me of not wanting to spend time with him. I knew then that he wasn't going to let me go because he had the monopoly on all of my free time. Other than running the many errands he sent me on, I didn't have a life outside of James. He'd asked me when I had talked to Paul. I lied and told him that I hadn't talked to him. I had to. I told him that it was just an idea that I had because I had seen his Mom at the store and she told me he was coming home. If I told him I had been talking to Paul, he would have tried to keep me from going to the store, and that would have been the end of me for sure.

I know it was pathetic, but going to the grocery store was the only way I stayed sane. It was a reminder that life did exist outside of our house. He would have moved me himself if he thought I was getting to close to my friends. I was also afraid that he would make good on his promise to uproot us from Forks and move us to Florida, something he'd wanted to do for a while anyway.

Well of course, he told me I couldn't go and asked me when Paul was coming home. I lied again and told him I wasn't sure. I knew he was asking because he either was going to make sure he was home during that time, or had me followed or something to make sure I didn't sneak off to go see him. Well he called my bluff and started yelling at me for lying to him and accusing me of wanting to meet Paul so that we could be together. He'd grabbed me by my hair and pushed me into the wall. Before I knew it he'd thrown me on the floor and was impaling my neck and chest with his fist.

All I could do was cry and scream for him to stop hurting me. Afterwards, he dragged me kicking and screaming to our bedroom. He threw me on the bed and took off his belt and proceeding to whip me like I was a child. I cried and reached out for him to stop, but he just kept hitting me with rage in his eyes. After much yelling, swearing, and name calling, he ordered me to shut up and that he didn't want to hear any more crying. I knew from experience that I had to stop or he would start over again.

"Jasper?" She handed me some more tissues. "What happened? Do want to talk about it?"

I had to tell them something to get them off my back. There was no way this could get out. Even though they didn't know me here, someone who knew someone could possibly let it slip that Jasper Hale, husband of James Hale, was treated for domestic assault injuries.

"I was involved in a motorcycle accident this past weekend. I hit a rock on the turn and flipped. I landed on some old logs." It was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I hated lying to her, but it was something I'd learned to do in order to protect myself. If nothing else had come from my marriage to James, I could say that he'd helped me master the art of lying.

"It's no problem. I should have known better than to take the bike out after all of that rain. I'll be fine." The truth was that I was hurting like a son of a bitch. I had come to the hospital because it felt like James had crack one or more of my ribs. "Don't worry about me. I'm tough." I managed a fake smile, but she saw right through it.

"That must have been some fall." She paused and gave me a chance to tell her what really happened. Sensing that I was resolved to my story, she didn't press the issue further.  
>"I'm just going to step out here and see where we are in the line-up. I'll be back shortly, dear. Do you need anything?"<p>

I shook my head. "No, Ma'am. Thank you." I said politely. I was sincerely grateful for her kindness, but I was too glad when she disappeared behind the door. She left me alone in that quite room in the torture chamber of my private thoughts.

If I was honest with myself, I part of me still loved James. He was my first love, and when I had fallen in love with him, I fell hard. Our two year marriage was not always like this. In the beginning it was beautiful. When I first met him, I had only been out for about a year. He was probably the most handsome man I had ever seen. He was a blonde God, with the deepest shade of blue eyes I'd ever seen. He had an alluring smile that immediately captured my heart and lassoed me in.

He was charming and loving. He was confident and his mere presence commanded my undivided attention. I was drawn to this man and he made me feel things I had never felt before. He was a gentleman. He held doors for me, pulled out my chair at dinner, wined and dined me at the finest restaurants wherever we went. On the flip side of that, he was able to relax and just hang out with beer and pizza and a movie.

The smallest word from him had sent shivers up my spine. He was so damn gorgeous and I couldn't wait to get in bed with him. He hadn't wasted any time coming on strongly to me either. He later told me that he knew I was gay from the first time I'd met him, and that he had to have me. He wanted me in his bed and he wasn't going to stop until he had me writhing under him…under his complete control.

_If I only knew then what I know now._

Looking back at the beginning of our relationship, I could definitely see that James had actually shown me who he really was. I was just too in love with him to be able to see it at the time. It was the way he placed his hands on me as if he was claiming me as a possession. He would always insist on paying for my meals or even just a coffee. I was in college at UW when he met me, so he would insist on walking me to class or meeting me for lunch. He would want to have lunch with me every day and he'd be waiting for me most days when I got done with my last class. He became resentful of my relationship with my good friends, playfully accusing me of not wanting to be with him.

Of course he kept the real James locked away until he had me in his front pocket. Oh he could do that so well. He was very over-protective of me when we dated. He thought other guys wanted to be with me, despite the fact that I kept reassuring him that he was the only for me and that I loved him. A guy could look at me the wrong way and he'd be ready to punch him in the face. There were several occasions where I had to stop him from jumping some guys from the school, the mall, or anywhere we would go. That did concern me a little, and whenever I said something to him, he told me that he was sorry and that he only did it because he loved me.

Once he thought that_ I_ was flirting with a waiter at Dingo's, a local pub, and he ended up almost getting in another fight. Although he never physically hurt me after that incident, he didn't talk to me for over a week. He knew his isolation and rejection would send me over the edge, so he didn't call or answer my calls. Looking back I knew that was a coy to make me come running back to him, begging him to take me back. It worked because that's exactly what I did. At that point I was head over heels in love with him and I didn't want to lose him. Of course he took me back, but not before making me give him one of the best blow jobs he'd ever had and nearly fucking me into the mattress. When he was done he'd told me to never test him like that again. I promised him I wouldn't.

James had literally swept into my world, and sent me through a revolving door. He was the total package. He not only had the looks, but he was a wealthy and savvy business man. What guy wouldn't want him? I remember counting my blessings, thinking how fortunate I was to have captured his interest. He could have had any guy he wanted. Yet he was not in a relationship with anyone and he wanted me.

Knowing that I was young and recently out, he offered let me set the pace for our relationship, even though he was a natural born leader. I had no qualms with him taking the lead in our relationship. He was my top and I was his bottom and I had no issues with that dynamic at all. I not only wanted him to lead, I needed it. I craved it. He said he wanted me to be sure I was ready for a relationship with him. I should have taken that clue right then but I was too love sick to catch it.

I truly believed that at one point James really loved me. I had to believe that and refused to allow myself to believe that my judgment was that impaired. I mean I had only dated one guy for a couple of months after I officially came out at UW, but we only went out on a couple of dates. I was still a virgin when I met James and that had really appealed to him. I mean, I had exchanged hand jobs with the guy I was with for those two months, but James was my first. I guess that's why I fell so hard for him.

James was older than me by several years. I was twenty-one when I met him. He was forty-one so he was significantly older, much to my parents and friends' chagrin. Their resistance only made the challenge of winning me much more exciting for me. James had a keen tracking sense about him. He knew what he wanted and knew just how to chase it until he got it. He'd captured my scent and was on my trail, or should I say tail, until he got in my ass. Once he got there, it was impossible to get him out.

He was a skilled lover. His expertise far exceeded mine. He made me feel and experience things that I had never felt before. He took his time and knew exactly what to do to make me feel like the most important person in the world. He could drive me insane with just a small puff on air or a simple stroke or nudge, the trailing of his fingers… His lips were magical instruments in themselves. He could give me the best orgasm I'd ever experienced just by using those lips and delicate fingers of his. Oh yes- James was able to work magic in the bedroom.

The sex was so hot in the beginning. Like I said I craved the way he took charge in bed. He would say and do whatever he wanted to me, and I let him. I wanted him to. He fucked my brains out hard and fast and I reveled in every thrust. I offered no objection to the way he pounded my ass over and over, or the way he fucked my mouth like I was his bitch. I offered no argument because I _was_ his bitch…he made sure of that. I was so in love with him that I was willing to own that and all it entailed. I enjoyed it and so did he.

We began spending more and more time together. I would stay over at his apartment for days and never even see my friends. He worked during the day while I attended classes. At night we went out on the town, and I remember thinking how odd it was that he never introduced me to any of his friends. Now I know that though he had many, he chose to keep me from them too. Not only did he keep me from my friends, but he was afraid I would get close to his too.

So every night was about us. We would go to the theater or museum or to some exhibit or cultural arts fair. We'd go to wine tastings or just lounge around the apartment. Most of all we had lots of spontaneous and wild sex, sometimes to the point of sheer exhaustion. Neither of cared that we often fell on sleep on the kitchen table or the balcony naked and spent.

James decided early on that I needed a new wardrobe. I had never been much for flashy clothing, but I had always taken careful consideration in my dress. I always made sure my clothes were clean and pressed and I did make it a point to buy me something new every month. When I met James, I was blown away by the sight of his walk-in closet. He had numerous high-end designer suits that I was sure cost more than my first semester tuition. He had just as many shoes of every style and design, mostly dress or casual shoes. He had a few pairs of running shoes but he told me he preferred to only wear them when he was running.

James was very meticulous in his style. Every stitch of fabric was tailored to give that fine physique a custom fit. All of his clothes were dry clean only…even his denim and street clothes. He was particular about his appearance and hygiene and demanded the same from me. If I had a wrinkle or thread out of place that would earn me a good smack across my face, followed by insults that my parents spoiled me and didn't raise me properly. He would yell and say that he put too much money in my clothes for me to embarrass him by looking like garbage. Of course when we were dating he would handle this differently by saying that he wanted his man to look nice and that he worked too hard for his money to have me doing without. So I let him indulge me and I was always careful of my dress before I came into his presence. It was after we were married that he started to smack me around for failing to pass his inspection tests.

Paul and Jacob were happy that I'd found love in James, but they were a little apprehensive about my relationship with an older man, settled man. When I told them what side of town he lived on, they nearly panicked. They thought I was getting sucked in by all of the money and prestige that came with dating a man like James and encouraged me to slow down. Of course I objected because I liked what was happening in my life at that time and I didn't want it to slow down in the least. I loved James and I would have moved the earth for him if I could.

Despite prompting from my friends to stop spending so much time with him, I found myself quickly absorbed completely into his world. My wants and desires became obsolete. My friends didn't know what to make of this. They certainly had more experience in the dating department than I did and they were convinced that I was losing too much of myself in him. I tried to explain my relationship with James with them, but failed to really paint the picture as clear as it was for me. They just couldn't understand why I would let him change me so much and especially why I would let him dominate my time to the point where I rarely saw them. I repeatedly denied losing my identity in James, but they were not convinced. My friends loved me and understood that I was young and innocent and that James could possibly be trying to take advantage of me.

It wasn't long before he'd convinced me that all I needed was him and that he wanted to spend his all of his free time with me. I moved in with him after dating for six months and two months later we were married-just the two of us-a destination wedding. He wanted it that way with the promise of a reception when we got back where we could invite our friends and family. That never happened. I saw my friends when I could and eventually rarely even called them. It wasn't that I turned my back on them. He pulled me away from them, manipulating my emotions until I felt that I should keep contact with my friends and family to minimal so that I could love him and be solely his.

_Man were they right! I was so stupid and love sick, too afraid of letting James slip through my fingers. After the last two years with him, I realize I should have slicked my fingers with that baby oil we use as lubricant and let him slide right through. Thank God they saw what I couldn't and didn't hate me. I love those guys so much._

The problems began right after we returned from Belize where we spent our honeymoon. It was then that the writing on the wall became crystal clear, but it still took me a good while after that to come to the conclusion that I should have listened to my family and friends and not married James. He changed after we were married and then, just as he had given me a thorough education about fashion and style, he taught me his version of what marriage was supposed to be like and how I was to conduct myself as his husband. I somehow found my voice that day and tried to tell him that he was not going to control me and keep me away from my family but he ended up slapping me and telling me right quick that he was too good to me to allow me to disrespect him like that. He quickly took charge of the situation and told me that if I ever tried to leave him, he would find me and kill me. That's when I made the mistake and let him see fear in me. He knew he had me then. I would forever be trapped in his clutches.

That was the first time he took his belt to me. He whipped me and afterwards, he scooped me up in his arms and held me while I sobbed. He comforted me and told me that he didn't want to hurt me and that if I was obedient, I would have the best life with him. I was so afraid, not knowing what to expect next. I didn't want to say or do anything that would set him off again. That night he'd taken me to our bedroom and made love to me. He didn't even have an orgasm himself. I guess that was his way of apologizing and trying to make up to me for hurting me.

James always told me I had a beautiful face and though he would slap me from time to time, he didn't beat me in my face. I knew it had nothing to do with my attractiveness. It was the fact that he didn't want people asking why his husband had bruises all over him. Most of my bruises were in places that could have been easily hidden by my clothing. From that first beating to the one he gave me this morning, I knew one thing was true. I was terrified of him and I really believe with a shadow of a doubt that he would kill me. Therefore I stayed with him. I mean really. Where would I go? He'd taken my friends and separated me from everyone who mattered. He didn't allow me to work. I had dropped out of college when I married him because he wanted to move to Forks. I'd let it all go. I had nothing and nowhere to go.

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	2. Chapter 2 Seen It All Before

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Jasper's POV

"Jasper Whitlock?"

I was pulled from my thoughts as Dr. Carlisle Cullen entered my room. He extended his hand to me. He reviewed my chart, and I felt my face blush red hot when he looked up at me. He was gorgeous. He had blonde hair and blues eyes like James, but there was something softer and sweeter about him. He appeared innately different from James.

"Yes, Sir." I replied, smiling at him and shook his hand.

"So what brings you by, Jasper?"

I was secretly suspicious of him all of a sudden. What if Angela had shared her suspicions with him? What if he knew my secret? What if he knew James? He must have sensed my accelerated breathing and surely saw the slight flaring of my nostrils. He no doubt saw the minute widening of my eyes as my body began to slowly go into panic mode.

"Relax, son." He soothe as calming as he possibly could. "I just want to be sure I am treating the right thing."

I nodded and answered his question. I cleared my throat, rubbing the pain away after I did so. "I'm just not feeling well. I feel like crap."

He chuckled at my response. "Well I think I certainly treat crap."

I looked up at him and smiled again. Angela was standing beside me rubbing comforting circles in my back. Surely he was wondering why she was doing that. Nevertheless, it did help me relax. She knew _exactly_ why I felt like crap. I just wasn't so sure Dr. Cullen could treat the crap that was really wrong with me.

"I see that you're running a fever and your blood pressure is a little high. Are you trying to catch that nasty little bug that's been going around?" He returned my smile probably seeing how nervous I was. He put on some non-latex gloves since I'd marked my chart that I was allergic, and got his medical tools and went to work.

He came and stood directly in front of me. "Open wide for me, please." He instructed as he gently pulled my chin down so he could look at my throat. I was used to opening my mouth much wider than this, but this seemed to make me more nervous having him this close to me. He gave me another little smile as he plundered around in my mouth and my throat with that tongue compressor and that flashlight.

"Mmm." He offered making me more nervous as he seemingly saw something. "Your tonsils are swollen and red. Your cheeks are also red. Stick your tongue out for me." I obeyed his instructions. "Does your tongue hurt?"

"Yes,Sir." I wasn't about to tell him why I thought it hurt or why I thought my throat was in the condition it was in. That was way too embarrassing. I was comfortable with my sexuality, but I just didn't want this man to know that my husband had been shoving his cock down my throat only hours earlier.

"Are you having any other symptoms, Jasper?" I shook my head in denial. "No sneezing, coughing, chill, body aches…anything like that?

"No, Sir." I replied truthfully.

"Have you taken anything? Any medicines, supplements…anything we should know about?"

I shook my head again.

He checked my eyes and ears and then pulled out his stethoscope. "I'm going to listen to your heart and lungs, okay?" I nodded and tried not to wail when he touched my back and my chest. James had worn me out pretty good with that damn belt and I was sore all over.

"Your lungs are clear. Heart rate is a little fast." He started guiding me back on the exam table. I resisted a little and Angela was quick to reassure me that everything was alright.

"It's okay, sweetheart. He's just going to check you abdominal area."

I gawked at them like I was a gremlin. That earned me another chuckle from Dr. Cullen. "I promise to be gentle." He smile was so warming that I instantly melted with trust for him. It wasn't being hurt that I worried about. I was mostly worried about the bruises they would see. I guess one reason I had come here was that a small part of me _wanted_ them to see the bruises. At least there would be some kind of documentation. I had been doing some research on domestic violence in gay marriage and relationships and found out that it often goes unreported for several reasons. A lot of abused men are afraid of reporting abuse, but it was good to have some kind of documentation of the bruises etc for future reference.

An even greater part of me didn't want him to see me like this because he might know James. I kept reminding myself that this _was_ a small town, and that people knew James. We'd only lived here for a short time. Surely he didn't have time to meet him yet. Then I wasn't so sure because James was always involved in charity benefits that often included the medical profession. What if he met him in the future? What if he met me while I was with James at one of those events?

"Um… I think I'll be okay." I changed my mind. I couldn't let him see my chest. No way! "I think I'm just coming down with a cold."

Dr. Cullen and Angela exchanged knowing glances. Dr. Cullen exhaled and the look he gave me caused my eyes to swell with tears. I couldn't hold them back because they were coming to fast. I balled up my lips in an effort to regain control of myself. It was pointless. Once I started I couldn't stop. Dr. Cullen reached behind him and grabbed some tissues. He held them in his hand and gently pulled me into a hug. I didn't think it was unprofessional at all. He knew I was young, more so hurting, and I needed that right then. After I regain some composure, he pulled back. Angela took the tissues from him and wiped my face clean.

"Jasper, please tell us what's wrong, sweetheart. We're here to help you." Angela coaxed. I believed her, but I was so scared.

"I-I'm…I'm…" I choked on my words. "I'm so afraid." I refused to look in their eyes because I was too embarrassed that I'd let myself get in this position.

"Jasper, please look at me." I responded to Dr. Cullen's voice and stared solemnly at him. His face was full of understanding and absolutely no judgment. "You don't have to be afraid, son. I give you my word that I am not going to hurt you. I just want to look at your chest and you can tell me if I'm hurting you and I'll stop."

He was thinking that I was afraid of him. "That's not what I'm afraid of."

He gave me a little smile. "I know that son." _Well duh Jasper. This guy has been a doctor for years. Of course, he knows the difference between being afraid of the white coat and being afraid of something else._ "May I take a look."

I looked at him pleading again with my eyes to just let me go, but he reminded me so much of my father at the moment I couldn't resist him. I allowed Angela to help me recline on the table.

"Comfortable?" He asked. I nodded.

Angela came on the other side of the table and started unbuttoning my shirt. She only had to undo three buttons until she was able to see the black and blue love marks that James had given me. She finished all of them and spread my shirt for Dr. Cullen so he could properly examine me.

"Jasper, Angela informed me that you were involved in a motorcycle accident. Is that true, son?" He was examining my bruises with a careful eye, taking special care not to hurt me as promised. I paid careful attention to his face to make sure he wasn't judging me. He wasn't. I saw nothing but concern for me.

"Yes, Sir." I lied. I had to keep up this façade for fear that James would kill me if I ratted him out.

"Hmmm." That was all he said as he rubbed his hand over the imprint of the belt buckle that James hit me with.

Angela held my hand throughout the entire exam.

"Jasper, I'm going to check to make sure you don't have any broken ribs. I need for you to let me know if the pressure is too much for you to handle, okay." He knew I was lying. I was sure that I wasn't the only domestic violence victim he'd examined. He knew what was going on.

"Okay." My voice was mousy. I didn't feel like a twenty-three year old man. I felt like a weak school girl.

Dr. Cullen pressed around on my chest, earning an "ow" or "ah" from me on occasion. "Jasper I don't think there's anything that's broken. Do you mind sitting up for me so I can look at your back?"

I agreed and they helped me into a sitting position. More of the same followed and Dr. Cullen asked me to remove my jeans so he could exam my legs. After he had thoroughly examined me, I sat on the table, bruised and battered in my underwear.

"Jasper, I would like to take some pictures of your injuries for your file. That way if you come back, we'll know which areas sustained the most trauma."

I knew what he was really saying was_-"Jasper I know you're being abused and you're afraid to tell me. I've seen this so many times before, and I'm going to do what you're afraid to ask me to do and take pictures so we have documentation of your injuries."_

I nodded my consent and Angela gave him the digital camera she'd already retrieved from the cabinet. When he was done with the pictures, he asked me if there were other areas of my body that were affected. I shook my head in denial.

He didn't move away from me and I was glad because I was sitting there shaking like a scared cat. He seemed to know I needed his support.

"Jasper, I'm not going to write you a prescription for any medication, but what I'm going to do is give you enough samples to help with the inflammation and swelling in your throat and in your muscles. I'm also going to give you some pain crème for the aches and bruises, and you can take some Tylenol for the fever. I also recommend rotating ice and heat for the bruises. That should help." He motioned for Angela to hand him my shirt. He assisted me with it. "That way you won't have to worry about going to the pharmacy and through the process of having it filled. I know that they call at the most inopportune times to let you know you have a refill ready."

We stared at each other for a minute and I immediately knew that he was trying to protect me. From his experience with domestic violence, he knew I was afraid to be here and he knew that if the person who'd beaten me knew that I was here, he'd punish me for it. He also seemed to understand that I probably didn't have a phone that wasn't being closely watched, so he had to make sure the pharmacy didn't happen to call…James would have noticed the number or could have been home when they call…that would not end well for me. _Thank you Lord for this doctor._ My eyes spilled more tears as I humbly thanked him.

He reached up to wipe my face with his hands. He was absolutely the most caring doctor I'd ever met in my life. "There's no need to thank me. I'm glad to help. I just want you to know that I'm always here to help if you need me. I know those _motorcycle_ accidents can be rough. I've seen a lot of folks in here who've somehow fallen, trip, skidding, slid, and just about anything off of a motorcycle or anything akin to it." He gave me a knowing look again. "You don't have to be afraid, Jasper. There is help if you want it."

I saw Angela nodding as Dr. Cullen buttoned the last button of my shirt. He was so professional, yet fatherly. His bedside manner was impeccable.

"Your blood pressure reading concerns me, but I know that those…_motorcycle_ accidents…can cause a tremendous amount of stress and therefore a correlating rise in the blood pressure. I'm not going to put you on any medication but I tell you what I'm going to recommend. Leave the motorcycles alone…" He winked at me. "Go find you something safer to play around on. I guarantee you that you will be safer, stress free, and definitely not traumatized."

There was no way that everyone in the room didn't know what he was talking about. I respected him for respecting my privacy.

"Angela is going to get those samples ready for you, and here's my card. Call my office number any time you need to make an appointment. Make sure you put it away safely…so you won't...lose it."

Again I clearly understood the innuendo. He was warning me to put it away safely so James couldn't find it. He gathered my paperwork and prepared to leave. He stopped in front of me again and this time he didn't extend his hand. Angela had left the room to get the samples.

"Jasper, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Please understand that we are here for you. We have an excellent social worker who is well trained in the area of domestic violence. She is housed here, and she will be happy to help you; all you have to do is call. I know we can't send you home with too much paraphernalia because it might jeopardize your safety, but her number is easy for you to remember. It's the Forks area code and same first three digits. That's standard in Forks. The last four numbers is HELP."

I wiped away my tears as he confirmed my suspicion that he had known my predicament all along.

"Judging by the extent of your injuries and your current emotional state, I would strongly encourage you to call Kate as soon as possible. That's the social worker's name." He grasped my hand. "It won't get better, son, no matter how much you will it to. Do whatever you need to do get out."

"He'll kill me." I'd said the words before I realized they were falling out of my mouth. He didn't seem surprised in the least that I'd referred to my spouse as "he." He wasn't fazed at all by it. Hell, he'd probably noticed the ring mark too, if Angela hadn't clued him in on the fact that I was married.

Dr. Cullen didn't comment other than, "Call Kate. She's the expert and will be able to advised you regarding protection and safety. I know sometimes it's hard to use the phone, so the next time you're near a pay phone or computer just call or email her."

"Thank you."

He nodded. "You're very welcome, Jasper. You seem like a good kid. I have a son your age and I have to tell you that seeing you in here today is heart breaking because I hate to think about things like this happening to anyone, let alone beautiful young people with so much to gain from life. I've seen Kate work miracles. Please call her."

"I'll try." He smiled warmly somehow understanding my difficulty in taking the next step. "Your son is very lucky to have you as his Dad."

He smiled again. "Thank you, Jasper."

"Well here are the samples, and everything to get you set." Angela pronounced as she walked back into the room.

"Well, I hope I won't be seeing you under these circumstances any time soon." He handed Angela my chart after writing in it again. "Take care, son, and remember what I told you."

"I will. Thank you." With that he left. Then as quickly as he left he came back in. "I almost forgot. Did you use insurance today Jasper?"

This had to be the smartest doctor to ever live. "Um...yes, Sir."

He looked at me strangely, desperately hoping I would understand the message he was trying to convey without saying it out loud. His experience also knew that I couldn't file James' insurance because he would receive all the correspondence about this visit. Wow. Dr. Cullen really had my back on this one.

"Um…my Dad also has me covered under his private insurance." I offered to let him know I completely understood. "He gets the mail."

"Ah." He raised his finger and saluted me and left again.

Angela assisted me with applying some of the cream on my chest and back, which meant I had to take my shirt off again. She also helped me put it on my thighs and legs before I put my jeans back on. She gave me a bottle with plenty of samples and instructions on how to use them. We wrapped it up and I bid her goodbye.

She led me back to the check out area and it was then that I saw Dr. Cullen there with a man who looked to be about my age. It had to be his son because he looked just like him. Dr. Cullen waved to me which caused his son to look in my direction. He was abso-fucking-lutely hot! I immediately felt myself getting hard by merely glancing at him. I barely had time to take in his tight abs in that form fitting, skin tight t-shirt and those jeans that seemed to be painted on him. _Oh yeah someone definitely poured him into those._ He smiled out of courteousness and I waved quickly in their direction before heading out the door. He definitely had his father's DNA, but he'd super-exceeded that gene pool. WOW!

I had pulled on my hoodie so no one could clearly recognize my face. I handed the woman at the desk my checkout form, completed my paperwork, and exited the door. I decided to take a quick bathroom break before heading back home. It was a short walk, but I didn't want to wait. James had already sent me a text letting me know what he wanted for dinner. I told him that I would have to leave the house to go to the store to get some of the items. He gave me permission to leave with the understanding that I would do well to avoid unwanted and pesky friends. I knew I couldn't stay gone too long though, just in case he'd decided to come home early or something.

I exited the bathroom stall to go wash my hands and Dr. Cullen's hot son walked in.

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	3. Chapter 3 First Encounters

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Jasper's POV

Edward Cullen…WOW! Just WOW! God help me but the sight of him was enough to make me cum in pants. I immediately felt my pants tighten as my erection grew. My breath hitched in my throat and I quickly returned his nod. I washed my hands, thanking God it took the water a couple of minutes to warm up. I listened to him relieving himself like a silent voyeur. That man was too sexy for his own good.

I was drying my hands when he came out. I was suddenly embarrassed by the reason why I was here. He obviously wasn't here for something as degrading and demoralizing as domestic abuse. I was mortified at the thought of this fine specimen even knowing that I'd been stupid enough to fall into James' mess. He was the hot son of a hot doctor! What did I look like lusting after him? What gave me the right to even think I could? Besides, I'd already made my choice with James. He was still my husband. I gave him another quick nod and left. Before he could even come out of the bathroom, I'd vanished with the wind.

I loathed my life. I dreaded waking up in the mornings. There more days than a little that I wished I was dead. James, who had once been my world, was now my pending demise. I knew this. Dr. Cullen and Angela knew this. After seeing Dr. Cullen's son, I knew that there was so much more that life could offer me. His son looked liked he had everything he wanted from life. Unlike me, who need fucking permission to go by eggs from the damn grocery store! I had to find a way out of this hell hole. Thank God I didn't have any attachments to James other than that ring. It would be easy to walk away from that.

I knew if I was going to get out, I would have to do it soon. James had recently been entertaining the idea of using a surrogate to carry our children. The thought of that made me want to hurl. There was no way I could let that happened. He'd informed me that he wanted me to be the donor for all of our children. One of his sisters, whom I'd never met, had apparently agreed to donate her eggs so that the baby would biologically related to both of us. The baby would already be mine, and he'd just legally adopt it after birth so he could claim his stake. I didn't dare disagree or offer counter suggestions.

If only James could love me the way I wanted him to. I would love to have children with him. I had always wanted children…at least three, but there was no way I could father any children while I was living in this mess.

_Maybe someday…if I decide to leave James…Ugh! I don't know._

He'd often told me how beautiful I was and that I would make beautiful children for him. I knew that was just another ploy to keep me under his control. He must have suspected that at some point I might attempt to escape his imprisonment, so he figured that if we got "pregnant," I would stay with him. He was correct. He knew how badly I wanted children. He also knew that there was no way in hell I would leave our marriage without my child and there was no way he would allow me to take his child. Therefore, by all manner of deduction, I would be forced to stay with him…at least until the kids were grown.

I had no doubt that James was capable of loving a baby. Underneath all the vile, I believed that he was a great person…maybe. I don't know. I find myself so confused these days. He can be so mean and cruel, yet so loving at the same time. He was sending me mixed messages and I rarely knew what was right or wrong with him. If he truly wanted to get back at me or force me to stay, he would love that baby on purpose and get it attached to him so that he would always be a part of my life. He knew my heart would not want our baby to be away from him…unless he was hurting it, then I would gladly give my life trying to defend it. My needs wouldn't matter at all. He was banking on this level of commitment and that's why he was starting to bring up the subject of children again. I couldn't let that happen.

I sped through the forest sure that no one had followed me. I stopped by Fred's, our local grocer, on the way home to pick up the items that James wanted for dinner. Luckily, it wasn't that much stuff. James wasn't a very big eater, but he had very refined palate. I spoke to Fred, the owner and his wife, Linda, and remembered that I'd left something off of the list.

I hurried to the back of the store to retrieve my items. I knew I had to hurry now because if dinner wasn't ready when James came home, my ass was dead. I had to keep him in a good mood. I couldn't stand to take another beating like the one I had taken this morning. With my milk and eggs in my hands, I spun around on my heels, almost knocking the breath out of Dr. Cullen's stunning son.

I stared up at him, biting back a scream from the force of his shoulder hitting my bruises. "I am so sorry." I immediately apologized. I must have looked like a scared kitten. "I didn't see you there. Please, forgive me."

He flashed me another brilliant smile. I swear his teeth were absolutely perfect. He was dazzling. "It's cool. No harm done."

I returned his smiled once again feeling inferior to him. I didn't know why. I didn't even know him. Nothing about him at all…

He extended his hand out to me. "I'm Edward. I just saw you at the hospital."

I shifted my items and took his hand in my own. My calloused hands must have felt like sandpiper against his smooth skin. He was warm and open and definitely had his father's personality.

"Yeah, in the bathroom. You must be Dr. Cullen's son. I'm Jasper." There was no way I was going to tell him my last name. I didn't trust him like that. Besides we were in this store where people knew James and me. They knew we were married. I had to get out of here in a hurry. If word got back to James that I was in this store with another man, my parents would be attending my funeral…if they could find my body.

He gave me a sexy little laugh. "Yes, I'm one of two. I have an older brother, Emmett, and a sister Alice. What gave it away?"

I grinned. "You look just like him. Plus I saw you talking to him at the hospital so I assumed you were his."

He nodded and chuckled to himself. "I take that as a compliment. I've been told my father is a handsome man." He winked at me. "Do you live around here, Jasper?"

I saw red. I couldn't tell him where I live. James would be holy pissed if I gave someone our address. God I hated living my life in fear. "Um…on the outskirts."

"Hmm." He paused for a moment, giving me a chance to high-tail my ass out of this store before I got caught. "Well it was nice to meet you, Jasper. I hope I bump into you again. I'm here on break visiting my parents. It's nice to take a vacation once in a while."

"Break?" I asked almost absentmindedly.

"Yeah, we're on fall break at UW."

"Oh, you go to UW?" I asked, suddenly interested and wondering if he knew Paul and Jacob.

He nodded in affirmation. "Yep…much to my father's displeasure."

"He wanted you to go somewhere else?"

"Oh yeah." He grinned. "He went to Yale. Emmett went to Harvard. Alice is hell bent on Duke. So I was supposed to follow their predictability. I never fit into their little jell-o molds." He laughed again and I willed my dick not to tent my pants at that beautiful sound.

"UW ranks number one on the US list of prestigious medical schools for primary care. I would think Dr. Cullen would be thrilled about that." I couldn't imagine Dr. Cullen not being proud of Edward for going there.

"And you would be correct…on both of those points." We started walking back to the counter. I heard Fred talking to other customers so I knew he'd pushed my other items to the side so I wouldn't hold up the line. "Since UW is at least a three to four hour drive from here, depending on the amount of lead in your shoe, I can only assume that you are visiting too?"

Edward must have already purchased some gas or something because I didn't see anything in his hand. That meant he purposely came to the back of the store where I was, with no intention of buying anything. I handed Fred my money and finished paying for my items, pleading with my eyes not to mention this to James if he saw him. He nodded. I knew he wouldn't say anything.

Fred had witnessed an outburst of sorts between James and me one time. One night James and I had stopped by the store on the way home. He asked me to go in and grab a few items. Well, while I was in there I ran into Seth, another good pal from UW. We were talking and James saw us through the window. Luckily Seth was in his car before James decided that I'd disrespected him enough in public and decided to get out of the car and check me.

He flew into the store and came to the back where I was and snatched me up by collar. He seemed to have forgotten that Fred was watching us because he slung all kinds of insults at me, yelling about me being his god-damn husband and that I would show him some respect. Fred had asked us politely to pay for our stuff and leave. When I got back in the car, before we could even pull out of the parking lot, James reached over to the passenger side where I sat, locked my arms so I couldn't block my face, and starting slapping me repeatedly. As we pulled off, I saw Fred watching from the window with a sad look on his face. I never heard anymore of that incident so he must have kept quiet…probably for my sake.

"Um, no. I'm not visiting. I used to go to UW, but not anymore." I offered as we walked toward the door. I _really_ had to get out of there.

"Oh. Well maybe you'll return soon." There was that dazzling Cullen charm again. I began to forget about the time again. "It was nice to meet you Jasper." We walked outside and I noticed that he was driving a Volvo C30. He noticed I was walking. "Can I give you a lift home, Jasper?"

_Are you freaking kidding me? Oh my God this is so embarrassing! Oh curse James for taking the keys to that Aston Martin. He'd taken the Jaguar to work, but he could have at least let me keep the keys to the other car instead of trying to keep me under his thumb. Shit what am I thinking? James would murder me for even thinking about touching that vehicle. I am so ashamed. Not to mention this was one of the days I'd decided to bum my clothes. Forget James killing me for not having on decent clothes. I should kill myself!_

"Um, that's okay. I enjoy walking. It helps me stay in shape." _Besides if James came home and saw you there, we'd both be dead._

He opened his door and smiled again. "Oh, so _that's _how you do it?" He winked at me.

_Okay so my gaydar was already going off with this dude when we were in the store, but there was no mistaking the he was complementing me…in a I-think-you're-fine-as-hell kind of way. _

Not to brag, but I stayed in decent shape because I worked out during the day when James was at work. He liked to keep me lean, easy to handle, but firm and muscular. He didn't want me to lanky so he made sure to keep plenty of protein shakes in the house plus state of the art gym equipment so that I could stay buff for him…but not too buff. He didn't want me to be able to kick his ass. As if I would get to that point anyway…I would have to gain more weight to bulk up like that, and James wasn't hearing that. He needed to be able to throw my ass around, so he bulked up so even more than I did.

I blushed red. He knew I picked up the hint. "Well, I guess I better get going." I was glad that I'd taken my sturdy reusable grocery bag. I would have hated to have to walk all the way with flimsy plastic or paper bags. "Nice to meet you too." I turned on my heels to leave.

"Your husband is a lucky man." His voice seemed to have a whimsical chime to it. I abruptly stopped.

_What the holy fuck? _

I turned back around to see him. Had Dr. Cullen told him about me? No he wouldn't do that. Besides the fact that he was super nice and genuinely cared, he was bound by doctor-patient confidentiality laws.

As if reading my mind, he smirked. "I saw the ring mark on your finger." I was going to _have_ to remember to put some makeup over that damn thing. "And since you haven't punched me to the ground yet, I'm assuming that the person who gave you that is a man. Correct?"

_Damn!_

I recovered quickly. I couldn't show any signs that I was currently disgusted with my husband. There was no way I could even let him in on the fact that I was letting James abuse me.

"Um..." I stammered over my words. We both laughed and I was sure I was blushing red. My face felt like it was on fire. "Um…yeah. I have a husband…who is probably not going to be a happy camper if he's hungry when he gets home and there's no food ready."

He grinned. "In that case you should really come along for a ride." I blushed redder at his little innuendo. I smiled and willed my face to cool off. That clearly told me that he was very much gay and definitely a top. I had no doubt that he was an amazing one at that. "Home, I mean."

We both laughed. It was amazing how easy it was to laugh with this complete stranger. "And he definitely wouldn't appreciate coming home and seeing me get out of another's man's car." I shook my head, still laughing mostly to myself.

_If you only knew the truth in that statement._

"Well, I certainly don't need a black eye. I think I need to live long enough to at least enjoy one dinner with my folks." He gave me another blinding smile. "Besides, I really should get going too. My mother is dying to see me." He opened the door to his Volvo. "Hopefully I'll see you again, Jasper. I don't have very many friends here in Forks since we've all graduated and left home. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to besides my pesky little sister."

I just nodded and smiled. There was absolutely no way James would allow me to hang out with him. I felt so sad all of a sudden but refused to show it. I just kept smiling so this handsome man wouldn't remotely sense just how bad I wished I could go home with him and stay forever.

It would be nice to have a friend to hang out with. My best childhood friend, Kevin, lived in New York and I hadn't seen in forever. My heart was so heavy and I was thankful that he got in his car and left before I started crying. He sped off, leaving me standing there longing for things I couldn't have. He sure had a love for speed; there was no doubt about that. I felt a familiar ache in my crotch when I thought about him translating that speed to more private activities.

_Snap out of it Jasper! That man doesn't want you. He doesn't need a weak little punk like you. He definitely wouldn't be attracted to someone who was willfully being somebody's little bitch!_

There was no way James would allow me to befriend Edward Cullen. He would take one look at Edward and chain me to the wall downstairs in the basement to keep me from ever seeing him again. Edward was a god-babe which made me wonder why he was coming on to me. There had to be a ton of men and _women_ who were throwing themselves at his feet. Well, at least he was respectful once he found out I was married. That spoke volumes about his character. That wasn't a surprise though being that he was Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son. I couldn't imagine him rearing his children as anything less than desirable.

"You better be getting on home, Jasper." I hadn't even realized that Fred had come out of the store. "I'm sure James will be getting off work soon." I looked at him with a heavy heart. If one person in this world knew of my personal hell, he did. No other person in Forks had experienced it like he had.

"I don't know how to leave, Fred. I'm scared to death. I'm so afraid of him and even though he seems to downright hate me at times, I made vows to him." I dropped my head and sighed knowing full well I wouldn't be able to leave James.

"Part of me wants to honor those vows and believe he's going to get well. He's just sick right now. He's going through a rough time. I don't know what's inside of him that makes him do the things that he does, but he just needs to get help. Then he will be the James that I fell in love with."

He rubbed my arm. "Jasper listen to me, son. You're a great kid. Very respectful and you're bright. That Cullen boy comes from good stock and will do you proud. I might be old but I'm not stupid. That boy has eyes for you." I blushed again. "I saw the way he looked at you. I know you saw it too. Jasper you deserve better than that scoundrel James. You deserve someone who's going to love you and care for you and take care of you, son." His voice sounded so sincere. I was also impressed by his nonjudgmental and supportive attitude towards my sexual preference. "James will never change, Jasper. You must understand that. You need to find a way to leave him Jasper before he hurts you real bad."

I nodded, tears staining my cheeks. "If I go home to Seattle, I'm scared he'll do something to my parents or to my sister Rosalie. He's threatened them to me before. He told me he'll kill me. Fred you just don't understand. I-"

"You're right Jasper, I don't understand. Any of it! But what I do understand is that if you don't leave James Hale, he will bury you. Now if you don't remember anything else I've told you, you remember that. I've been around for a long time Jasper. I know his type. That man is the devil. He is evil and even worse he's jealous over you. He will stop at nothing to keep you all to himself. I just pray you'll find the strength to see the light at the end and follow it."

"Fred, no matter what he's done, it's hard to walk away. It's so complicated and confusing. I was young when I met him and he has been the only man that I ever loved. I fell hard for him and I don't know how to break free. I just want him to change so things could be like they use to be."

Fred sighed and squeezed my shoulder, shaking his head. He looked directly into my eyes. "_Find_ a way to leave."

I nodded through my tears. He gave me a big hug. "Thanks Fred. I am going to try."

"Good boy. I will be here with my shotgun if you need me." He pulled up his pants, cocky as hell. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thanks. I'll remember that. Well I better get going so I can get home and get this dinner done."

He hugged me again.

"Thanks again." I whispered and turned and headed back home.

James always checked on my daily activities every day. I had to give him a play-by-play of every move I made during the day. I was sure he was going to want to know what I had been doing all day. I had told him that I was going to the grocery store and would be home in no time. I hadn't counted on stopping by the hospital. If there was a God anywhere in the cosmic universe, I prayed he or she would have intervened with James calling the house phone while I was gone. If I wasn't there to answer that phone, the whipping I'd taken that morning would pale in comparison to the one he'd give me when he got home.

A/N: Well there you have it. Edward and Jasper meet for the first time…I want to do so much more with this story but I'm just not feeling that the response is there. Maybe I'm feeling this more than my readers are. LOL. The next chapter we see James. What will happen to Jasper when his husband comes back home. Read on…the next chapter shows the nature of the love-hate in an abusive relationship. Education-the abuser will often abuse his/her victim, then gift them gifts etc to "make up" for what they have done. Let's see what happens next. You might be surprised.

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	4. Chapter 4 Loving You Is Wrong

**Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed this story. First of all let me start the author's note by saying that I work with domestic violence victims and their families. Abuse is not pretty. In fact, for most, it has a lifetime of negative consequences and the end result is often bleak. I want you all to know that this story is so hard for me to write. I have cried, gotten angry, killed James and resurrected him, but I want you to know that writing angst is hard. It is emotionally taxing because you have to become your characters. I have worked with victims and it is difficult to experience what they do through writing. I want to encourage you all to please take something from this story. DV is very real and happens every minute of the day. Please get involved with your local DV centers and make a difference in someone's life.**

**I also want to educate you on the nature of abuse. Realistically speaking, abusers don't always abuse. They can actually be very loving and even gentle with their spouses/partners. They are capable of loving and do in fact care for their victims. They often buy them gifts, give them special favors, indulge them sexually, or do something they've always wanted to do in order to "apologize" or right their guilt over abusing their spouses/partners. This is called the honeymoon phase. This phase can last anywhere from minutes to weeks to even months. In some cases, years. The cycle of abuse may be different for different people, and no two people may experience all phases and many may skip most phases all together.**

**Warning:: THERE ARE LEMONS IN THIS CHAPTER. BIG TIME. If this isn't for you, then please don't read this chapter. We already know that James abuses Jasper, but we also know that Jasper is in love with his husband in spite of this. In this chapter we will see James as the honeymooner. This is necessary so you can get a glimpse of this part of the abuse cycle and why most victims choose to stay. Often times the abuser will woo his/her victim and make them feel that in spite of the constant abuse, they are loved and needed. They will often do this to keep the victim from leaving them. I couldn't write a viable abuse story without including this pertinent stage of the cycle. It is very necessary, but hold on…(keep reading to find out what happens).**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Jasper's POV

I finally made it home and headed straight for the kitchen. Since I kept our house immaculate—James wouldn't have it any other way—I didn't have to worry with cleaning. I'd taken extra care in cleaning the house yesterday because I wanted it to be sparkling when James got home to make it easier to ask him about going out with the fellows. Thank God because I was running short on time and wouldn't have been able to clean before my husband walked through that door.

The house sprawled across several acres of wooded land. We had a few neighbors but they were not close enough to be bothersome. We lived in relative peace. We had a spectacular view of the river, which gave me more serenity than I could say grace over. It was a modern, spacious home. James, with all of his meticulousness, designed every inch of it. He had the final say in everything from the fixtures to the damn plates. I had no voice whatsoever. I just fucking lived here. To him, I was just part of the house. A shiny possession.

There was state of the art flooring, cabinetry, granite and marble everywhere, custom leather…you name it…the prince had it in _his_ home. I was the golden love child that capped it all off. He could do whatever he wanted to do with me. I was just a mere object in this fucking museum. James craved elegant and flashy elements in his home, yet claimed he liked to keep things simple. He was so OCD and demanded that the housed be cleaned every day. He gave me a daily chore list. He made me check that list off and give it to him at night when he came home. If I slacked off, there was pure hell to pay.

I knew everyone was right. I had to find a way. It was only a matter of time before I made my move, but I just didn't know how to. I had to make a plan. I turned the faucet off and started sobbing openly and loudly. I was so lonely in this house. I had no friends and I rarely spoke to my family. I was depressed and at times had experienced suicidal thoughts. I felt like a loser, desolate, and rejected. I felt used and abused. I couldn't stand it here. I hated everything this house reminded me of.

I tried to control my crying but I couldn't. The dam finally broke and I just let go. I sank to the kitchen floor and cried my heart out into the marble. I wanted to be loved. I needed to be loved. Meeting the Cullens today, mainly Edward, sparked something in me. It made me see that there was more to life than James. There were guys out there who were attracted to me, despite James telling me that no one would ever want me but him. Even Fred had noticed.

Edward Cullen was a vision—a dream that I could never attain. He was brilliant no doubt. Hell he was attending UW and his folks were medical geniuses. Fred was right. He was from good stock. The Cullens were good people. More importantly they didn't look at me like I was James' trash. I was a person…and in Edward's eyes, a person to be desired. He looked upon me with desire in his eyes. I imagined that he too was wondering what it would be like to be with me…and not just physically- but in every way that mattered.

I pulled myself together and quickly prepared James' dinner. When I had it simmering, I took care to clean up my mess, and take out the garbage—James hated garbage in the house. I checked the fridge to make sure there was no "ass whipping" trigger food in there. Forgetting that I'd clean the house twice yesterday, I did a spot check of each room. I couldn't help it. I didn't feel like getting my ass beat tonight.

I ran upstairs to take a shower and get out of my old clothes and into something presentable for my husband when he got home. I made sure I hid the samples of medication that Dr. Cullen gave me along with the business card. I had also memorized Kate's number. I took a couple of the pills and hid my stash in a place I knew James would never think to look. I checked my hair and ran back downstairs to set the table. James would be very upset if he came home and no food was on the table. I had to time it just right though because he went berserk if his food was lukewarm or cold.

I put the dishes on the table, and resisted the urge to pee on his plate, and set the glasses out. I prepared the wine and everything was ready to go. As soon I could hear him coming down the drive, I would put the food on the table. I made sure I wasn't sweating, James hated to touch me if I was sweaty unless he was pounding me senseless. It was a turn on to him then.

My heart rate accelerated as I heard James car turn into the drive. I hurriedly, yet calmly put the food out and took a moment to wipe my face with a damp cloth I'd brought down from upstairs. I made sure I carried the cloth to laundry room. James would freak out if he saw it lying around. I walked back to kitchen so I could greet him at the kitchen door when he came in. He expected me to be dressed to the hilt and of course going commando. I knew better than to have a hair out of place and I had better have an erection waiting in anticipation of him. He forbade me to jack off during the day, citing that it made me unable to meet his needs at night.

I need an erection…quick! I started stroking myself through my jeans but it was no use. _Come on Jasper, don't panic. Just don't think about James. _I was having a hard time getting hard with James on my mind, so I thought about the one person who seemed to have been doing a good job at helping me get there earlier…Edward Cullen. I swiftly conjured up every illicit, dirty thought I could muster about him and me together and instantly I was so hard that I had to fight the urge to cum in my pants.

_Let James think he caused this. Serves that bastard right._

I had our evening routine down packed. It had taken me two years to get it right, but I finally did it. I could recite this torture with my eyes closed. I had to for my own survival. No one could help me but me. Not my parents…not my sister…my friends…only me. If I was going to survive from day to day, I had to get this right every day.

James was intolerant of laziness. A soft dick when he walked through that door meant that I was lazy and I would find my face plastered somewhere in this house. I kept thinking about how beautiful Edward was, his voice, the fact that he thought I was hot… He was all over my mind and I was so grateful I'd run into him today. Thinking about the fact that he'd subtly let me know that he was a top nearly made me cream my pants.

_Ughn…God help me! I need release. I can only hope that James will have mercy on me tonight and not make me wait while he draws his out._

I opened the garage door when I saw him and put on my best happy face. I took his briefcase out of his hand. Despite the fact that he'd busted my ass good fashioned this morning, and that I could hardly move because of the pain, I allowed him to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and did not resist when he pulled my hips to his, rubbing our erections together. This chore disgusted me so I rewound my Jasper-Edward bedroom romp in my head, and willed myself not to moan his name out loud. James broke the kiss first.

The thought of what he did to me that morning made me want to puke all over him, not to mention my dick wanting to go soft again. He reached down and palmed my rock hard cock. He moaned.

"Just the way I like you. Nice and hard for me." He took a few moments to examine my appearance, a snide smirk on his face. I was definitely one of his trinkets to be displayed and shown off. That's what he normally did when we went out. He treated like I was the finest item on the menu.

"You look nice, baby. Love the jeans." His voice was husky with arousal.

"I'm glad you like." I said sheepishly as he unfastened my pants and an unzipped me. He stroked me and though his touch gave me chills, I had to admit it did offer me momentary relief. He pulled off me and bent me over the end of the kitchen table that didn't have anything on it.

_Please don't let that food get cold. Please._

He yanked my jeans down and had full access to my ass. "So sweet, babe." He huffed, his voice laden with lust. "Nice, sweet ass. Ripe and sexy for me." I heard him unzip his trousers.

"Aren't you hungry, love?" I asked as he grabbed and squeezed my ass. I was seriously hoping that food wasn't getting cold.

"Oh yeah." That was all he said as he spread my ass. "Starving."

"I made your dinner. Don't you want to eat before its gets cold." _God if you love me, please keep that food hot._

"I can eat as soon as this hunger I'm feeling now is satisfied." He ran his finger tauntingly over my opening. "God, Jasper. I got to get a piece of this. Ungh! Look at that shit…open and waiting for me." He reached around in front of me to make sure I was still hard for him. He was checking to make sure he was able to get me up. If he only knew it wasn't him that was keeping me hard.

_Edward…Edward…Edward…_that was my mantra.

James and I didn't use condoms since we were married and were exclusive. James might have been abusive, but I had never known him to cheat on me. He was too fucked up to do that. He wanted to make sure he had control over one man…me! Nevertheless, he wore a condom when we had sex in the kitchen. He said it was filthy.

"Where's the oil?" His voice was thick and borderline nauseating. I handed him the travel size bottle that I had in my front shirt pocket and he busied himself with preparing me. He only prepared me when he wanted to apologize for beating my ass. Most other times he just went for the gusto.

Once I was ready, he spread my ass wide open for him again and placed his shaft at my entrance. He growled as he filled me to the hilt. He gave me time to adjust to him and then started thrusting his dick in and out of my ass.

"Ungh…so fucking tight." He growled again. He was holding my hips as he bucked profusely. My bruises protested against all the friction, but he was relentless. I was his little fuck toy and dammit he intended to play with me until I broke…or exploded whichever came first.

I braced myself on the kitchen table and kept Edward Cullen plastered to the forefront of my brain. I felt guilty for involving him in something that I normally considered a degrading and brute act with James, but he was my only salvation. I needed Edward Cullen, a complete stranger, more than anything right then.

"James, honey, can I stroke myself. Please?" I was so appalled with myself right then. I was a grown man having to ask for permission to pleasure myself, but I needed release. I couldn't help it. It was a natural reaction to all of this sexual stimulation. Besides, James kept hitting my prostate and even though I didn't want to admit it, it felt good. It mostly felt good to be wanted.

"Sure…babe…what…ever…you…need." He was pounding away back there and I was sure he would come before I got a chance to, which would mean that I would not be allowed to finish. I was grateful that I'd quickly slipped on a condom while James was preparing me. He couldn't stand when I ejaculated on the floor in the kitchen not to mention it would have created more mess for me to clean up.

He sped up and plunged his cock deeper into me, repeatedly hitting my prostate. I felt guilty. I shouldn't have felt pleasure nor did I want to but, it felt so good and thinking about that Cullen gem was about to send me raging mad. James had a tight hold on my hips as he neared his finish line.

"Jasper, you're so…fucking…sexy…ugh…your...ass...is…so…damn…tighhhht…ughn…you're going to make…me…come…" His breathing was erratic. I felt him tighten inside me as he buried his cock deep inside my ass. Thinking about Edward topping me was just too much. The thought of the man on top of me made me bust a nut faster than I ever had. James would be pissed if he knew I'd come before him. He liked for us to come together.

"Fuucck." That was his release and I timed my fake orgasm with his so he wouldn't know I was cheating on him in my mind with a stranger, and that I'd already been mentally pleasured by a man who didn't even know me.

I turned around and removed his condom and dropped to my knees and licked him clean. I threw both of our condoms in the trash and excused myself to the bathroom to wash my hands and clean myself.

When I came back out, James was seated at the head of the table as always. Thankfully the food temperature was okay and the wine hadn't warmed too much. James seemed content and well pleased with the meal. He commented several times on how good he thought it was. He never once apologized for his actions against me this morning.

As I was clearing the dinner dishes and serving him his desert, he gave me a wicked smiled and asked how my day was. I told him I got up and did my chores like the good boy I was, went to the store, came home and cooked. He'd informed me that he got busy at work and couldn't call me today. I secretly thanked the stars for aligning in my favor.

"I missed you today, Jasper. I couldn't help thinking of you." He pulled me to his lap as I put the last of his dessert in his mouth. "You're _mine_. He pulled my head down so he could kiss me. Fred's words came flooding back to me. I was his possession and he'd made me exclusively his. There was no room whatsoever for anyone or anything else. My life sucked.

I pulled the receipt out of my pocket for the groceries I'd bought and handed it to James. He looked over it and seemed satisfied. James' might have previously entertained the possibility of having children with me, but right then I was his child. I was just a fucking obedient servant. I had to find a way to end this nightmare. I looked down in his blue eyes and saw nothing in them for me but a future of pain and sadness. I just had to get away. Somehow, deep inside of him, he must have sensed this because his next words shocked the hell out of me.

"Let's go to bed, sweetheart. Leave the dishes. I'll take care of them tonight. I want to take care of you for a while."

_W-what…what…in…the…hell?_

He laughed out loud at my expression as if he completely read the confusion in my mind. "Oh, Jasper. You're so funny." My eyes were wide and my mouth formed an "O" shape. He kept laughing. "You're too much. You are tired aren't you?"

I simply nodded confused as all get out.

He picked me up and wrapped my legs and arms around him as he carried me upstairs. I was a featherweight in his arms. It was almost nine and I was grateful for the invitation to go to bed early. Once upstairs, he laid me on the bed, and then drew me a hot bath.

_What in the hell is going on? This man beat the shit out of me this morning, now this? Is he setting me up for the kill? Oh no! He's tricking me. He wants me to think he's being nice, and then he's going to pull away from me and beat me for something. I gotta get out of here. I'll just tell him I want to do something for him. I will distract him with a blow job or something…anything to get his mind off hurting me again. _

He walked back into our bedroom and laughed when he registered the look on my face. He gently pushed me back on the bed when he saw me trying to protest. He gingerly undressed me, taking time to tell me how sexy I was and then he carried me to the tub and put me in.

"This will help with the bruises." He promised.

_What about the ones inside?_

I didn't say a word, but looked at him like he was a four headed alien. He winked at me and started bathing me, taking care not to press on my bruises.

"I don't like hurting you, honey, but sometimes your behavior is so juvenile and uncontrolled. You're better than that. I expect more from you."

_Is this your weak excuse of an apology? Just shut the hell up and let me enjoy the apology you just ran in this tub. _

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

"You'll get better, Jasper. Before long you'll be everything I need and want you to be. You're far from perfect, but you'll do for now. I know it's rough, but I have to do things to you to get you to that point. It's my job to teach you how to be a man…mainly my man…not my boy. Understand?"

I nodded again. "I'll do whatever you want me to do."

There was that satisfied smirk again. "Good boy. Now stop doing things to provoke me. I don't want to have to whip you again. You don't want that do you?"

"No." I mumbled humbly.

He made a tsk-tsk sound with his tongue, and gave me a light slap on my face, almost playful but not hurtful. "Now, now Jasper. Is that how you answer-"

I interrupted with a quick, "I mean, no Sir."

He smiled devilishly and washed my chest. "That's better."

I stared at him blankly. My own father, who was exactly the same age as James, had never treated me like this. This was debasing. It was challenging keeping my face sweet and innocent. He left me to my bath and went to clean the kitchen. He came back into the room shortly after with the bottle of wine and two glasses. We drank and then he held me in his arms until I went to sleep thinking of life apart from him.

The next morning I was grateful I'd remembered to set my clock so that I could wake up before James. I had to remember to set the volume loud enough for me to hear but low enough not to wake up James. Not that it mattered any way. I always had to wake him up in the mornings by giving him a blow job. Since he went to bed nude, it was easy to take care of this first chore on my honey do list.

James wasn't that big and it was easy for me to take all of him in my mouth. He immediately stirred when I started and reached down to fist my hair. He started guiding the motion by pulling and releasing my head, encouraging me to take him deeper. I swear I hated doing this to him. At one time in our relationship, I thoroughly enjoyed pleasuring him but now it was just another mundane activity to make him happy. There was certainly nothing in it for me.

"Uhn, Jazzy that feels good. Don't stop that."

I sped up my ministrations, sucking harder so that this torture could hurry up and end. I let him slip from my mouth and started stroking his pole. He didn't seem to mind and I knew that it wouldn't be long before this chore could be marked off the list for the day. I felt his muscles grow tight and with his pleas for me to take him in mouth again, I let his rod sink down my throat again which was still swollen and red from all the extra activities. His breath was caught in his throat as he looked down to watch me.

"Jazzy…don't…stop." He pleaded. I used to find that so damn hot, but now it was repulsive.

I kept going. He dropped his head back on the pillow, "Hoh, Jazzy…oh my god!" I sucked him until he exploded in my mouth. I knew better than to waste a drop. He continued to blow out in my mouth. I sucked at a slower pace until he was completely spent.

"Fucking beautiful, Jazzy. The things that tongue and mouth of yours do to me." When he'd somewhat recovered, he got up and went to the bathroom leaving me hard and rejected. I fought the urge to cry at his selfishness. This wasn't new to me. He always left me hanging, literally.

I pulled myself together, too scared to sneak and jack off…there would be time to do that when James left for work even though he didn't like for me to. I went downstairs to the kitchen and prepared his breakfast. He didn't eat much at one meal, so it didn't take long. I set his food on the table, and went outside to retrieve the morning paper.

The crisp morning air was refreshing. I loved being outside. It gave me a sense of freedom. I hurried and got the paper so I could be back inside before the prince came down. I made it back to the house just as he was sitting down at the table. He didn't speak to me as he ate and read. I took a seat in one of the empty chairs and counted the hairs on my arms.

"So, Jasper. I was thinking that maybe you and I could take a little trip this weekend." His voice cut through the air, and interfered with my mental departure from this agony.

I snapped my head up so I could look at him. He was staring at me, his gaze intense and soft at the same time.

"A trip?" I asked seriously wondering if he was planning to take me somewhere so that he could kill me or something.

He smiled. "Yes…Jasper…a trip."

Still not knowing what to make of this, I treaded lightly. "To where?"

He chuckled and folded his newspaper. "Jasper, I should be offended by your skepticism. What's wrong? You don't trust me?"

_Hell no!_

I definitely had to right this before he truly became upset. I knew he was trying to sound like he was teasing me, but he was serious, almost giving me a warning. I got up and went over to him to sit in his lap. He scooted his chair back a little to accommodate me. I felt him grow hard at the sensation of my ass sitting on his cock.

"No, sweetheart, I didn't mean it like that. I was just curious as to why you want to take a trip in the middle of the week. I know you have to work and all. That's all I meant." I reassured him and wrapped my arm around his neck for emphasis.

He stared up at me and for a moment I almost forgot that he was the villain.

_Oh god! I'm so confused. One minute I want him to touch me…to love me and the next I want to vomit just from the thought of being on the same planet with him. _

"Well, I wasn't thinking about that kind of trip, Jasper." Okay so now I was really worried.

_What the hell is he thinking?_

I squirmed nervously on his lap causing him to grasp my hip tighter, fastening me in place. I discontinued my resistance.

"Um…You mean like a day trip to Port Angeles?"

He gently massaged my hip with his thumb. "Actually Jasper I was thinking that we could go to Seattle." He was dragging this out much to my chagrin.

Was he really considering…? "Seattle?" I asked my eyes widening.

He brought his hand to the front of my pajamas and massaged my now flaccid cock.

"Yeah. I was thinking we could go visit your parents." He didn't break eye contact with me as he waited for me to respond.

"Really?" It was hard to contain my excitement.

"Yes, really. I was thinking we could go Friday. I was thinking about taking the day off Friday and then we could drive there and visit them for the weekend."

This was a dream come true. There was no way he could be fucking serious. This had to be a ploy, a cruel joke. This had to be some devious scheme to get my hopes up then crush me as he had so many times before.

I was scared to smile or show any emotion for the fact. "James, baby, you have no idea how much I would like that."

He gave me a small smile. "I know you would. You haven't seen them in a while, and I was thinking that we could go…if you want to."

I was exuberant. "James of course…of course I want to go." The truth of the matter was that I could have cared less if he came with me or not, but I wasn't about to let that out of the bag. "More than you know."

He continued to rub my length that was now standing at attention. "Good. Then it's a date."

I leaned down to kiss him and for that moment all anger towards him was gone. I pulled back. 'Thank you, baby. I love you."

He continued to stare at me. "Hmm." He put his hands inside my pajamas and started stroking me faster and harder.

"That feels really good." I closed my eyes to relish in this rare pleasure he was giving me. "So good."

"You're beautiful Jasper." He whispered.

"Thank you."

"You're _mine…only_ mine…don't you ever forget that." I focused on what he was doing to me so that I could push Dr. Cullen and Fred's words out of my head. I couldn't let his possessiveness ruin this rare moment for me.

His ministrations were indescribable. "Ungh James your hand feels g…good…right there." I moaned as he stroked the ultra-sensitive head of my cock. I felt the tightening in my lower abdomen and I knew I was about to come. James hated when I came in his hand. He preferred that I came in the toilet or a trash can or even in a condom but definitely not in his hand.

"I'm about to cum." I panted. "James…" I didn't want to come but I could hardly stand it. I certainly didn't want to get punished for making a mess. He was bringing me to the brink of orgasm and I was losing control fast.

"If you don't stop, I'm not going to be able to stop." I begged him fully aware I would pay the piper if I screwed this up. "Please, baby. Please let me put on a condom so I can come."

He stopped abruptly. "Stand up Jasper."

I instantly obeyed overcome by the throbbing in my steel rod. I moved to get the condom that I had in my pocket. I had come to learn to keep a packet of lube and condoms on me at all times.

"Don't move." He ordered, but continued his stroking. "Does that feel good Jasper?" He asked this time not smiling at all.

I was confused. "Y-yes. That feels real good." I moaned when he slid my pants down to my knees. To my utter shock, he dropped to his knees in front of me. I stretched my eyes and mouth as shock took over me. I couldn't find my breath when he took me in his mouth.

_What the? He hasn't done this in months! What is going on? First that beat down yesterday morning, then the romp in the kitchen yesterday, then he cleaned the kitchen and ran me a bath…was this man trying to send me to the nut house?_ I was bewildered, not knowing how to process this change in his behavior.

He moved a hand over my lean abdomen, then with the other he reached for my sac, and gently massaged my balls. I was so caught up in what he was doing to me that I could do nothing but lace my fingers through his blonde hair. It had been a long time since he took care of me like this. He used to do this all the time when we were dating, and even when we first married. Then he'd stopped.

"James…you don't… ungh…" I groaned again. "You don't know…"

He released me with a pop sending me reeling in a mix of pleasure and confusion. He lifted my dick and then started lapping at my balls.

"Oh, god. Hoh…" _Why is he doing this? Why is he being so nice to me? First offering to take me to see my family, now this? Something has to be up._

"James…" I was about to blow and I didn't want to spray his face for fear he would backhand me into next year. "I'm gonna cum."

_Oh man…this feels so fucking good. Oh God! I'm not going to be able to stop and he's going to hurt me. He'll never do this to me again if I mess this up. God please don't let me mess this up!_

"I'm gonna cum now." I panted.

He sucked me in deep again and pull off just a little so that my head, my most sensitive spot, was in his mouth. Thankfully, he didn't delay my climax further and he took all nine inches of me in his mouth. I immediately fill his mouth with my cream.

"Huhhh….oh god…Jamessss…unnngh…yesss…." I was completely lost in the intensity of my climax. Tears fell from my eyes. I was in heaven and hell at the same time. On one hand I was out of my mind from the pleasure he gave me. On the other hand, I was afraid that he was going to whip me now for coming in his mouth.

He kept sucking until I was completely spent. My cock softened and my breath was heavy and rapid as I slowly began my descent back to earth. When I looked down, he was lapping up every single drop.

_He's the servant and I'm in control. He does my bidding. He's at my service…my beck and call. He does what the fuck I tell him to do. That's final. He's my bitch…a bitch on his knees pleasuring me._

I came to my senses. I immediately started trembling. I didn't want to be punished and I felt brave enough to tell him. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I couldn't stop. Please don't be mad. Please. I-I don't want to be in trouble." I sounded like a three-year old kid begging not to get a spanking from his daddy.

He smirked. "Jasper, please. I wanted you to. I would have stopped you if I didn't want to go that far." He laughed at me again when he saw my expression. "Oh, Jasper."

I didn't know what to make of this. These were things he used to do to me when we first met. Now he was all of a sudden doing them again, after all these months! I was never going to figure this man out.

_I'm so confused._

He stood up, smiling at me. He gently stroked my cheeks, mouth, and chin with his thumb. Admittedly, he was beautiful, almost angelic this morning.

_Did he slip something in that bath water last night? Or better yet did he know about my activities yesterday and somehow was feeling guilty about beating my ass? Maybe he thinks I'm going to leave him and he's being nice so I will stay with him? Maybe he's jealous…Oh what if he saw me with Edward yesterday. What if someone told him they saw me…even worse what if I was talking in my sleep and Edward's name came out of my mouth. This shit is all so fucking jacked-up, but that was best blow job I've had in a long time!_

I heard him chuckle. My face must have mirrored everything I was thinking. "Relax, babe." He smirked. "That good, huh."

I gave him a little confused smile. "Yeah…that good."

"I'm glad. You're _mine_, Jasper. It's _my _job to take care of you." The way he said that was eerie and sent chills down my spine. He inched closer to me, pressing his semi-hard erection into my now flaccid one. He leaned in and kissed my lips. "_Mine_." He pulled away and looked me in my eyes. "Understand?"

I nodded my head rapidly but didn't speak. His eyes darkened a shade, and looked like blue ocean water. They were so possessive.

"Good, boy." He patted the side of my head like I was some kind of lap puppy. "You love me?"

"Of course I do, baby. You know that." I knew by now this was a loaded question. If I answered the wrong way, I could be in deep shit with him. The truth was I'd come to the conclusion that I James was my first love and my first lover, and a part of me would always love him I guess, but I wasn't in love with him anymore...not after the things he did to me.

"W-what about you? D-do you still love me?" I shrunk away from him because I was a little bit afraid that he would slap me for questioning him like that. For the second time this morning, he surprised me.

He smirked again. "Look around you Jasper. Don't I provide all of your needs?"

"Yes."

"Don't I buy you whatever you want?" _Well…not everything…a car would be nice._

"Yes."

"Don't you eat and sleep whenever you want? You've traveled to places that most people only glimpse in magazines. You enjoy many comforts, Jasper, and you ask me if I still love you?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I know you're a good provider and you take excellent care of me. Please forgive me." I apologized even though I didn't feel I should have. The bottom line was he did do all of those things, but he wasn't in love with me. There was no way he could be and hurt me the way did.

"It's okay Jasper, you're just young. That's a good thing for me…nothing like a strong and healthy man under me at night." He laughed. "I have to get out of here." He turned and walked out of the room towards the living room, leaving me standing there baffled. He'd just given me one of the best orgasms I've had in a long time, and now he was insulting me? I just didn't understand. For the life of me, I couldn't stop the tears. He hurt my feelings.

He walked back into the kitchen fully dressed. He saw that I was crying, and didn't take his eyes off of me as he straightened the collar of his five-thousand dollar suit. He walked over to me.

"Why are you crying Jasper?" He asked almost impatiently. "Didn't you just have a good time?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then what is it now?" He scurried about, gathering his belongings.

"Nothing." My voice was mousy. "I'm sorry."

He walked over and stood in front of me. "I swear it's always something with you, Jazz." He kissed me quickly on my lips. "You want me to tell you that I love you? You really need that?"

I nodded and more tears fell from my eyes. He reached up and wiped them away. "Listen, Jasper. I know that sometimes I'm a little rough with you…"

_A little?_

"…but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

_You sure got a strange way of showing it._

"You know I love you, Jazz. You've always been my boy. Now…I have to get out of here. Don't worry about making dinner, babe. I'm taking you out tonight…so I want you ready at six. I will pick you up then."

I nodded my consent. He prepared to leave.

"Thank you, James, and I'm sorry for being so selfish." I barely whispered the words.

"Thanks for what, babe?" He asked looking around for his keys. I handed them to him.

"For taking care of me." I dropped my eyes shyly.

"No problem, Jazz. I'll see you tonight." He pulled me in for a goodbye kiss.

_That never happens? Who is this man?_

"See you tonight." I waved as he pulled away and left.

When I heard his car leave, I went out onto the balcony to stare at the river. I replayed all of the events that happened since James came home in my head. I couldn't understand any of it. It was as if he was acting like a…like real husband again. He was a totally different man last night. What inspired the change? Did he really feel guilty for "handling me a little rough" as he put it? In some of the research I'd done about domestic violence, I'd read about abusers doing stuff like this in what they called the 'honeymoon' phase. He didn't do all the groveling and apologizing, but he did make an effort to be extra nice…his way of apologizing for what he'd been doing to me.

I was trying desperately to justify James' behavior towards me. Was this what this was? A phase? Would he just start back abusing me again after all this wore off? I mean the way he cared for me last night and this morning, that really made me feel guilty for ever wanting to leave him. I always knew James was innately good…wasn't he? He had to be. He just had to be! He wouldn't have treated me the way he did this morning if he didn't love me. He wasn't all bad. Bad people aren't capable of loving someone like that. The James I saw this morning was the man I fell in love with from the beginning. Something was making him do bad things.

Did James really love me? Ugh I don't know what to expect or believe anymore. Could I really find the strength and courage to leave before he really hurt me or worse? _Oh God help me sort out this mess. Please!_

James was my husband. I made vows for better or worse. I couldn't abandon him when he was having a hard time. I could stay and encouraging him to get help then things would be right between us again. No matter how long he's been abusing me...it's just not that easy or simple for me to walk away from my marriage.

_He's just sick Jasper...he needs you to be strong when he is weak...I just don't know what to do._

I felt guilty for having thoughts about Edward and fantasizing about him during our lovemaking. I knew everyone meant well, but I pushed them and Edward out of my head. I tried to focus on seeing my family because my mind was an emotional mess and was overcome with doubt and ambiguity.

A/N: I agree with Jasper. I'm confused. James surprised the hell out of me when I wrote his character. I had a client that this actually happened to. This chapter was inspired by his personal story. His partner was abusing him and he would come home and have sex with him and then make him feel like he was the most important man alive. He would bribe him into staying with him by being nice and doing nice things for him. He did tell me that he felt that his husband loved and hated him all at the same time. He told me that in spite of the abuse and fear he lived in daily, he loved his husband more than anything. My friend was nearly killed by his spouse before he finally left. I was glad that Jasper was able to benefit from this, but he was on to something…it's just a phase.

To all of my readers who don't like angst etc, I have to tell you now that future chapters will contain some depictions of Jasper's abusive situation. I will try to write them with finesse and keep them true to reality, but that is the very ugly and real part of abuse. The good news is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Jasper's situation is so real to so many people. I will try to give ample warnings before the chapters in author notes so that you can skip over reading those if they bother you too much. This is real people and I want you all to seriously consider what I have been asking you to do. Please get involved. Thank you.

Please leave your feedback.


	5. Chapter 5 What Lies Beneath

**A/N: Well let me start by saying thank you to all who are following and reviewing this story. I appreciate your feedback. I know for some of you, it is hard to understand the mind of Jasper, who is a victim. Unfortunately, I can't explain it because this is what domestic violence does. It conflicts every part of the victim's dynamic. It is easy for a person who is not being abuse to judge and say I would do this or that, Jasper can't love him after all of that, etc., but the mind of a victim is far from logical or rational at times. What makes sense to me and you may not be practical for them. I pray that you will go back and reread this story and try to reconnect with Jasper who is struggling to find his place in a marriage to someone who no longer loves him. I also want to point out that Jasper's connection to James has nothing to do with love…thus the title of this story. In the beginning he fell hard for James and for a long time he _thought_ he love James after the abuse started, but it was really about another issue for him…about the one thing that defined him as a man…commitment.**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Jasper's POV

The rest of the day seemed to drag by. I made sure all the chores on my list were done and that I washed our sheets. I was excited as I meandered about the house. I was anxious to see my family and I decided it would be better to wait until James gave me permission to call them to let them know we were coming, just in case something came up and we couldn't go. I mean he had made promises to visit them in the past and then at the last minute changed his mind. That was always a crushing disappointment, not only to me, but to my parents as well.

James arrived back at the house at exactly six pm. He'd called me earlier and told me that we were going to Bella Italia in Port Angeles. He knew how much I loved eating there. I always ordered the mushroom ravioli. He'd hurt me…sure…but he knew me. He knew what I liked and how to make me happy, even with the smallest things. I had a suspicion that this was part of this honeymoon phase we were in, but I made myself enjoy it. I had to stop thinking hate for this short little while because I didn't know how long this would last. I had to find the pleasure in what he was offering before I was back in hell again. It was sad, but that was my life.

"I'm just going to change and I'll be right back down. You look great." He ran upstairs.

_God please don't let this end. Please. I'll do anything for this peace to stay in my home. _

I smiled to myself as I waited for him to come back down. After a few minutes, he dashed into the kitchen looking like a ray of innocent sunshine.

"Ready, babe?" He asked, winking at me.

"Yes."

After a short drive, we arrived at the restaurant and James came around and opened the door for me. I got out slowly giving him a look that must have said, "Have you lost your mind?" He just shook his head and laughed.

"Let's go." He nodded towards the restaurant and in a surprising maneuver, took my hand in his own. He pulled me along and I tried my best not to faint. This was definitely not the James that blistered my behind. Something was up.

Once inside we were seated at a table right in the middle of the restaurant. That didn't surprise me one bit. James was flashy and he loved to show me off when we went out. Scared for a moment that the old James was going to resurface before we got home, I quickly commented him on how good he look and that I was going to have fight the guys off of him tonight. That gave his ego a turbo boost, and hopefully chased away any thoughts he might have been having about possibly slapping me around.

"You are a pleasant distraction in those jeans, Jasper." He winked at me. "I think you have an admirer."

"What?" I followed his gaze across the room and my eyes landed on the one and only Edward Cullen. He was having dinner with his parents. He smiled at me and I nodded, careful not to let on to James that I knew him. That would _not_ go over well.

_God if you are in heaven right now, please don't let him come to this table. Please let him forget that I'm here. Please don't let him mention that he saw me yesterday. Please for the love of all that's holy let Dr. Cullen distract him so that any ideas of coming over here is thwarted. Dr. Cullen would know that I can't have guests. Please do this for me. Please!_

"Probably just some local guy. He's with some older people. They must be his parents." I deliberately looked James in his eyes and gave him the sexiest smile I could muster. "He doesn't hold a candle next to you, sweetheart. I'm all yours." I winked at him and took a sip of my water. I knew he loved that possessive shit so I laid it on thick.

_God, please don't let this end badly for me. I don't want to be hurt again._

James glanced over at Edward who was smiling radiantly at the woman I presumed to be his mother. She was beautiful, with long caramel colored hair. There was another girl there with darker hair and shorter than everyone at the table. I guessed that was the pesky little sister he'd referred to.

"Well, are you sure Jasper? I mean he's quite handsome. Young, great body…I may not be enough for you." He laughed but something told me that he was serious. Not wanting this to end in disaster, I made haste to reassure him.

I leaned into him and whispered so that only he could hear me. "Sweetheart, I came with you and I'll leave with you." He gave me a look that said 'you're damn straight you will.' I reached out and took his hand in my own. He was distracted by someone moving behind him, just in time for me to see Dr. Cullen giving me an understanding look. He must have known that Edward was watching me and that James was probably getting antsy. Dr. Cullen would protect me just like he had yesterday at the ER. He would hold Edward's attention so he wouldn't stir up unnecessary jealousy in my husband. My eyes were pleading, and he nodded his understanding. I returned the nod to translate that I understood as well. He quickly flagged the waiter for their check.

I gave his hand a little squeeze. I knew James. He could have the mostly heavenly smile on his face, and be like a volcano ready to erupt inside. I had to try harder to distract him. I couldn't afford for latent anger to be festering inside him. My life depended on it.

"James you're my husband." I leaned in a little further. "It's your bed I'll be in tonight and your name I'll be screaming as you pound me senseless." It was a sleazy attempt, but it's what appealed to him. If that is what it took to keep my head from being smashed into a wall or pole on the way out, then I'd tell him anything he wanted to hear.

He smiled and winked at me again. "Damn right."

I was so thankful we had a female waitress this time. I wasn't so sure I could keep convincing my companion that every male in this god-forsaken restaurant didn't want me. While we ordered our food, I noticed that there was movement at the Cullen table. I had my head down in the menu, but I could still see them well out of the corner of my eye.

_Thank God for Dr. Cullen. They're leaving. _

I noticed Edward looking in my direction again, and Dr. Cullen was running interference again. There was no way he would tell my secret, but was smart enough to create a diversion. He was talking to Edward about some of the photos on the wall near the entrance, and I assumed since I looked like I was ordering my food, he dropped his inadvertent plan to come set my husband off…no doubt. He had no clue that coming to this table would do exactly that. A few minutes later they were gone.

The rest of the dinner went off without a hitch. James was Romeo incarnate. He let me taste little bites of his food and to my surprise he fed me off his fork. There were a couple of times he reached over and wiped crumbs from my mouth, and reached out and pulled my chair a little closer to his. He was quite comfortable with us being together in public. Truthfully, he could have cared less about what anyone in the restaurant thought. I was gravely suspicious of his behavior.

_He is just being too nice. Maybe I should just go with it. Maybe he's really trying to apologize for what he's been doing to me. Jasper just let it go. Go with the flow for now. It will all work out. I can't…just can't find it in me to trust him completely, but I have to do something to ease my mind before I go crazy. James didn't love me, no matter what he said, but at least he was making an effort not to beat my ass…I hope._

When we got back into the car, James pulled me to him. For a moment I thought he'd seen what happened back in the restaurant and was going to start hitting me again. I trembled a little, and I'm sure my eyes were fearful.

"Will you relax, Jasper? Jesus! Every time I try to touch you, you shrivel up like a prune." He let me go. "Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

_Way to go Jasper! You just succeeded in pissing him off. He's right! Will you just relax!_

I shook off any fear I had, but couldn't rid myself of the skepticism. "Yes, yes I did baby. Very much. Thank you." He seemed to harden a bit so I leaned over the console and pulled his face to mine. "I can't wait for us to get home." I lied.

_God please don't let him be mad. Please._

He softened and I saw lust in his eyes. "You're mine, Jasper."

I nodded, the fear slowly returning. "I'm yours, baby. Only yours."

He kissed me hard, demanding entrance into my mouth so I let him in. When he broke the kiss, he reached over and grabbed the back of my neck. "I can't wait to get you home either." After we came home, we made love and when we were done and lying in bed, he'd given me a gift.

"James, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say." It was a diamond bracelet that I was sure cost him at least ten grand. On the back of it he had the words "Forever Mine" engraved on it. In lieu of his recent cruelty to me, I couldn't help but cry. "James…I-I…"

He'd pulled me to his chest. "Shh…no crying."

I'd settled down. Then he pulled me back so he could see my face. "Jasper I know things haven't been easy with me, but I'm going to change honey. Please promise me you'll always be mine. Only mine. We don't need other people in our lives. We have each other. I can't help it babes. You have that effect on me. I don't like sharing."

There was that possessiveness again. Not wanting to upset him, I'd told him that I would. He seemed content with that. It was his next words that shocked the hell out of me.

"I saw the way that kid was looking at you Jasper. You guys look to be around the same age. It would be so easy for someone like him to convince you that you don't love me. You do love me right?"

"Yes, James. I love you." Again, a small part of me did, but a greater part had been damaged by his abuse and I just couldn't give my love to him the way I really wanted to.

"Did you know that boy, Jasper?"

_Oh God this is a trick question. He's going to pulverize me. I already told him that I didn't. God why does he have to ask so man damn questions? If I tell him the truth, I'm dead. _

"No, baby." I had not hesitated at all shooting that lie to him. "I've never seen him in my life."

He was quiet for a moment. "I hate it when those young punks salivate over you like that. He better be glad I was in a good mood. I would have smashed his face into the wall."

That in itself was enough to let me know that under no circumstances could I ever see Edward again. The thought of Edward's beautiful face being harmed by James was just too much. He was innocent, and while he might be interested in me, he didn't do anything wrong. James was jealous and had no right to even think about hurting him.

I'd reached down and began to massage his cock in a last ditch effort to distract his insecure ass. "James…James…why are we even talking about some guy who neither one of us knows. We've had a great night. The restaurant was great. You've given me a nice gift to show your love. I'm here and entirely yours…and…the night is still young. I know you would much rather be ramming this hard spear in and out of my tight little hole—a hole that only you've been in- than wasting time worrying about a nobody." That was all it took to end that night on a happy note and to totally prevent me from getting my ass minced.

By Thursday night, I was beside myself. Since our dinner date, the week had been pure bliss. James was darn near perfect. Seriously. Now James and I were packing for our trip tomorrow to Seattle. So far he'd made good on his promise to take me to see my family. He'd given me permission to call them today to let them know we were coming. My mother was ecstatic, but she'd quickly informed me that James must have heeded her warning. When I inquired as to what she was referring to, she'd told me that she had left several messages on our phone telling me and James that if I didn't come see them soon, or call, or let them come see me, they were coming any way with law enforcement. James must have intercepted those calls or had their number forwarded to his cell phone so I wouldn't get the calls at home during the day.

My father was excited too…about the prospect of _me _coming. He politely told me to leave James home. I heard my mother scolding him in the background telling him to be thankful that I was coming at all. My parents didn't know the extent of James' abusive behavior. They just thought he was just a controlling, older guy that I'd fallen in love with and married. They didn't know about any of the stuff he did because I didn't tell them. For one, my father would have tried to literally kill James and his best friend Michael would have taken a shot at James with his gun. They'd both gone to jail once because they were defending me after someone gay-bashed me at a club. I knew without a doubt if they knew what James was doing to me, they would go to prison for a long time and James would be dead. I couldn't let them ruin their lives because of me. They had families that needed them, and I wasn't about to take that from them.

They did not play around when it came to their children. They had been best friends since childhood, and they shared everything…even their love for each other's children. Mr. Michael had his back and my dad had his. They were true comrades, and in a way I was glad they didn't come around that often because it would have only taken one time for them to even get a hint about James' violence against me and it would have been a TKO right then and there. I only prayed that James didn't show out while we were there. We didn't need a blood bath.

Another reason I didn't tell them was because I was embarrassed to let them know that I allowed him to treat me like that, and an even greater reason was that I didn't want them to get involve because I thought James would hurt them, although he would have one hell of a fight on his hands. I just couldn't take that risk. Rosalie and I were twins, but she was much more dependent on my parents that I was. I could put them in harm's way. No way, so I just took the abuse silently and left them to their good life.

Admittedly, I was hurt because I thought that James was really trying to be nice in letting me go visit them. All the while he was trying to avoid an unpleasant scene between him and my family, and he certainly didn't want local law enforcement to be involved. No wonder he was so eager in letting me go. I knew something had to be up. He was scared. James could punk me whenever he got ready to, but be scared of other people. I didn't get that at all.

I felt James' arms snake around me as I was packing my toiletries. His steel rod was pressing into my ass. I knew what he wanted. This man was a machine. He couldn't get enough if he tried. I guess that should have made me cocky that he craved my body like that, but it didn't. Too be honest, I was mad as hell that he'd intercepted those calls and had not let me talk to my parents. I really didn't feel like having sex with him, but I knew that if I wanted to keep my teeth and go see my family, I had to play by his rules.

In truth, James had been a true prince all week. Not only had he'd actually _acted _like a husband in _every_ way, he'd given me that expensive bracelet, some new clothes, and a gaming system with some new games—even though he'd forbid me on numerous occasion indulge in video gaming. He said they were juvenile and that no man of his was going to be playing childish video games while he was hard at work taking care of his family. I mean, I _was_ twenty-three years old…_not_ forty. I found myself wondering when he'd found time to shop. I didn't dare ask.

"Are you almost done packing, Jazzy?" He nuzzled my neck. "Mmm. You smell so good. I want you."

I had to act like I wanted him too, so I decided to give in to him. "Are you ready for me to be done?" I pretended to tease. All I could think about was getting to Seattle to see my family.

"Mmm…hmm…I'm so ready." His voice was laden with lust.

"How bad do you want me?" I played along, hoping that he would be finished in minutes so we could just go to sleep.

"Really bad." It should have been impossible for this man to be so hard. I turned to face him and he smiled at me. If the research was correct, it was only a matter of time before James became the villain again. It was hard to keep playing these games knowing that at any moment he could snap. "You're teasing me, baby. That's not nice."

I pretended to think about what I wanted to do to him in order to keep his game fun for him. "Well…I guess I could do a…few…things." I resisted the urge to pretend I was talking to Edward. I didn't want to accidently slip up and say his name instead of James.' My parents would have been coming to the morgue to id my body.

He shivered with anticipation. "Yeah, like what?"

"Well…I could do this…" I dropped to my knees in front of him and rubbed my face against his cock through his boxers earning a moan. "You like that, sexy?"

_Please don't let me vomit. I should bite him, but I better not._

"God, yes." He stroked my hair and pulled my head back so I could look up at him. Those liquid blue eyes looking were full of need.

"I don't know James. You haven't been nice to me." Somehow I knew he understood that I meant that, and that wasn't part of the game. His face started to harden. I decided to fix this before it got out of hand. I didn't want him to think I was rebelling or something. "But you've been good all week so I guess I can put out…a little." I smiled weakly at him.

_As if I have a choice._

I allowed him to pick me up and carry me to our bed. If it weren't for the fading bruises, I would have had to ask myself if he'd really whipped me Monday morning. I'd taken just about all of the pills that Dr. Cullen had given me, and thankfully the cream was odorless, so I was able to get some relief. I'd walked to the local drug store earlier this morning and checked my blood pressure in one of those machines in the back of the store. It was a lot lower than it had been when I went to the hospital, probably because James had backed off this week.

James fucked me with everything he had in him. I had to make myself mentally stay in the room with him. This man was something else. He could take me in the most intimate way, yet take my life and freedom and abuse it. I was writhing under him, fighting a losing battle to resist the guilty pleasure I was taking from him thrusting madly inside of me. He filled my ears will the dirtiest talk he could muster, and the entire time kept telling me that I was his. _"Mine" _was his mantra. I looked into his eyes as I lay there with my legs spread for him, giving myself completely to him. He was too caught up in his own pleasure to see the tears in my eyes. This was just sex to me. For him it was control…ownership…he had taken total possession of my mind and my body.

He pushed tighter on me and buried his face in my neck. In the midst of his grunts and moans, I wondered what I had done to deserve this. Was I being punished because I was gay? Did I have some unconfessed sin that I didn't know about that was causing this man to treat me this way? Why was it so hard for me to accept that James, despite his kindness this past week, was never going to change?

It was true that love would make you blind, but I ask the question, what does love have to do with it? Being alone in this house this week while James was working gave me time to sort some things out. I concluded that my relationship with James had _absolutely_ nothing to do with love. It was about commitment. That was how I defined myself. My word was all I had. It was my bond. That's how I'd been reared…that's what my father taught me…to honor my vows. I had nothing else in this life. If I couldn't stand by my commitments, who was I? Where would I be?

In lieu of this, I'd honored my vows with James and I'd come to a point where I could no longer put myself in danger to do that. I had tried with all of might to love this man, but his mind games imprisoned me and I couldn't find a way to reconcile my feelings toward him. I still didn't have a clue what was happening this week, but I knew that once the cork blew, it would be a living nightmare. I didn't know what to do or even how to do it. All I knew was that my time with James was coming to end however slowly. I just prayed that God would give me grace to make it out safely.

The next morning we packed the trunk of his Aston Martin. Of course, he would drive that one instead of the Jaguar. I'm sure he didn't care about making a good impression on my folks. It was a status symbol for him. James was a shrewd business man and stood his own ground. He knew what he had in his wallet and more so he had their _son_. In his eyes, he'd beaten them already at a game that no one was playing but him…and me—be it unwillingly.

As we put the last of luggage in, he reached over to me and pulled my hips to his. He pulled me in for a kiss and I didn't resist. Still not really knowing how to react to this side of him, I was walking on eggshells trying not to do anything today that would signal the end of this phase for us.

"I love you." He said. I realized last night that I had given up wanting to believe that. I guess hearing my mother saying that she'd been trying beyond hope to contact me…to just say hello and to tell me she loved me, and this…this bastard kept her from me like that…my own mother…the woman who had been there for me when no one else had…when I didn't even know he existed on the planet…that was worse than any physical blow he could have dealt to me. His tried to make his voice sincere, but I saw through him.

I smiled but remained silent. Tears rolled down my cheeks. This man had hurt me in the worst ways, but right now he held me in the palm of his hands. He was all I knew. He was my life. Everything I had or could hope to be was wrapped up in him. He held the keys to my life that I had so freely given to him.

"James…" I nearly crumbled. "James…I…what?"

I didn't know how to ask him to stop hurting me. I didn't know how to tell him he'd gone too far and we could never have what we once had. I didn't know how to tell him that he'd left me with battle scars all over my body that would be an eternal reminder of his hatred for me.

"James why do hurt me so badly?"

He didn't answer my question but motioned for me to come to him. He was too much of a coward to give me that much respect. "Come here."

I obeyed.

"I'm doing this Jasper…going to Seattle because I know it's important to you." That had nothing to do with my question. I knew he would avoid opening that can with me. He could beat my ass, but not even justify me with an explanation. Unbelievable!

I nodded.

"I know you haven't seen your family in a while and I want you to know that I'm trying to get better and do right by you." He continued to hold my arms as he spoke. He still didn't know what my mother had told me. I wasn't going to say anything because he might back out of our trip. "You know that right?"

I nodded again.

"I'm your husband and it's my job to take care of you. You don't need anyone else. Remember that."

"I will." I said humbly.

"One more thing, Jazzy." He said softly.

_Here it is…the moment I've been waiting on…he's about to drop kick me with the big but…_

"Sure baby, anything." I was a little nervous. He noticed and smiled.

"Geez! Will you relax! I'm not going to hurt you. I just wanted to say that we're leaving together and I would like very much for us to return together."

Somehow I knew that wasn't a polite request. It was a polite as-a-matter-of-fact statement but who was I to argue. He was establishing his ground rule while still trying to be the white prince he'd been all week. There was no mistaking. He would go along with this visit, his idea, but it was to be understood that my ass would get in his car and leave with him when it was time to go. He was going to pack me up with the rest of his luggage.

"Of course."

That was a loaded statement and he was testing me to see how I respond. If my response wasn't right, he would have called this trip off immediately. "I never want to be without you." I added that just for reassurance in case he was thinking about backing out. "I'm yours." Those were the words he wanted to hear. I might have been a young and inexperienced, but I had learned exactly what to say to please my husband.

He kissed the top of my head, gave me another squeeze, and then pulled away. "Okay then. Let's do this."

A/N: Well Jasper has some hard choices to make, but at least he's starting to come to terms with his connection to James. He has finally admitted that he no longer loves him like he used to and that he can no longer honor his vows. How will he get out? I wonder what is going to happen in Seattle…no really. I already have this story completed but I think the characters are trying to rewrite the script for me. Thank you all for reading. I've about had enough of James. We just have to get through Seattle and I think he has to be ousted…I kind of feel sorry for Edward though because Jasper is going to have some serious baggage. Thanks again.


	6. Chapter 6 Promises Don't Count

**A/N: Thanks to all of you are following and reviewing this story. This story hurts to write but be encouraged. There is light at the end of the tunnel.**

**If you are sensitive to abusive situation or too much angst, please understand that it is not my intention to alarm you or upset you. Jasper's struggle is why I am writing this. Please join me in the fight against domestic violence by helping in your local communities.**

**Please be advised that James is an unstable abuser and his emotional behavior is erratic. Jasper is a victim, no longer by choice, but he has to find a way out. I would love to hear some of your feedback as to how you think he should get out.**

**NOTE: This contains abusive situations between Jasper and James. Please be advised. Please remember that this is not Jasper's end, and help is on the way…SOON!**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Jasper's POV

A four hour drive was drastically shortened with James behind the wheel. I just knew he was going to get a citation for speeding. A couple of times I said something about him driving too fast and he just laughed and told me not to worry. He wouldn't let one hair on my body get hurt. What the fuck?

In spite of the problems that James and I had, I made up my mind when we left Forks that I was not going to let anything interfere with my time with my family. It was rare that I spent time with them, and I wasn't going to allow James' abuse to keep me from feeling and giving them love. I'd missed them terribly, and this weekend meant more to me than anything. I didn't know when I would get to see them again, and I needed this time with them to be special and memorable. I would push all thoughts of hating James to the side, if only for the moment. I willed myself to be thankful that he at least decided to take me to Seattle, even if my mother had threatened him. I was going to be happy and make the most of this trip with James, my nemesis, and that meant that I would have to laugh and get along with him.

About two hours into the drive, he reached over and touched my thigh. "Are you hungry?"

I laughed. "You heard my stomach?"

He smiled and raised his eyebrows. "Yes. I don't want you getting any ideas about eating me, unless you want a mouthful of something else." I just smiled and shook my head. "We can stop and get something."

"Okay. That'll be fine." The truth was, I was starving. Moments later, we were pulling into a local pancake house so we could eat hearty breakfast. We were seated and before long, we were eating our food. That was the most I'd seen him eat in a long while. Following his lead, I delved in.

"This is really good." I complimented. There was nothing like bacon and eggs and pancakes for breakfast, but I couldn't wait to get some of my mother's cooking. James couldn't boil water so I did all of the cooking in our house. My mother always cooked whatever I wanted even if she had to go to the store to buy the ingredients to make it. It would be nice to be pampered for a while.

"Mmm…mmm…" He agreed. "But not as good as yours."

I blushed. "Thank you."

He winked at me and continued with his breakfast. "I think I was just as hungry as you were, babe."

I laughed, remembering to keep the mood light and carefree. "Yeah. You're such a bear this morning."

"Before or after breakfast." He gave me a devious little grin. "Judging by the way you were screaming, I think I already know the answer."

I rolled my eyes. James was so narcissistic…so full of himself. It was quite disgusting. If he knew that most of that "screaming" was for his benefit, done strictly to make him feel like he's the man, he would probably take me out back and fuck me to prove he could _really_ make me scream. Remembering my promise to make this weekend good, I decided to play with him for a while. I was determined not to let this weekend go down the drain…from start to finish.

"For the record I was not screaming…"

"Mmm…hmmm…"

"I wasn't screaming. I was moaning with style."

He laughed just as he was swallowing and strangled on his food. I fought the urge to wish he could actually choke. Somewhere between the laughing and strangling, he managed to affirm that he was alright. I handed him his water.

"You're nuts, Jazzy." He wiped his face on his handkerchief. "Call it what you want. We know what really happened."

This was all surreal to me. I couldn't believe that we were sharing this lighthearted moment, even if I was secretly orchestrating most of it. I'd actually succeeded in making him laugh, and not just pretending to laugh. This was not the same man who'd sent me running to the hospital only a few days ago because I was afraid if I didn't have something on paper, I would never be able to prove he was hurting me.

As he continued with his meal, I watched him, desperately searching my mind for something that would help me figure all this out. My search yielded one name, a person I'd never met. Kate. I still had her number memorized in my head, and I had basically decided that once we got back to Forks, I was going to call her for some advice. I wanted to leave, but I needed to do it in such a way that I was going to be alright and not end up in the "Have You Seen Me" section of the newspaper.

The waiter came back to the table and my 'gaydar' kicked into overdrive. "You fellows are having way too much fun." He did not take his eyes off James, assuming his attraction to him. I watched in silence, and the expression on his face nudged something very familiar in me. It reminded me of the first time I'd met James. I had been stricken the same way this boy was now. It had been so easy for James to lure me into his web of lies and hurt by simply smiling and turning on that Hale charm. Our waiter reminded me of myself; young and innocent…so unknowing.

James didn't seem to notice the drool coming from the man's mouth. He was definitely not James' type, so honestly James had barely acknowledged he was there. He was clearly stricken with my husband, no doubt wondering why this man who obviously not from these parts, was in here eating breakfast. Even though James was dressed in jeans, he still stuck out like a sore thumb. Everything about him screamed debonair.

_If he only knew, he would catch the next breeze and vanish with it._

He put his hand on the back of James' chair and inched a little closer to him. "You alright hun?" He asked him, moving to clear some empty dishes from his side of the table. He deliberately put himself between me and James, and turned his back to me.

_That's just disrespectful. Now…James is quite the bastard and downright makes me want to choke him myself, but he's still my husband. I might not love him the way I use to, and would give my right arm to be out from under his tyranny, but to have another man totally disregard me like this is just wrong. It's bad enough for James to treat me like I'm nothing, but for other people, complete strangers, to treat me like a door mat is unacceptable. I get enough of that at home. _

_If the truth be told, it would probably be a blessing for me if he did run off with the waiter. That would certainly free me from this bondage I'm in, but this little boy did nothing but hurt my damaged self-esteem even more, and toy with the shred of dignity I have left as a man. God help me, but I have allowed him to reduce me to nothing. I feel like I have no place in this world…not in my own home, my marriage, or in a freaking pancake house._

James was still clueless as the boy introduced himself. "I'm Eric, by the way."

"Hi, Eric. Pleasure to meet you." James flashed him a brilliant smile, and had I actually been in love with him the way I used to be, I would have been consumed by jealousy. They continued talking about some randomness and I just sat there watching. James wasn't flirting with the boy; he was just making small talk with him. Eric on the other hand, was flirting and completely ignoring that this man he was so infatuated with, had a husband sitting at the same table!

"Are you from around here? I've never seen you in here before? A nice looking guy like yourself…you must be passing through?"

I remained silent, but I felt some indignation towards this boy who had managed to chip away at my manhood. Sure, I was weak, and I let another man control me like I was a ragdoll, but I'd be damned if I would let another man do it. No way! My feelings had nothing to do with James, and was definitely not because I loved my husband so much to point of jealousy. It had everything to do with the Jasper inside of me. If I would ever become a survivor, I had to stop allowing people do trample over me.

Eric irritated me. It wasn't because I was jealous that he was flirting with James. He and I got that all the time no matter where we went. I usually ignored it, but James was the one who always went ballistic. I really didn't care about James or Eric. They could screw in the car for all I cared. What bothered me was the fact that he totally disregarded my position as James' husband; like I was some little ant or something to be stepped on.

Eric finally turned around to look at me. With as much attitude his little sensitive ass could muster, he asked, "Do you need something?"

He backed up enough for James to get a good look at my face. I had a mouth full of pancakes and I swear I started to plaster them in his face, but decided I didn't want to spend the weekend in jail. I swallowed hard, and shot him a dirty look.

"I guess not." I fired back at him. I waved my fork a little and he put his hand on his hip as if he was about to throw some kind of girl-fit. "If you have to ask like that."

James finally clued in that something was up with me and sat quietly and watched the exchange between me and Eric.

"What do you mean, since I got to ask like that? I mean if you don't need anything, that's all you have to say." He spat, not even trying to hide his unmerited distaste for me.

I wanted to tell him so badly to get his little bitch ass out of my face, but I was watching James from my peripheral vision and decided I didn't want to create a show that would embarrass him and then get him all pissed off at me. I reminded myself of my promise to myself, and slowly reeled my anger back in.

I put my fork down and wiped my mouth on my napkin. I leaned toward him, looked him square in the eye, not backing down. "Don't need nothing." I sputtered. I knew that was way past grammatically correct, and I was hoping that little twink would get the message in my voice and buzz off. From my peripheral vision, I saw James smirking and even heard him snort at the realization that I was truly annoyed with this guy.

I had to get control of myself because I didn't want James thinking that I was capable of even remotely rebelling against him like that. He would beat every ounce of perceived rebelliousness out of me. James had worked hard at keeping me completely and totally under his control, and there was no way he would ever allow me to even _think_ about going there with him. I wanted to kick myself for allowing my fear of James to keep me from really standing up for myself like I wanted to. James had somehow managed to even steal my right to defend myself. He robbed me of my manhood, and suction every bit of dignity had. My life truly sucked.

"Humph." Eric started clearing the dishes and turned back to James. "Well, if _you _need anything just give me a holler. At least one of you got manners." He turned back to me and rolled his eyes. I started to dash my water on him. "Just rude."

"Whatever." I said as he walked off. I was surprised that James had stayed as quiet as he had. He actually found this little bickering amusing.

"Babe, don't let him ruffle your cute little feathers. He's harmless." James wink at me and smiled like a jack-ass chewing briars. "You're jealous."

I rolled my eyes. "I am not." I denied that accusation because truthfully I wasn't. "He was just disrespecting me."

He was still smiling. "My sweet little Jasper is jealous. I'm flattered."

I blushed red.

_You wish. Maybe a long time ago, I would have been. You've taken so much from me including my jealousy for you._

He reached across the table and stroked my hand. "Why do you think he was being disrespectful darling? I thought he was just simply being nice."

"James…" I started, holding my palms up to stress the obvious elephant in the room. "He was practically blowing you in front of me."

He laughed. "Oh come on Jasper. The kid was making small talk. He didn't even touch me."

"He totally disregarded me. It was as if I'm not even sitting here. Then he turns his back on me while he was talking to you…then cocks a nasty little twink-tude with me…what the fuck? You and I both know that he saw our rings. It was like he could have cared less that I am your husband."

James shook his head obviously shocked that I had found my voice. "Calm down. I wasn't paying him any attention. That's all that matters."

_That's all that matters? That's all that matters? You would have gone off on my ass like a missile if that guy had been hitting on me! It doesn't matter to you that you're not the only who disrespect me as your husband? It doesn't matter that I don't feel like a man when I'm with you; like your equal partner in this farce of a marriage? It doesn't matter that I have nothing in this fucking world, not even my measly self-respect? What the fuck matters to you James? This is such bullshit. I'm so sick of this bullshit!_

I shook my head and my knees in frustration. Tears rimmed my eyes. "You're my husband, James. He shouldn't have dissed me like that."

He took note of the tears in my eyes, and his face instantly chilled. I became nervous then because I'd seen that expression before. "You better not start with all the bitching and crying in here, Jasper. Now I said drop it."

I swiped tears from my face and immediately apologized to him out of fear he would punish me for embarrassing him, and turn around and take us back to Forks. "I'm sorry," was all I said.

Eric came back to the table to see if we were finished and ready for our check. He turned to James. "Will you be on a check with your son, or by yourself?"

I looked at James with pure rage in my eyes. If he wasn't going to defend me for that comment, I was going to knock Eric's ass out in this restaurant. He said that just to piss me off even more. He'd probably guessed we had money and wanted me to assault his ass so he could sue us or something. I knew his type quite well. I should complain to his manager about his rude behavior. I was about to unleash hell's fury on his ass, but James held up his hand to stop me.

"Jasper, calm down." He ordered.

_He's not going to defend me? His own husband? And I can't even defend myself? This is my battle to fight and he's not going to let me fight it? Even if he doesn't really love me anymore, he could at least have my back?_

"But, James-"

He gave me a hard look. "Jasper what did I tell you? Let it go!" He looked at Eric. "We're together."

What! He's going to let that shit slide! No way! .

"James, this little bi-"

"Jasper!"

He slapped his hand down on the table attracting the attention of some people sitting near us. I instantly retracted and shut my mouth. I knew that tone. My silence was not optional.

"Not another word about this." He gave me that 'one-more-word-and-you're-dead-meat' look. I bit back my tears and shook my knee fiercely. I was both hurt and pissed off by both of these fools. This was just bullshit! Straight, fucked up bullshit!

He turned to Eric and handed him his credit card. Eric took the card, turn and smirked at me, then left. James didn't even have my back on this. He just let Eric take that pot shot at me like it was nothing. All he cared about was ordering me around as usual, and showing people he could exert complete authority over me.

I was furious! I was not James' child and I would never be someone else push toy! I deliberately trapped my breath in my throat to keep from crying out loud. James' total disregard for my feelings was just too much. He'd made light of what Eric did to me. It was as if he enjoyed ridiculing me this way. James was supposed to be my husband. His behavior was hurtful especially since he'd been making great strides in treating me like a decent human this past week.

Having been boldly silenced, I kept my lips tight and fought hard against the tears that tried to escape my eyes. I held my head down, but James knew I was upset. Eric came back to the table with the receipts and I didn't bother to even look up at him for fear I would destroy the left side of his face. I could feel him sneering at me, gloating in the obvious fact that James was dominating me. I guessed he figured he'd done enough damage and decided to bid James good-bye and leave. He never said another word to me.

As we stood up to leave, James stopped in front of me. By this time I was wiping stray tears from my face, and trying hard not to break down. "Jasper, you're making a big deal out of nothing."

I didn't say anything but looked out the window and tried harder to keep the dam from breaking. He stood there watching my reaction. Thankfully no one was paying attention to us. I wiped a few more tears.

"I thought we were having a great time, Jasper. Why do you want to ruin it with such childish behavior?" He looked at his watch. "We need to get going, unless you want to go back home."

I was alarmed. "No, James." I sniffed and wiped my face again. "I want to go to Seattle." God, I sounded like a fucking child!

"Then dry that shit up. My God! Act like a fucking man, Jazz. I didn't marry this." He waved his hand up and down in front of my body. "Man up!"

I couldn't believe he was saying that to me. He told me to 'man up' and yet he treats me like I'm his child. He wanted me to behave like a man, but he tossed me around like I was some god-damn toy! He told me this, when he normally acted worse than me when a guy hit on me! Ugh! Lord give me strength because I felt like I was about to snap! I followed him as we left the restaurant and look up in time to see Eric laughing at me. I shot him a bird and resisted the urge to run back there and kick him in his balls.

James got in the car before I did and I slammed my door hard when I got in. I was still crying and quite angry. I quickly search the parking lot for my manhood that had apparently been tossed out there somewhere. He stalled before starting the engine and sat back on his seat. I just sat on my seat still not moving. I held my head down and refused to look at him.

I could see James out of the corner of my eye. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, obviously trying to control himself. I had to give it to him. He really was trying. Normally he would have just slapped me silly and been through with it.

"Jasper do you want me to take you back home?" He asked. I jerked my head up and looked at him with tears in my eyes.

"No." Tears trickled down my face.

"Then stop this, now." He ordered. "This juvenile behavior is completely unacceptable."

I swiped at the tears on my face. "I'm sorry."

He looked at me for a moment and his face became hard. I dropped my eyes to my lap again. He twisted in his seat to face me, and without a hint of reservation grabbed my hands. "Look at me, Jasper." I obeyed as the tears kept coming. "If this is indicative of how you're going to act this weekend, let me go ahead right now and warn you that I will not tolerate it. Just because we'll be around your family, doesn't mean that I won't beat your ass. Now I thought I was doing something nice for you, but if you're going to act like a small child then I'm going to treat like one."

I secretly called his bluff on that one. There was no way he would hit me in front of my parents…unless…unless he would do it somewhere other than their house without them knowing about it. I considered the severity of his threat to be legit at that point.

"I'm not acting like a child." My voice was barely audible. I was so humiliated. I fell like a bulldozer had just buried me underneath a wall of degradation.

"Yes you are, Jasper! You're sitting here crying…and for what…over some dumb kid who doesn't even know how to spell his own name. How can you behave so badly, Jasper?"

"I'm sorry."

"Well you know what? You should be." He released my hands, throwing them forcefully in my lap. "If you carry on like this at your parents, you're going to be sorry." He warned again. There was the old James. I was wondering when he would resurface. "Do you hear me?"

I nodded.

"I said do you hear me, Jasper?" He hissed. I knew he wasn't playing. Again I silently commended him for the amount of patience he was showing towards me throughout all this. Last week this time I would have been bleeding by now. I had to make sure that the rest of my weekend wasn't compromised any further, so like the wimp I was, I replied to my master.

"Yes." I whimpered.

"Yes what, Jasper." His eyes were like balls of fire and seared my soul as he looked at me. He was ensuring that I had not found some righteous rebellion, and that I had no autonomy.

"Yes, Sir." My voice was mousy and helpless.

He stared at me a moment longer and started the engine. Before he backed out of the space, he looked over at me. "If you ever slam my door like that again, I'm going to slam your face into that damn door. Understand?"

_Welcome back, James. I knew you couldn't stay away to long._

I nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Now dry your face and I don't want to hear a whimper from you until we get to Seattle, unless I ask you to speak. One sound and I am going to give you something to cry for. Is that clear, Jasper?"

I immediately cleaned my face. Had I ever even been a man? I felt like an insecure tot.

"Yes, Sir." I was done.

We headed out of the parking lot. "You know not to play with me like this. This is why I can't be nice to you, Jasper. When I try to do well by you, you always fuck it up and do something stupid. I give you an inch and you take all the length you want. I'm not going to have it Jasper, and I mean that. When I tell you to do something, it is unequivocally understood that you _will_ do it. If I tell you to shut your god-damn mouth, then that's what I mean. I don't ever want to have to tell you twice to do something again."

I'd done it. I had successfully pissed him off. All because I wanted an ounce of self-respect. I still felt I had every right to be upset, but I knew better than to offer any other objection. Arguing with him was futile. I was his child…plain and simple…and he could whip me whenever he got ready. He could be nice as he wanted to be and as evil as he wanted to be. I hoped that this wasn't signifying the end of the honeymoon.

We stopped at a traffic light and I had my head bowed so he couldn't see me crying. I knew James. If he told me that he didn't want to hear a sound, he meant that, and disobedience would have dire consequences. I tried but I couldn't keep a sob from escaping. He reached over and turned my face to his. The light changed to green and he pulled over to the side of the road. From past experience, I knew that pulling over was not a good sign.

I coiled into a tight little ball to brace myself for what was coming. He put the car in park and undid his seat belt. I immediately began pleading my case.

"James, I'm sorry."

"Jasper, why do you insist on fucking with me?" His voice was tight and I knew this was going to be bad.

"James, I'm sorry. I'll stop. I'm just upset because I love you and I didn't want that guy acting like I wasn't your husband." I was pulling at straws, but the look in his eyes told me that he felt like he had to snap me back in line before I got too out of hand. I thought that telling him I loved him would help.

He didn't hear a word of what I said. He reached for me, determination in his eyes. I put my arms and hands up to block my face.

"Put your hands down, Jasper." He commanded. "Take them down now!"

I began to cry harder. "James, please, baby I'm sorry." I pleaded. "I'm so sorry, baby. Please don't hit me."

He took hold of my knee and began spanking me on my thighs. I tried to maneuver my body out of the way.

"James, please…" Tears covered my face. "Please, baby…

"Shut up, Jasper." He hit me again.

I grabbed his hand tightly, and that set him off big time. This time he balled up his fist, but there must have been a god on my side because when he saw the look in my eyes, he opened his hand again.

"I told you to put your hands down Jasper."

"Okay." I still held my arms defensively.

"Put them down like I said."

I was scared to because they were my only defense against him.

"Put them the fuck down Jasper!" He snarled.

I dropped my arms and he went for the gusto.

"Here I am telling you twice to do something despite what I just said. Yourdisrespect ends now." He snatched my hands and began slapping me with his strong hand…and for no good reason.

"Baby, you promised that you wouldn't hurt me." He hit me again. "James, y-you promised…you said you were going to change."

He raised himself up on his knees to get a better angled. He hit me again. "Shut up, right now!"

"Okay, baby, I will…I will…I- James-" I was crying so hard that I could hardly make out what was happening.

"Shut up, Jasper." He ordered and jerked my head back with a fist full of my hair. "Shut the fuck up!"

I muffled my cries and swallowed my sobs and frantically tried to regain control of myself and reduce my tears and fear to a minimum. My back was pressed firmly against the passenger door and I was wishing that James had pulled off on a busy road. There was no one around, except for a few passing cars that didn't have had a clue what was taking place inside that three hundred thousand dollar Aston Martin.

As I silenced myself, my body shook from the force it took me to reel my emotions back in line. He released me with a forceful push against the door, and refused to break eye contact with me for several minutes. The old James was definitely back. I knew this past week was too good to be true.

"Put your seat belt back on…" I reached for the belt but he stopped me. "You know what, better yet, since you want to be a child, get your sorry, pathetic ass in the back seat."

I was struggling to stop sobbing before he decided to start beating me again. I reached for the door handle, but he reached out and grabbed my arm tight again. "Before you get out, take care of me first."

_What the fuck? This man just beat the crap out of my ass, and now he wants me to give him head! He got a rise out of this? I mean, I'd read in my research that sometimes abusers did this. They beat their victims, then got sexual pleasure from it, and forced their victims to perform sexual acts on them. James had never done this before. This was uncharted ground for him. Why was he doing this? This was a living nightmare._

With a sad look that was nothing more than a freaking turn on for him, I got on my knees crying and reached over and unbuttoned his pants. I was crying hard, but not uncontrollably, when I unzipped him, and he raised his hips and pulled his pants and boxers down. He leaned back on the seat and resigned to let me go to work on his cock. He was quiet the entire time, breathing heavily from exertion and pleasure all at the same time.

After swallowing a mouth full of his jizz, I got out of the car as quickly as I could, and seriously considered running. Realizing that I had nowhere to go out here, and that I wouldn't get to see my parents, I obeyed my 'father' and got in the back seat. I buckled my seat belt and put my head in my hands.

I was surprised that he actually followed through with going to Seattle after what had just happened. My parents must have really spooked him by telling him they were going to come searching for me. I guess it didn't matter though. He'd successful snapped his child back in line, so he could move forward to Seattle now. He wasn't going to have any more trouble from me.

I was so distraught that I ended up falling into a fitful, but well needed sleep. When I awoke, I could still taste James' cum in my mouth, and slipped a peppermint I'd taken from the restaurant in my mouth to erase the taste. I saw the welcome to Seattle sign, and I couldn't even get excited.

My face and body was hurting, and I secretly wiped tears from my eyes when they fell so James wouldn't get angry with me again. What changed? What were the triggers? Why had he'd gotten so mad? Because I wanted to claim myself as a man? There were so many questions that couldn't be answered because I was just way too confused. Living with James was taxing and I just couldn't think well enough to process what had happened not just today but all week long.

James pulled over to a gas station to fill up once we crossed over into Seattle. He got out to pump the gas, a shocker because he usually made me do it. I sat in the backseat, but refused to put my head in my hands so he wouldn't think I was still crying. I watched him as he waited for the tank to fill up. He stood with his muscular arms crossed over his chest, staring at me through the window. We locked eyes, and the look on his face hinted a little bit of guilt for what he'd done to me. He'd tried, but I kept pushing him until he lost control again. I shouldn't have felt this way, but I felt like it was my fault. I should have ignored Eric and just kept the atmosphere light and jovial.

I heard the familiar click signifying that the gas was finished. James placed the handle back and went inside the store. While he was inside I took a moment to think. If this was the start of another round of abuse, I knew that I would probably end up at Forks Hospital again. From the research I'd read, it said that after the honeymoon phase sometimes the abuse got worse. I wasn't sure if I could take it. I didn't think I had it in me. A part of me wanted it to get worse…maybe James would give me an unlucky lick and take me out permanently. Then it would all be over, and I wouldn't have to live like this anymore. I wiped a few tears at the thought of this. I was twenty-three years old and found myself wanting to die just to get some peace.

I didn't want James to know I was crying, so I dried up all evidence. He came out of the store with a small bag. He got in the back seat on the passenger side and scooted over to me. I cowered away thinking he was about to go for round two. Instead, he reached up and stroked my cheeks that were red and sore from the slapping. Admittedly, he didn't hit me as hard in my face, probably because we were going to my parents and he didn't want to have to explain why my face looked like I had sunburn. I had already planned to tell them I went to the tanning bed.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy." He was apologizing? This man was an unpredictable maniac! "Do you forgive me, baby?" He was still stroking my cheek. What was I supposed to say…no?

I barely nodded and he smiled. "I got you something." He handed me the bag and I looked at him like he was insane. "Jujube's. Your favorite."

I held the bag in my hand, still looking at him like he was an ant from a foreign country. "Come on Jazzy, I'm trying to apologize. I lost control with you and I'm sorry. I'm trying to change pumpkin." He gave my thigh a gentle squeeze. "I love you, Jazzy. Please don't hate me. We're going to go Seattle and you're going to have a good time, and then we're going to come back home together."

So that was it! He was scared I wasn't going to want to go back to his hell hole with him! That freaking bastard! So he was trying to be nice to me because he thought my parents would find out that he'd beaten me, and they would convince me to stay with them! Coward! I feared that if I didn't say something to acknowledge his pathetic attempt to apologize, he was going to do it again.

"It's okay, James."

He exhaled and smiled brilliantly at me. "So you're not mad?"

_Hell fucking yes, you bastard! _

"No…of course not James. I'm good." I lied. I certainly didn't want him to renege. "Thanks for the candy."

He winked and turned to get out of the car. He turned backed to me and pulled me to him for a kiss. I didn't kiss him back. I was so done.

"Jazzy, I don't like hurting you."

_Then stop doing it. _

"Please be good, baby so I don't have to keep doing that." So he basically just told me he was going to keep finding a reason to bust my ass.

_Unbelievable!_

"I will." I said softly.

"Good, boy. You know I love you. You're my boy…the only one for me. You're mine and I'm yours. I would hurt someone if they tried to take you from me. We're in this until death…those were our vows right?"

His words put the fear of God in me. "Yes baby. I'm not going anywhere. There's no need to think about hurting other people." My mind immediately went to Edward. "I'm all yours." For a tough guy, James sure was insecure.

He kissed me again. "I knew you would say that." He reached between my legs and massaged my cock. It didn't even respond to his wicked touch. "Mine…this is mine…no one else."

_Insecure. _"Yes baby…" My voice was shaky. "It's only yours."

He moved his hand lower to my ass. "Mine."

His possessiveness was eerie. "Yes, James. All yours."

"Don't you ever even think about giving this to anyone but me." His words were sharp, piercing. "You belong to me, Jasper. No one owns you but me."

I stared at him blankly and battled with tears again. I'd married a psychopath. I was terrified of him. "Sure, baby, why are you worried. I have no desire to give myself to anyone else. You're the only man I've ever been with or ever will be with." God I hoped that was a lie.

He was mechanical. "Good. I would hate to think about what would happen if you did." He patted me on my cheek. "Jazz…"

"Yes, James?"

"Remember, we come together, we leave together." James was crazy as hell and he could potentially kill up everyone in the house. I wouldn't put anything past him. There was no way I was going to renege and try to stay in Seattle. It was too risky for my family.

"Yes, we will baby. I'll go back home with you."

"Good, boy."

_What am I? Fido the dog? Next you'll be telling me to go fetch or sit or some old bullshit like that!_

He got out of the car and returned to the driver's side. He opened the glove compartment to put something in it and I saw a gun in there. What the blasted fuck was that thing doing in there? When did he get a gun? WHY did he get a gun? Was he really going to use that thing? Was he going to use it on me? My family? Was this what this trip about…was he planning to kill everyone to get rid of them…out of his hair once and for all?

I was really confused now and scared as hell. James was crazy as a bed bug, but he wasn't a murderer. He wouldn't hurt my family, unless I left him…I think. I wasn't so sure if he wouldn't try to harm me though, or even Edward if he knew that he was attracted to me. I came to the conclusion that he meant for me to see that gun. I didn't know how to use it and had no use for it, so I assumed he wanted me to know that he was more than capable of not only owning weapons, but using them properly too.

"James, baby, is that a gun?" I couldn't help it. I had to know. "Why do you have a gun baby?"

He waved his hand. "Oh that thing? Jasper I've had that forever. I just put it in the car while we are traveling in case some punks try to jump us."

I had no doubt that James would not hesitate to shoot a thug if he tried to rob him, but somehow I knew he also meant to use that gun to send a message to another person…me. He was silently telling me that if I crossed him in any way he was going to make good on his promise to kill me.

"Um…yeah…right. I didn't think about that." I made eye contact with him in the dash mirror. His eyes danced when he saw the fear in my eyes. He had me exactly where he wanted me. Fearful and one hundred percent at his mercy. He'd beaten me into fear and trapped me in a corner I didn't even know how to get out of. I just couldn't take those chances. I didn't really know what he was fully capable of. I didn't know if he was blowing hot air or if he was serious about permanently disposing of me if I tried to leave him.

"Don't worry, Jazzy. I told you it's my job to take care of you. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you." He gave me another evil wink. "Just be a good boy and I'll look after you."

_You wouldn't let anyone else hurt me but you do it all the time. And you know damn well that I know what you really mean. You're sitting your sadistic fuck ass in here telling me that you'll pop a cap in my stupid ass whenever you get ready. I'm not stupid!_

I didn't say anything but dropped my eyes to my lap. I wanted to punch him so badly. I wanted to fight back but couldn't. I wanted to run but I knew I would get lost. I wanted to scream but no one would hear me. I just wanted out.

A/N: I am crying now so I will let this chapter marinate. Next up his parent's house…I will say this…remember Edward lives in Seattle. I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm sorry this chapter was harsh. The is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Now I'm signing off. Please review.


	7. Chapter 7  The Love I've Missed

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews. I know this story is hard and we've had to navigate through James' mess to get Jasper to his safe place. Thanks for sticking in there. This story has been difficult to write. James is a jerk and his meter is almost out. Please try to identify with what Jasper is going through. I strongly encourage you to get involved in your local community in their efforts to stand against domestic violence. DV is real. Jasper's experience is just one of so many others. Every victim's experience is different. Please understand this. There are people who need your support…whether it's time, money, prayers, or whatever…please extend your hands to help. Thank you again.**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

**WARNING! WARNING! GRAPHIC ABUSE...This is the last time...I know its rough, but I had to let you all see how real this is and so you will have a better appreciation of the Cullens love and acceptance later. I apologize in advance for this chapter. Please do not read if this bothers you. **

Jasper's POV

As we neared our subdivision instead of feeling excited, I felt sad. My body was stinging from the "love" James just show me. Everything looked so familiar as if I'd never left. I saw my old school and the playground where my friend Kevin and I used to play and ride our bikes. I saw the baseball diamond where our fathers use to take us, and so many other places we use to frequent. The overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and remorse for my current situation brought tears to my eyes, but I quickly massaged them away. I missed this town. I missed my family and my friends. More importantly…I missed Jasper.

I was a shell of my former self. A ghost. I didn't have an identity anymore. As I looked around me, all I saw were memories of the life I used to have. I saw a life that had been great and filled will people who loved and cared for me. It was a life that had all but been erased by fear, doubt, pain, insecurity, and distrust. It was a life I could only hope to attain again someday.

James parked the car in the parking lot of Lickety Splits, a local ice cream creamery where we use hang out. He sat there quietly with his head bowed and his arms crossed over his chest. I knew what he was doing. He was assessing me. He was trying to see if I was "well" enough to handle this visit without putting him in a compromising situation.

"Jasper, are you ready for this?" He asked. "I know you really want to have a good time this weekend and you don't want to ruin it by dwelling on the past do you?"

I didn't say anything, but I just held my head down. I wiped more tears from my face and couldn't help sniffling. I was sure he heard me and was probably going to slap me around again. I just felt so alone in a place that had always been my safe haven. I felt abandoned and hurt. I felt like no one in the world loved or wanted me. I truly felt like I had nothing.

"Jasper?" He asked softly. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir." My voice was humble like a child. "I'm okay."

He sighed impatiently. "If you don't think you can handle this, we can go back home. I thought that this would be good for you, but there's no need in going further if you are going to misbehave."

Now what he was really saying was, _"I'm going to take your sorry ass back home if you don't assure me right now that you aren't going to blow my cover."_

"I'm sorry, James. I'll be good. I want to see my family." I replied. I felt nothing for him right then. Not love or hate…just empty feelings. I mean how could I? He'd just beat me and forced me to engage in sexual acts with him against my will. I meant nothing to him. I was just dirt.

"Are you still crying, Jasper?"

I wiped my face. "I'm sorry. I will stop."

"Jasper, you know _all _of this is your fault. If you would just do as I ask you to, there wouldn't be a need for this type of drama. You're disobedient Jasper. When I ask you to do something, I mean for you to do it. Now, I don't like to hurt you, but you leave me no choice when you behave the way you have today."

"I didn't do anything." My voice broke as I started crying again. "You just started hitting on me and…" God help but I started crying harder.

"That's it. We're going home." He moved to start the engine. There was no way he was going to bring me out here and dangle my family in front of me only to snatch it way from me again.

"James." My voice was sticky. I touched him on his shoulder to stop him. "James, please, I'll stop." I begged. "I'm trying to…please don't take me back to Forks. I want to see my family."

He dropped his hand back to his thigh. "Then go inside and clean your face. Pull your shit together, and come out looking like you're grateful that I'm going out of my way for you by allowing you to come here, _instead,_ of standing by my side supporting _me_ this weekend at a very important function that I cancelled because of you. I will not do this for you again if this is how you will thank me."

"I'm sorry, James. Thank you for bringing me here." I got out of the car and prayed I wouldn't run into anyone I knew on the way in. My face was a mess. I went straight to the bathroom, and started running the water. I looked in the mirror. My eyes were puffy from crying and my cheeks were a little pink from James slapping me. I doused cold water on my face and took wet paper towels and put them on my eyes. I dried my face and hands, and then took my comb out of my pocket and groomed my hair. I pulled my sleeves down to cover any bruises or cuts that might have been lingering and examined myself thoroughly to make sure no evidence of James' punishment was showing.

I seriously thought about running or at least calling someone from my cell phone, but I didn't trust James. He had that gun in the car, and I really couldn't be sure if he would use it or not. I thought about calling Kate, but if I took too long he would come looking for me. I just needed to talk to someone. I just needed help, and I didn't know what to do.

I put my designer sunglasses on to hide the ugliness of my eyes. I walked back into the busy creamery and headed towards the door. I was standing in front of the door on the outside when I heard someone calling my name. James had his window down and could hear every word. I was only two feet from the car.

"Jasper!" I turned and saw Reggie Long, a close family friend heading towards me. He was about six feet-four inches, and looked like he should have been a pro-ball player. His African-American frame was built for such, but instead he was chief of police.

It hurt to smile, and even more to deceive people I love by not telling them the truth, but I gave him the best smile I could. "Uncle Reggie!" Okay, as children, we were not allowed to address adults by their given names without putting a label on it. We were taught to put a tag on it, either "Mr." or "Ms." or a more affectionate label like "Uncle" or "Aunt." That was just the way we were reared in our family. As an adult, I still did that as a personal sign of respect for my elders. I have often wondered if much of what my parents had taught me to do as a child contributed to my willingness to submit to James' authority. The jury was still out on that one, and the answer was yet to be determined. My parents were certainly not to blame for me allowing James to abuse me, but I just wondered if some of the willful humility for my superiors originated in childhood.

He came up to me and pulled me into a hug. I was like a ragdoll in his arms. "How are you Uncle Reggie?"

"I'm doing good…how about you?" He asked. I kept smiling for his and James' sake who was watching this transaction from the car. Was he going to be jealous of Uncle Reggie too?

"Just fine." I lied. "Thank you. So what are you, like a linebacker or something?" I joked, punching his chest. I straightened my shoulders and flexed my muscles to pretend to look like him. "You're all buff and stuff."

He laughed. "It's all that working out with your father and Michael. Those two are going to kill me yet."

"Somehow, I think that's the other way around." We laughed.

"So what are you doing these days, Jasper?" I wasn't sure if my mother had told him that I was married, but he knew I was gay. I've been out for a while, and that part of me was no secret.

"Same old, same old. Just trying to survive." Oh man! I didn't mean that like it sounded. I refused to look at James who would surely take that comment the wrong way.

"I hear you man. I hear you. So how long are you going to be in town?" He asked, oblivious that I had a husband who was eavesdropping on our conversation. He'd never met James.

"Just until Sunday." I said sadly wishing I could stay much longer.

"Okay, well I will come by and holler at you later. Maybe we can whip out those cards…it's been a long time since I spanked you in a game of Spades."

I laughed again and realized I had not introduced him to James, who would not appreciate being ignored. "It's nothing but space and opportunity. You name the time and place, and I'll be waiting on you." I moved closer to the car so I could unfortunately make my introductions. "Wait a minute. My partner isn't here to play with me, so I may have to give you a rain check on that one."

He grinned. "Pretty cocky there, Jazzy. What? You can't play with anyone but Kevin?"

I smirked. "I don't trust anyone _but_ Kevin?" Again I didn't mean that they way it sounded. James would probably misunderstand that too. Was this entire weekend going to be a painstaking walk on spiky shards of glass? I decided to go ahead and make my introduction so I could get out of here. I was grateful for the distraction Reggie caused. It gave me a chance to gain better control of my emotions before we made the short trek to my parents' house.

"Uncle Reggie," I stepped to the driver's window so Reggie could focus on James. "This is James, my husband." Even though they were the same age, age was not thing that embarrassed me about James. It was just _him_ that was the ultimate embarrassment. "James this is Reggie Long, a very close friend of the family. He's also the buffest chief of police I've ever known."

James looked intrigued. He seemed surprised that I had personal connections with law enforcement. Reggie extended his hand and James shook it. "Nice to meet you." Reggie greeted. He didn't even blink an eye when he took in the obvious fact that James was much older than me. I guess he figured I was an adult and respected my decisions.

"My pleasure." James responded nicely. He almost sounded authentic. From his cheerful demeanor, one would never think that he was as evil as the devil himself. He gave Reggie his winning smile, and I had to check my brain to see if I remembered that butt whipping he'd just given me, or the threats he'd made to me minutes earlier. "It's about time Jasper introduced me to his friends. I was beginning to think he didn't have any."

_You sneaky snake! You're the one who keeps me from my friends! You don't care whether I have friends or not, let alone care about meeting them._

Reggie laughed. "Well, Jasper's a good kid so I'm sure he just hadn't gotten around to it yet." He smiled at me. He was a cop, and more importantly he knew me. He knew how I felt about my family and friends. He knew that if I hadn't come around and introduced James to them, it couldn't have been by my own choice. I was sure that in his line of work, he'd seen James' type before.

"So I will see you later." He hugged me again. "It's _so_ good to see you. I'm glad you surfaced. Your Dad and Michael have been threatening to round up the posse, and I was delegated to be a part of the search committee." He looked at James and winked. "You should count yourself lucky. They were coming for you about their "baby." Word to wise…don't mess with the "babies."

James gave him a fake laugh. He seemed nervous. It was obvious he didn't appreciate Reggie's joking. If he only understood the seriousness of Reggie's remarks, he would think twice before he kept me away for so long again. What James had grossly underestimated was that while he'd convinced me that no one cared and all of that, they _really_ did care. I was so blinded and distracted by James' hullabaloo, that I couldn't always focus on the fact that my family did love me.

I was not that boy that he could just take away, and they would forget I'd ever existed. This was evident in my mother's threatening phone calls, and what Reggie was telling us now. They would have hunted his ass down if they had to, and bringing Reggie and his powerful enforcement connections in on it would have made it so easy for them to come get me. I got the impression that James was uneasy with this revelation.

I don't know why I was so afraid of James. I mean, logically this whole falling prey to his abuse thing was confusing to me. I had so many people who would run to my rescue without hesitating, and would die trying to defend me. I was beginning to understand what the research I'd done meant. Even though victims have strong supporters and people who love and care about them, the abuser can weave such a tight web of deceit, lies, and manipulation that the victim can't navigate his way back to the people who really care for his well-being. This was exactly what James had done to me. He'd duped me into believing that the most important people in my life didn't give a fuck about whether I lived or died. It was crazy to believe that I had lived with these people a lot longer than I had even known James, but James was the master of what he did. He was a skillful wizard, and he knew the right words and actions that would draw me in like a mosquito to a bug light.

The research said that most abusers establish this separation, victims from their loved ones, during the earlier stage of their relationship. They usually make the victim fall in love with them, and get their minds and heart wrapped up emotionally and psychologically in them. Once they have lured them this way, then they can begin the separation process. They didn't wait until the abuse started. It would be too easy for the victims to say, "What the hell? I didn't sign up for this shit! I'm out of here!" No…they have to make them fall in love and bring them to the point of no return- the point where the victim would be willing to do _any_ and _everything_ for them…even abandon their family and friends.

Looking back, I could see how James had accomplished exactly that. I fell so hard for him and I would just make excuses for not seeing my family and would chalk it up to just being too busy with this or that to call or write or whatever. Once James saw that I had fallen into his trap, he took over the reins and before long he was in control of who I saw, called, wrote, or whatever. That was how I ended up in this place—a place of desolation, perplexity, and heartbreak.

James shrugged it off. "Oh, now, we haven't been away that long. You know how it is. You just get busy and can't always get away."

Reggie smile and rubbed his fist against the palm of his other hand. "That's true, but like I said…" He laughed and pointed to James. "They were hot on your tail." He raised his hands and shrugged. "Then they were dragging me along to be the enforcer." He laughed again but James got the message. The look on his face told me he was pissed.

"Well, it's so good to see you Uncle Reggie. You are definitely an enforcer with all those muscles." James sighed and tapped his fingers on the stirring wheel. He was ready to go.

"Well, you remember what I told you when you graduated high school. Just one call…and I'll be there." Now that comment was seriously directed towards James. There was no mistaking that innuendo. He wanted James to know he would kick his ass if he ever found out he was hurting.

"Got it." I responded. I hadn't called them and told on James for this very reason. They would rip him to pieces and burn his body to purple smoke and ashes, and since he didn't have family who really gave a hot damn about his skank ass, no one would come looking for him. "I'll see you later."

"Okay, baby boy. You take care of yourself." He hugged me and whispered. "You remember what I told you. I always got your back. All you have to do is ask."

I nodded and when he'd turned his back and went inside, I hurried up and got in the back seat so he wouldn't wonder why I was riding there and not in the front seat with my so called husband.

"I wouldn't advise you to keep making the smart ass comments, Jasper."

"I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean to say anything to offend you."

"Keep it up and you'll be holding your teeth in your hands." He looked at me in the rear view mirror. "Just keep your fucking comments to yourself, you hear me?"

"Yes, sir." I mumbled.

"Trying to _survive_?" We were almost to my parents' house. He'd been yelling at me from the time we left the creamery. I made eye contact with him in the mirror. "Keep fucking with me little boy and I will give you a reason to try to survive." I remained silent and just shook my head as he released a string of profanity and threats against me and my family. I couldn't think of a single thing that I'd done to deserve being treated like this. God truly hated me.

"I wish those mother-fuckers would come to my house. Who the fuck do they think they are? I wish they would even try to take you away from me. That will be the day you read about their funerals, all of them, in the god-damn newspaper. I swear I will waste every one of them!" He continued this rant until we reached my parents' house.

Life with James was a big eggshell. There was no right or wrong. The least little thing could set him off, so there was no way I could avoid making him angry because what made him angry one minute, made him happy the next. I would suffer the consequences, but I wasn't going to ruin my weekend with my family trying to figure how to pacify him. That would be time consuming and I might as well have stayed in Forks.

He pulled onto my parents' street and I knew I had to get it together before we got there. I didn't want to make them worried or upset in any way…especially my mother. If she saw me like this, she would be beside herself. Then she would call Dad and it would be on. I so was tired of pretending, but I couldn't cause a ruckus. I might not ever see them again if I did. James had just beaten me like a child for no reason, and I was tired of being his punching bag, but I remembered my promise to myself to make this weekend the best possible. I had to put on the best Jasper I could and enjoy my family.

James pulled into my parents' driveway and it surprised me that he didn't even have to ask me for directions. He'd only been here once in his entire life, as far as I knew anyway. He didn't even use the GPS. I pushed this concern in the back of my head, but I found it odd that he knew how to get here with such ease. Either he'd memorized the directions or he just had a great memory. Either way, I didn't feel comfortable with the ease of access that he had to my family. I think he meant to do this, to let me know that he could easily find them or me if he ever needed to.

My mom ran out of the house before we could even get out. My mother had honey blonde hair and blue eyes like mine. She was fair skinned and dainty in her appearance. She was a delicate beauty of sorts. Most of all, she was my Mom and I loved her dearly.

She rushed to the passenger side but stopped short when she saw me sitting in the back. I opened the door and hopped out before she could even make it to my side. She came around the back of the car and had "why in the hell are you sitting in the back seat" question on her face. Rosie and I had always fought over who would ride shotgun, so she knew I always rode in the front. I immediately answered it for her.

"I'd forgotten how long that drive is. I'm glad no one was riding with us. That was a great nap." She didn't seem convinced but resigned to let it go. I hurriedly closed the door so she wouldn't see that I didn't have a blanket or pillow.

"Hi, darling." She kissed me on my lips and hugged me tightly. "Oh, I've missed you so. It is so great to see you." She pulled back and stroked me up and down my arms.

"Hi, Mama." I was much taller than she was. I spun her around several times in a bear hug, and watched as my nemesis-lover exited the car. I was grateful that her back was turned away from his scorching eyes. He was jealous of the affection I was showing her. He didn't like that at all. He wanted me all for himself and despised the fact that I would give anyone else even a little bit of my love. James disgusted me and I had to close my eyes to keep from crying. I relished in my mother's love.

_God how I needed this. I've missed this so much_.

She was so beautiful and her smile was enough to make me want to momentarily forget all of my troubles and James. I ignored his angry glares. This was _my_ family. He never wanted to be a part of them. I didn't want to lose precious time with them fooling around with James' bullshit. I was going to enjoy myself to fullest and suffer the consequences with James later. That was it. He was going to find a reason to beat me anyway. I might as well give my family everything I had while I could.

"It's so good to see you, baby. I've missed you so much." She took in my appearance and gave me a full once over. Her eyes rested on my pink cheeks. "Now I know there's not much sun in Forks. What happened to your face?" She asked suspiciously.

I hugged her again. "I missed you more, Mama." James was still standing next to his car looking like Satan himself. "I tried to go to the tanning booth and this was what I got. You know I've never been a good tanner." She eyed me suspiciously. She wasn't buying that. My mother had never been stupid. I decided to change the subject. "Where are Dad and Rosie?"

She held my hands in hers. "Your father is at work and Rosalie is in class." She ran her hands up and down my arms again. "We have so much catching up to do." It was then that she remembered hat my other half was with me and she turned to face him. He was aloof and distant, but managed a smile.

"Hello James." She smiled warmly at him although I knew she didn't care for him. She had always suspected that James was more than controlling. She believed that he was abusive and had confronted me about it on one occasion. Of course I'd defended James and denied her allegations of any wrongdoing on his part. Unfortunately, James had been monitoring that call and had heard it all. That was when he really started running interference with the phones.

"Elizabeth." He managed a smile as he had with Reggie. "Always a pleasure."

She smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad you decided to come for a visit. I was starting to believe that you'd run off for good with my baby. I know he's your husband now, but we love him. He's still ours…always will be."

"Jasper and I have been busy, but I understand. We will do better about communicating in the future."

_You lying mother-fucker! You know god-damn well you are not going to let me call them that often, and I seriously doubt they will be allowed to visit or that I will even get a chance to visit again. Cut the crap James!_

Mama turned back towards me. "Well come on inside. I'm sure you're exhausted sweetheart." She wrapped her arms around my waist. I ignored the furious look he gave me. He truly hated anyone giving me love. "Just leave your bags. We can get them later."

"Well, actually Elizabeth, I think Jasper should get those now. I don't want my clothes getting wrinkled any more than they have." I shot him a dirty look and he didn't flinch. Not wanting this to turn ugly, I reluctantly caved. She looked at James like he had two heads, but kept quiet.

"You know, Mama. He's right. I'll just go ahead and get them so I won't have to worry with them later." I gave her a smile, but she frowned. I knew she wanted to ask why _I _was the one who had to get them as if I was his servant.

"Well very well then. I have to run to the store anyway. I'll meet you in the house baby when I get back." She didn't like James ordering me around like this. I saw it in her face. She normally didn't have a problem with communicating her dislike for him, but for my sake she held her peace. "I have a surprise for you."

"Okay. Thanks. We'll be here." I smiled as she backed out, and went to the trunk to get the bags once she was gone. James popped the trunk and followed me.

"I swear I married down when I married you." He insulted me. "You look at me one more time like you just did and I'm going to put your ass in the hospital." He snarled. "Do you hear me?"

That's it. I was done! Fuck trying…I wasn't taking this bullshit. I rolled my eyes and continued to look at this weak, unconfident man before. The James I'd met years ago had been strong and confident. This one was a scared, pathetic punk, and he'd bossed me around enough. He could beat me, shoot me, or whatever, but I was so over him treating me like dirt.

"I said do you hear me, Jasper?" He was demanding my subservience again.

"What did I do, James?" I asked not even trying hide my disdain. Tears welled in my eyes again, but I stayed strong. "I haven't done _anything_ to you."

Before I knew anything he'd jacked me up by my shirt, but somewhere inside me was something I'd lost a long time ago…my fight. I pushed him off of me with as much force as I could. He stumbled backwards but stayed on his feet. He held his position, and his eyes looked blackened with rage. I was trembling with fear.

He stalked towards me and before I knew what was happening, he slapped my face three or four times and knocking the rebellion right out of me as I fell to the ground. It almost knocked the wind out of me and I scraped my palms on the concrete when I tried to break my fall. He kicked me in my side and I rolled over and whelped in pain when he kicked me in my lower back, and then behind my neck with the toe of his shoe. I was crying fiercely when he smashed my face in the damp grass. He grabbed and pulled me by my shirt, dragging me behind some tall evergreen hedges that decorated my neighbors house. He was so enraged that he had completely forgotten that we were in a neighborhood where people could be just a breath away from us. I was secretly praying that the neighbors would see, but I quickly deducted that everyone was still at work this time of day. They would not hear or see what was happening to me.

James slung me behind the bushes so hard that I fell and hit my head on some bricks that adorned the neighbors flower bed. We were completely out of anyone's hearing and vision range by now.

_Why did Mama have to go to that store? _

James appeared to have lost it to the point where he really didn't care. He was going to make good on his promise to beat my ass if I showed out on him while I was here in Seattle.

"James...baby..."

"Shut the fuck up!"

"James..." He took off his thick leather belt and swung it at me, furiously hitting me with it. "James...baby...please...please...please.."

He proceeded to beat me everywhere on my body like a raging bull with the buckle end and manage to somehow drag me lower behind the bushes. It was as if were in a deep little crevice in that backyard and no one could hear me begging and pleading for him to stop.

He pulled my pants down and was trying is best to put his foot up my ass.

"Jammmmmmmmmmmmmmes...stop it! Somebody help me!" That call for help made him even more livid. He kicked me again and again. "You're hurting me!" I screamed. "You're hurting me!"

"I...told...you...to...shut...the...fuck...up!" He seethed and snarled while tearing into my naked ass with that belt again.

_Mama please come back. Please Mama. Please come help me...please come to me Mama please._

"You wanna fuck with me, bitch?"

"No, sir." I backed away like a scared kitten into a corner until my back hit a wall. He hit me in the top of my head with that bed. I blocked him with my hands and arms and sustained multiple hits from the buckle.

My naked butt was cold form sitting on the wet grass. "I-I-I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

"Put your hands under your knees." He ordered. I was scared for my life. If James was bold enough to do this in public and despite the possibility that my mother could return and hear at any moment, he really was bold enough to kill me. I instantly obeyed him for fear. The minute and I mean the minute I put my hands down, he slapped my face so hard that I literally felt my neck almost snap.

I was done. I couldn't cry any more. I couldn't scream. I couldn't plead or beg. I was done. He snatched me up roughly, dragging my nakedness along the wooden planks of the fence until I was standing, shivering in front of him like the scared cat I was. I was quivering with fear and he knew he had won this war...forget the battle. He grabbed my private and squeezed as hard as he could.

"Ahhhhh...Jammmmmmmmmeeeeeess...james...let...llet t...please..."

He loosened his grip but held on tightly.

"Who do you think you are? Have you lost your damn mind?"

"No, sir"

"You put your hands on me, bitch? You bad now?"

"No, sir."

"Then what are you then?" He snarled in my face and his blue eyes seemed dark as wet black paint. He was incensed.

He still had my balls in one hand and a tight grip on my hair with the other, all the while trying his best to either snap my neck or at the very least put it through that wooden fence. My eyes were widened with complete and total panic and terror. I could barely breathe as he tightened his grips. I was snorting and trying to pull myself back to life. He banged my broken body against fence.

"Answer me you fucking cunt!" He spat in my face. I was struggling but I had to end this before something really bad happened. I knew he wasn't playing. He would kill me and leave me. "WHAT ARE YOU?" He shouted in my face banging the back of my head against the fence again.

I was destitute and completely stripped. I felt as if I were a child whose family had been tragically taken from him and I was left in this world to fend for myself. I had nothing.

"Your bitch." My voice was low and submissive. I stumbled over the words that totally assassinated all remnants of Jasper Whitlock.

He pushed me again. "Say it again."

"I'm your bitch." I repeated while mucus and saliva poured from my face and nose.

"What kind of bitch?"

I stared at him trembling and my head shook. I had no choice but to surrender to this millionaire tyrant. "I'm your sweet piece...your little sensitive bitch."

He sneered and let go of me with a fierce thud. "And don't you forget it." He spit on me again.

"What are you good for, you stupid pussy?"

I cowered away from him, but answered his question out of fear. "For sucking your dick."

He put his hand to his ear and towered over me. "Excuse me? I can't hear you."

I cried in despair. I was in my hometown...my safe place...where help was one word away...and here I was like a purchased and sealed slave, crying in despair. I knew if I wanted to end this before Mama got back, I had to hand him the remnants of my manhood.

"I ain't good for nothing but sucking your dick." I kept my voice submissive because he looked like he was about ready to slap me again. I slid further in the corner.

He sneered again. "And what else?"

I trembled. "And for spreading my legs so you can nut in me." My voice was mousy...girl-like.

"When?"

I choked on saliva and tears, but hurried up before he had to ask me again. "Whenever you tell me to."

"Is that it?" He reached back like he was going to punch me. I ducked away.

"N-no, sir." I managed as I covered my head with my hands. He didn't hit me but reveled in the fact that I was truly completely under his control.

"What else then?" He was forcing me into submission by asking all of these questions.

"For licking your ass." My voice sounded like that of a two year boy. I was spent. I had no other reason to live.

He got in my face. "Don't ever fuck with me like that again." He pounded my naked backside with his opened hand and I cried hard. "You don't fucking touch me like that Jasper."

"No, sir. I won't do it again."

He paused and glared me down. All I could do was cry as humble as a wall fly. After a couple of minutes, he unbuttoned his pants and lowered his boxers. He snapped his fingers and pointed to the ground. I silently and obediently fell to my knees. Hot, hopeless tears covered my face as he rubbed his erection all over my face. He was correct. I was his bitch. I opened my mouth to take him in but he didn't put it there. Instead he smothered my face with his balls and forced me to sniff him. He then turned around.

"Open me." I hesitated. He spun around and slapped my head against the wall again. I knew not to make him tell me twice. He bent over again and this time I did exactly as he asked. "You know what to do."

As I went to work on him, I wondered where Mama was? She must have had to go to the store several blocks down to find what she needed.

"Put that tongue deeper." He grabbed me behind my head and pushed my face deeper into his ass.

I obeyed.

He pushed back nearly making me gag.

"Open it wider."

I did.

"Yeah...fuck...just like that."

He groaned louder. He spun around abruptly, startling me. My face was saturated with tears. I cowered from him again.

"You know how I silence that back talking, you little pathetic excuse for life?"

I shook my head, completely broken.

"Open your mouth."

I did.

He snatched my hair.

"Ow...James..."

"Wider." He ordered.

I did and he shoved his cock all the way down my throat. He didn't even give me time to warm up. I didn't even have time to gag. He pressed my face against his belly and I could barely breathe. All I could was cry as he fucked my throat until he exploded, all the while calling me every degrading and filthy name he could muster. When he finished he backed up off of me and adjusted himself in his clothes. Still half clothed, I was sitting on my hind legs, scared and subserviently waiting on his next command.

"Get up. And don't you dare wipe that off of your face."

I obeyed and bowed my head in shame and defeat. Some of his jizz was dripping on sides of my mouth.

"You are the most pathetic, lazy, bitch ass punk I've ever fucked. Since you obviously can't be the man I need and you want to act like a child, then I will start fucking with men who can please me...and you will watch and learn how to be the man that is deserving of me."

I stared at him wide-eyed. Would he really do that? After what just happened, I believed he would.

"Is that what you want, Jasper?"

I shook my head.

"Then I suggest you act like a man, otherwise I will bring other men into our bed and pay them to turn you out four or five ways until you become a man. I will sit back and watch them lap at you like dogs in heat."

My eyes got bigger.

_He wouldn't do that. He is too possessive...too controlling. There is no way he would go for that...or would he?_

"Get your ass over here." He commanded.

I obeyed. He made me put his belt back on. Once I had it fastened, he pulled me to his body and started grinding the buckle painfully against my naked cock.

"Tell me again what you are."

I swallowed and openly defeated I whispered to him...the man who was supposed to love me in sickness and in health...above all others... "I am your bitch."

He smirked triumphantly. "Good boy."

"I'm sorry."

_"That..._ you are, Jasper." He insulted me. "That is a _known_ fact."

I was silent.

"Fix your clothes and get those bags and then take your punk ass in there an clean up before that bitch returns. If you come out looking anywhere close to a mess, your mother will be the woman who turns me straight. Got it?"

I almost threw up when he even suggested raping my mother. What in the hell was wrong with this sadistic man? He obviously didn't know my Dad. He would bury him in fire if he knew he threaten to hurt Mama like that. God help me, even after what I had just suffered at his hands, that angered me. He could hurt me, but he had no right to even go there.

"James...no..." And that was my mistake. Even if he was bluffing, he knew now that he had put righteous fear in me. I couldn't be certain if he was crazy enough to do it, but I didn't want him to hurt my mother.

"Then act like you have good sense and do as I say."

"Okay." I said softly. I couldn't have objected to that comment if I wanted to. I was mentally destroyed. I fixed my clothes as I walked solemnly behind my master. When we reached the car, he pushed me forcefully against the open trunk.

"You are going to pay for that stunt you pulled earlier." There was venom in his voice. Me pushing him off of me in my own defense was a major mistake. I thought I had just paid for it, but he was still fuming. His voice seemed almost unrecognizable. Oh he was more than pissed. He was enraged.

"Get _one_ thing straight, Jasper. You belong to _me."_ He bent down and got all up in my tear and mucus covered face. I was crying like a kid as I looked at him. "You sorry piece of shit. When we leave this nightmare, we are _not_ going back to Forks. We are going somewhere so far, you will forget this place exists. I will have movers empty our house and you will never, and I mean never, even look at a picture of these people. Got that?" He was so angry that his face was fire red and his eyes bulged. He meant that. I knew he did. I had successfully paved the way for total alienation.

"No...noo... I'm s-sorry baby...I will make it up to you...I'll do anything you want me to. Please don't move me away from here."

"Shut the fuck up, Jasper." He grabbed my shirt to pull me up and growled in my face. "You _push_ me…and all this shit! I'm through with you."

I was still crying. There was no way I was going back to Forks with him. I couldn't. I had to call Kate or somebody. James was serious and I knew it.

"I told you to shut that shit down, Jasper." I was distraught. James had threatened me with the ultimate seclusion and I knew he meant to do what he'd promised. "Get the fucking bags, and bring your stupid ass in the house. Do…you…hear…me?"

I nodded, wiping my face with my sore palms. "Yes, sir, I hear you."

With that he straightened his clothes and when inside the house. I stood there at the trunk looking at the suitcases. I was hurting so badly that my heart felt like it was about to explode from the weight of my overwhelming emotions. I was twenty-three years old and I shouldn't be feeling this kind of stress. I had to do something. I knew this neighborhood like the back of my hand. I'd grown up here, and I could hide from James and he would never find me. I could run to the store and call Kate, or Dr. Cullen…surely they would come get me. I could try to call my Dad or Michael or even Uncle Reggie…anyone who would save me from eternal damnation.

I pulled the bags out of the car. I couldn't leave James here with my mother. He could possibly hurt her if I left her alone with him, especially if he was angry with me for leaving. No…I would not put her out like that.

_The gun! _

I thought about getting the gun out of the glove compartment, but I looked up to see James staring at me out of the window. He'd catch me before I could get down the street. I could do nothing but get the bags as I was ordered to, and go inside like a good boy.

The house was as warm as always. Nothing had changed. There were photos of us everywhere and knick-knacks of almost every kind. The hardwood flooring and area rugs gave the house warmth that made me almost break down in tears. There was a cozy fire in the fireplace. The house was cluttered in a good way with books, shoes, cds, glasses, games…whatever…just scattered everywhere. It was wonderful. There was no method, no order…just plain lived in. It was inviting and screamed its love from every way. From the soft, slightly worn couches to the throws that draped them, everything about this house reminded me of my childhood and the love that started right here and bred a family. There was also a very familiar scent that filled that house and I knew I was home.

James was in the bathroom when I went in and I went upstairs take the bags upstairs and clean up and pull myself together. My mother had pretty much left my old room the way I'd left it. There were pictures, trophies, awards…just about everything that reminded me that another part of me existed. There were several photos of Kevin and me, and I thought about taking them down so James wouldn't be offended, but I chose not to. Kevin was my best friend. I needed him now more than ever, even if only in a picture.

Twenty minutes had passed when I heard my mother saying that she was back. James was talking just a polite as ever to her in the kitchen. When she started asking for me, I hurried up and washed up and changed my clothes. I put some cooling gel around my eyes...let's face it...living with James I was always in a perpetual state of tearfulness so he kept plenty of that in the house to keep people from noticing any facial swelling or what not. I could only hide the welts and bruises underneath my clothing and prayed that she would overlook the few on my neck and sides of my face.

_Who am I fooling? Mama isn't stupid. She's going to take one look at me and know something's wrong._

"Jasper, I'm starting to think you don't want to see me." She yelled. I dried my face and prayed she wouldn't notice the swelling of my eyes from all the crying I'd done. I went downstairs and smiled at her. It was definitely true that a mother knows her child. Her smile instantly dissipated from her face when she took in my appearance.

James took a seat in one of the chocolate suede couches. He maneuvered the pillows and crossed his legs so he could get comfortable. He shot me a warning look but my mother didn't see him. I didn't give a damn about his comfort to tell you the truth. I noticed him looking around the room, taking in the sight of true love and family. I didn't know much about his family, but I did know that he grew up without a father, and his mother might as well have been gone. His childhood home was almost identical to ours back in Forks…drab and lifeless.

"Jasper are you okay, baby? You look like you've been crying. And why is your face so damn red?" She came over to stand in front of me, and God help me but I almost came unglued again when I saw the love for me in her eyes. I held it together, but my voice was a little choked up when I spoke to her. "What's wrong, baby? Are you ill?"

_How could I even begin to tell you what just happened outside Mama? If I did, how could I protect you? I can't even protect myself._

"Actually, Mom I was crying." I said softly.

James shifted on his seat. He was still fuming and tensed up as if he was preparing to pounce if needed. I had to pull this off. It hurt more than anything to pretend that nothing had just happened in the neighbors yard, but like the pretty little liar I'd learned to be, I covered up James' mess once again. This was too important to me and my family. I couldn't let my mother be hurt by this. I just couldn't. Seeing me hurting would destroy her for sure, but I just wasn't certain that James wouldn't try to harm her either...not after that vile threat he'd just made against her. My mother was a beautiful queen, and she didn't deserved to even be referred to as anything less, let alone be violated by a narcissistic maniac!

"Oh, why, sweetheart?" She hugged me. I made eye contact with James, and he didn't have to say what he was thinking. I pulled back and she looked at me with pure concern.

"Well, Mama, I'm just so happy to be home. It's been a long time, and just being here is just so emotionally overwhelming. It makes me cry because I've missed you all so much." I saw James roll his eyes at me, but yet he gave me his 'that's my good bitch' look.

_God please let her buy that. _

She didn't look convinced. A mother knows her child. "Jasper, is that all honey? I mean we've missed you too, and you know this house is not the same without you in it."

I nodded. "That's all Mama. I just got really emotional when I got here that's all. You know how my face gets when I cry a lot...or hard."

She smiled but her eyes told me that she knew I was not quite telling the whole truth. "I'm glad you're here baby, but please don't cry. If you start that, then I'm going to cry, and then we'll all be in for it."

I gave her a little smile. "The house looks exactly the same, except for that flat screen." I pointed to the fifty-five inch television. I had to change the subject before she pressed further. "That's nice. When did Dad get that, because I _know _you didn't?"

James crossed his arms and smirked as if mocking the television. Of course, we had a freaking theater in our mausoleum, so what was a mere fifty-five inch to him? He could fit that in his bathroom. I ignored his silent mockery at the "peasants."

She laughed at my comment. _"Actually,_ Michael and Felicia bought it for his birthday. He nearly flipped his switch."

"I'll bet he did." I knew my father had wanted that television for a while. I'd secretly snuck off to the pay phone and called him on his birthday, and I told him that I wanted to send him the money to get it, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said he didn't want anything James' money bought.

"Oh, he did. Michael wanted to buy him a bigger one, but I had to pump his brakes. This house isn't big enough for all of that foolishness."

James smirked again. Of course he wouldn't think it was foolishness. The bigger the better was his thing.

"I've told Michael about buying us expensive gifts, but you know his philosophy. It's just money." We laughed. "Rich people...ugh!" I bit back a smile and refused to look at James who I knew was offended by her suggestiveness.

I couldn't wait to see my dad. He and I were close, and ever since James came and took me away from them, he couldn't stand him. He saw James as a threat and was not intimidated by him in the least. He was forthright and didn't mind speaking what was on his mind. I only hoped that mother could rein him in if he got too out of hand. If things got too bad, we could just leave.

Rose was a lot like my dad and she didn't hold anything back. She had no filters whatsoever. She could not be tamed. If it was on her mind it was coming out. She was the one that I was really worried about because she loathed James. She didn't care one way or the other about what he thought. She had no qualms about his feelings or disrespecting him or whatever. She would have just preferred that he didn't come with me at all.

Rose was younger than me by five minutes, but bold as a snake. She knew James was more than just controlling. She'd always suspected that he was abusing me. I'd pleaded with her at one time not to say anything but she let hell's fury out on him the last time we saw them because he was being mean to me. That was the main reason we hadn't seen them in over two years. My mother had already promised to have a talk with Rosie and to try to keep her from causing a catastrophe. I wasn't holding my breath.

"Well, you know Uncle Michael has always been very generous. He loves Dad like he's a brother. I'm sure it was nothing for him. The man is a cash cow." James looked intrigued by the way we spoke of my uncle.

Uncle Michael was almost like my father because he and my father were so close. He was strikingly gorgeous, if I had to say so much myself, in a weird sort of my father's friend sort of way. He had a particular charm about him. He was the same age as James, but he had a James Dean sort of presence about him, and was more caring and loving than James Hale could ever be. He lit up the room with his smile. His dimples embedded into his face like the pins in a cushion. His brown dazzling eyes and brown hair glimmered in the sunshine. He was a family man, a loyal brother and friend, devoted husband, and dedicated and loving father. He was the man you wanted to hold you tight, to call your own if he was your husband, or to snuggle you in bed at night if he was your father. He'd done that to me more times than I could count growing up. He helped raised me and I loved him like he was blood. If he knew what James had just did to me in the yard, it wouldn't have taken him a second to whip his ass!

"That's true, but you'd never know it. They are just as down to earth as they come." We heard James sigh but chose to ignore him. "Jasper you have got to see those boys of theirs. They are extremely beautiful..."

I laughed out loud.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Because Uncle Michael would die if he knew you call his boys "beautiful." We both laughed again. James looked like he couldn't remotely understand why I would laugh at any "anti-gay" sentiments. He could kiss my ass.

"You are right...he would, but they are some handsome little fellows...and you would hardly recognize them now. Saye is seventeen, and bigger and taller than you. Levi is fifteen and gorgeous just like his father_...well_ they all are _actually._ Miles…well he's Miles…he's ten and a little devil…very energetic and athletic. He loves football. And please don't let me forget that adorable little Patrick…he's just too cute. He's five."

"I don't know how they keep up with four boys. I would lose my mind." I smiled. I knew my mother wanted grandchildren some day. She loved children. I only prayed that Rosie would have children, because there was no way in hell I was sharing a child with James.

She laughed. "Five...don't forget about Kevin."

_"Oh,_ I _definitely_ can't forget about my Ace..." I patted my heart. James cleared his throat. I swallowed my nervousness. He was already pissed off so I had to watch what I said in order to avoid another beat down. I instantly cooled it.

"But they love it." Mom continued. That little transaction didn't go unnoticed by her either. "They wouldn't trade those boys for the world. That's the advantage of having your children while you're _really _young." She winked at me. I wasn't even going there with her. "You can keep up with them."

I nodded.

"Miles and Patrick get off the bus and come here until their parents come home. They keep me company."

I was excited about her revelation. The more family I saw while I was here, the better. "Oh, will they be coming today?"

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. They have been talking nonstop about you since we told them you were coming. They are so excited to see you. They'll be here soon."

"Oh that's great. I can't wait to see them." I looked at James. He shook his head in total disgust. He hated other people's children.

A delicious whiff of something blew through the living room, and created a very pleasant distraction. I smiled. "Mama!"

I inhaled deeply and she smiled. "Yes baby?"

"Is that smell what I think it is?" I noticed James sniffing too. My mother was beaming. I jumped with delight and clasped my hands together. I reached out and grabbed her elbows. "Mama is that monkey bread I smell?"

She smiled and returned my excitement. "Yep…I made it just the way you like it. With extra nuts and brown sugar."

I gave her big kiss on her cheek. Although I had cleansed my mouth and face while I was upstairs, I wasn't about to kiss her on the lips after what that sorry excuse for a husband had just done to me. I heard him James exhale loudly. He hated when I ate sweet foods. He said it made me fat and he just couldn't have that. Not to mention it might make my teeth less than perfect. He'd invested a ton of money in my smile…he couldn't have me following him around with jacked-up teeth. He didn't let me eat candy. The only reason he only bought me those Jujubes was because he was feeling guilty for smacking me around. I ignored him and brushed past her to kitchen. After the emotional, psychological, and physical trauma he'd put me through today, I deserved my mama's monkey bread!

"Is it ready?" I asked taking pleasure in the fact that I was going to eat that special treat my mother had made for me and he couldn't stop me. It was going to taste even better knowing he didn't want me to eat it. Especially after the cruelty in the yard. It was my comfort food, and God only knows that even though I didn't feel like eating, I needed all the comfort I could get right then.

Mama followed me to the kitchen leaving James in the living room but he could still see and hear us. "Yes it's ready, but you'll spoil your dinner."

"Great!" I clapped my hands together, ignoring the part about dinner. "Don't worry, Mama. I'll eat dinner too." She giggled. I opened the fridge and started searching for milk. All I saw was a half of gallon so I took that and the entire pan of monkey bread and sat at the bar. It didn't take but a second for me to jump back up when the searing pain hit me as I sat down. Mom looked surprised so I pretended I was hopping up for a napkin. I was too sore, so I chose to stand and eat. James' black eyes were searing through me.

She left me and went to the living room to entertain James even though she didn't have to. He was still fuming, so he had very little to say to her. A few minutes later I came out of the kitchen carrying a piece of the monkey bread in my hands. I carefully and slowly sat on the couch across from James next to my mother.

"Why are you so stiff honey?" My mother was intuitive. I couldn't get anything past her keen eyes.

James looked like he wanted to bite her neck and mine too.

"I've been working out." I lied. "...and I am sore." I added for emphasis. She didn't buy it. She was about to comeback, but I deliberately started loudly licking the syrup and sugar from my fingers to distract her. I turned to look at her hoping my plan would work. James caught on to what I was trying to do and gave me another look that said, "you better keep lying if you know what's good for you." I just shook my head and inhaled to keep it together.

Mama started laughing.

"What?" I asked still licking slowly. I saw her looking at the scrapes on my hands. Her eyes told me she knew something was up.

"Was it that good, baby?" She smiled, and took one of my wrists so she could look at my hand. I tried to snatch it back, but she held it firmly. I looked at her with pleading eyes to drop whatever she was thinking about saying.

"Oh yeah. Mmmm…I hope you made more. I enjoyed every bit of it. Thank you Mama."

"I'm glad you liked it. I made that just for you." Her eyes were sad. My heart was breaking and I was hurting inside but I couldn't tell her. No one knew how badly it hurt to keep this abuse from my own mother. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and prayed to God that the tears did not fall.

"Mmm…thanks." I reached over like I was going to touch her face with my sticky fingers. I didn't want her to be sad. This was supposed to be a joyous weekend. James had already pretty demolished my joy, so I couldn't let the same happen to her or my family.

"Jasper Peter! Don't you dare touch me with those sticky little fingers. Go wash your hands." I reached for her face again, and she blocked me. "Jasper, I swear! I am not playing with you, boy!" I reached for her again. "Quit…you are still just as rotten as ever. Get out of here!"

I laughed when she swatted at me. She smiled…that was more like it. I couldn't stand to see my mother hurt. I stood up to go to the bathroom, but not before smearing her cheek. I laughed as I ran to bathroom, dodging a pillow she threw at me.

"You little stinker!" She wiped her face. "Ugh! Little nasty stink bug!"

Before I closed the bathroom door, I caught a glimpse of James' face. He was incensed. My heart instantly started pounding with fear of what he would do to me for eating that stuff. When I came back out of the bathroom, my mother was in the kitchen. When I registered the flames on his face, I immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry, baby." I said humbly and low so Mom couldn't hear me. He saw me trembling under his intense glare. I shook my head and my eyes glistened. I pointed towards the kitchen. "It's just that Mama made it for me..."

"Sit your ass down." He spat and without a second thought I obeyed. I hurriedly wiped the tears away and gave him a sad, defeated look.

"I said I was sorry, baby." I tried to apologize again. I was so pathetic.

"You know better."

I nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Jasper Peter Whitlock!" Mama yelled.

I feigned a smile as my mother darted out of the kitchen holding the pan the monkey bread was in and the empty milk jug. James' eyes were full of fury. He did not like my mother's slip of tongue…or was it really a slip? She'd called me by my maiden name. I had to find a way to fix that because if I didn't the yard scene would pale in comparison to whipping I would get.

"What, Mama?" I asked innocently, glancing sideways at James. She saw me and immediately apologized.

"Oh, James. Please forgive me." She said.

Now was my chance to save my skull. "Mama, don't be trying to change my name." I said playfully. She knew what was going on. "That's Jasper Hale." I flashed my eight thousand dollar wedding band. "Hale, Mama. Hale."

If she only knew the hell that James Hale was going to put me through for her little slip. She caught on and made no hesitation in making it right with my husband.

"My apologies." She looked at James who was not amused at all. "I'm just so use to having to scold him that way." She playfully slapped the back of my head.

"Ow!" She really had no clue how much that little innocent swat hurt. She hit me in a spot that James had tagged earlier with his hand and his belt. "What was that for?"

She waved the empty pan in my face. "You ate the _whole_ pan?" She laughed. "_Jasper_!"

If looks were daggers, I would be bleeding out by now. James was done. I tried not to look in his direction out of pure fear because now he was really going to punish me.

"What? You said they were mine."

My mother waved the pan and the empty milk jug in front of me. "There were twenty pieces in here…and this jug was almost full."

James had his legs crossed and was swinging one back and forth. I felt pulled between the other two people in the room. I pretended to lick my trembling fingers again and smiled to try to make my Mama happy. She just stood there shaking her head, laughing at me. I knew that she wasn't really upset. She wanted me to eat it all. That did her heart good.

"What am I going to do with you?" She stroked my tender cheeks again with that look of sadness and knowing in her eyes. "My monkey bread always disappears when you're in the house."

"Thanks Mama." She saw James' reaction and shook her head sadly. She went back into the kitchen and all I could do was bow my head.

"I'm sorry." I whispered almost to myself but my angry husband heard me.

"Oh don't worry." He warned. "You're going to be running so much, you won't have strength to feel like eating anything. Got it?" He asked.

"Yes, sir."

I kept my head bowed and voice low as I heard Mama running water in the kitchen. She came back into the room and I forced myself to put my happy face back on.

"So, Mom what's been going on around here? You said we have to catch up."

"Ah…" She walked out of the room and a few minutes later came back in with some gifts and a big cardboard box. She sat it all down in front of me.

"Mama, what is all of this?" I asked, looking in the bags and the box.

"Well when you stay away for two years, your mail piles up and people just start leaving gifts for you here at my house." She stated plainly. I looked at her with apologetic eyes.

"I'm getting mail here?" I knew James made sure on the regular to have my mailed forwarded to our address in Forks so I was confused.

"It's old mail, honey. There are cards in there from people at the church and friends and family for your graduation that you never got. There are Christmas and birthday cards in there from different folks. There are all kinds of stuff there."

My eyes instantly welled with tears. The people closest to me had thought enough of me to buy me gifts and send cards and letters, and my bastard husband had kept me away so long that I didn't even get to receive them or enjoy them. These were all people who had been in my life, who'd sacrificed for me, who cared and nurtured me as if I were theirs. They loved me. They were my support system and they were my life. James had taken all of this from me.

This was all too much...too much...I shook my head and tears fell from my face. "Oh, Jasper." She reached out to comfort me. "Please don't cry baby."

"I'm sorry. I'm just so overwhelmed that all these people sent all of this stuff." It was at that moment that I knew I was going to call Kate as soon as I could sneak away from James. This hurt more than the hits he'd given me today. I didn't even bother looking up at him. It didn't matter anymore.

She hugged me. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Jasper. I'm sure if you could have come, you would have." She released me and handed me a tissue from the box on the table. "Well they care about you, dear. We all do." It was as if James was not even sitting in the room. She had only been holding back because of me, but I knew she was over trying to walk on eggshells around him. I was _her _son dammit!

I looked at the box and the shopping bags. "God Mama it will take me all weekend to look through all of this stuff. Who sent all of this?"

"Well, like I said the entire church sent stuff for your graduation. You left before you could get it all, and I kept telling you to come home and get it. Next thing I knew, you were married and we never saw you." James got up and went into the bathroom. He was thoroughly ticked. Mama ignored him and kept talking.

"Then you've missed two Christmases and you know how they treat you and Kevin at Christmas. Then they sent stuff for your birthdays. You're probably going to be loaded with cash because they knew you weren't here so they I don't believe they would have written checks." She whispered the part about the money so James couldn't hear. I was excited about that and I hoped that James wouldn't take it from me. I wouldn't count it in front of him and I would have Mama deposit any money into my secret account or into hers in case I needed it when I left him.

"This is great…really sweet." I shook my head again and nearly broke down again. "I'm just speechless." All the times James had told me that no one cared about me. That they were all angry because I'd abandoned them. All the times he'd kept me from calling, writing, and prohibited any and all contact with my loved ones…all that wasted time. He'd stolen that from me. He'd made a point to remind me that we came together, so therefore we leave together because he knew being here would put things in proper perspective for me. He knew I was going to want to stay. I would be a fool not to.

"And don't worry baby, I've sent thank-you cards and letters and gifts in return to every single one of these people." She winked at me.

"You really did that for me, Mama?" She nodded. I hugged her just as James came out of the bathroom and sat back down. "Thank you."

"Don't even sweat it, dear." She walked towards the kitchen. "I'll be right back with something to drink for you."

"You're not taking any of that crap home. You hear me?"

"Yes, sir." I replied liked the little bitch I was.

"As a matter of fact, that's going in the trash tonight." I instantly choked up and my eyes overflowed with tears. He wasn't having that. "Do we need to step outside."

"No,sir." I got up and went to the bathroom to dry my face. By the time I came back out, I was in control.

Mama brought me my water and I thanked her for it. She looked at her watch. "It's two o'clock and your father should be coming home around four-thirty. Rose will be home later this evening. She has to go to work after class but she's super excited that you're here. She's planning some kind of get-together for tomorrow night. She's inviting some of her friends from UW, some of your cousins and friends from church, and everyone she can think of."

I looked at James who looked queasy. I was sure he hadn't anticipated big party. Neither had I. "Mama, that wasn't necessary. I'm just excited to be here with you guys. You guys didn't have to go all out like that."

She held up her hand. "Well, first of all, it was entirely Rose's idea. I wasn't about to get in the way of that. She is your twin, Jasper, and she hasn't seen you in a while. Quite naturally she would want to do something special for you."

"I know how determined Rosie can be, Mom, but really-"

"It's a done deal, sweetheart. She's in full swing on this one, and if you won't to try to stop her, go for it. Just let me know when you'll do it, so I can get out of here. I don't want to be anywhere around when you tell that girl she can't have that party for you."

I nodded in understanding. "You definitely got a point there. Maybe Dad can talk her out of it."

"No go."

"Why?"

"He's in on it."

I groaned. She waved me off. "He's been helping her since you called and told us you were coming. I know it was short notice, but they have been working hard to pull this off for you baby. Just go with it. Will it be that bad?"

_Yes it would be Mom._

I didn't want to bring James to a party so he could make me miserable all night with his jealousy. Most of the people who would be there have never met him, and I just didn't feel like putting up pretenses. I would be pretending to be in love with a closet monster all night. I just didn't have the energy for it.

"Well, think about it baby, okay. It won't be _that_ bad." She gave me another knowing look. James remained silent, sitting there with his legs crossed like he was the fucking president.

"Oh, okay, Mama."

She smiled. "Thank you, darling. I think I hear the school bus, so before the boys charge in here, I want to show you this photo yearbook of the church that we just put together. It covers basically all of the two years you were gone." She sat beside me on the couch and reached under the coffee table to retrieve the navy blue, leather bound book. James kept quiet.

"They wanted you to come to church Sunday, but I told them that you were only going to be here for a few days and maybe next time. I'm sure some of them will be at the party tomorrow night."

"That's great. I'm glad you threw a curve ball at the church invite." I was definitely not in the mood for church. Satan definitely would burn slap up if he went with us. Maybe that's what he needed. Maybe he'd find God or at the very least get some demons cast out of his ass. They didn't do that at Mama's church, but I'm sure they'd make an exception for him.

"Jasper, you know full well that everyone in that church loves you. You grew up there and you know they've never judge or had heartburn with you." Our church wasn't that large and it was true that they were like family.

"I know, Mama."

We started flipping through the yearbook and she rambled on and on about this person and that person, telling me all of the juicy gossips, the in and the outs, everything she could think of to get my mind off the hindrance sitting across from us. She wanted to make sure that she brought me up to speed on every little detail I'd missed. My mother loved me, and I was excited that she'd gone to great lengths to welcome me back into her loving arms. James was a bastard and would always be a fucked up son of bitch. He'd succeeded for over two years in taking all of this away, and now he was trying with all his might to ruin this time for me. The more I thought about that, the harder I laughed, the more I listened, and the closer I inched to my mother's warm body. I loved her too, more than she realized.

The doorbell rang. "Come on in boys." The door swung open and in walked the cutest little boys I'd ever seen. Michael and his African-American wife Felicia had produced some beautiful offspring. The oldest one, Miles, had straight brownish/black hair that was cut low. He was carrying a football and his back pack. The youngest one, Patrick, was so stinking cute. He had curly hair, the same color as his brother's and he looked exactly like Kevin. They were both well dressed, and seemed quite happy to be here.

"JASPER!" They both yelled when they saw me. They ran over to the couch and nearly trampled my mother in the process. I winced when they tackled me. I felt so embarrassed. These little kids had more freedom than I did. I hugged them both and Patrick wanted to sit on my lap.

"You came!" He said. Their excitement for me made me extra happy. James just silently looked on.

"Yes I did, and I'm glad you came by to see me. I can't believe how much you guys have grown. You guys look just _like_ your Daddy."

Miles popped the collar of his shirt. "Correction. Daddy wished he looked this good."

I laughed. "Oh, yeah. Right. What was I thinking?"

We talked and laughed about sheer randomness and I knew that there was no way I wanted to give up this love to go live with a tyrannical maniac. This was what it was all about—family!

"Auntie Lizzie is that monkey bread I smell?" Miles asked. James rolled his eyes, but my mother giggled. She knew everyone loved that little dessert when they came over here. "'Cause if it is, I got to have a piece."

"Me too." Patrick chimed in.

"Well…we had some…but Jasper ate it all." She lied, grinning at me. "I'm _so_ sorry, boys."

They looked at me, shaking their heads. "Jasper you're a pig. That's foul man. Just foul." Miles said. "'Couldn't hold back two pieces for the little guys."

I laughed. This kid was something else. Mama got up and told them to follow her to the kitchen. I heard them squeal with delight when she told them there was more. She made them promise not to tell their parents she gave it to them before dinner, and she helped them get situated at the table to eat it.

I continued to look through the yearbook and when I got to the college ministry section, I noticed there was a paragraph about community outreach. They were highlighting the college students who were helping in various ways in the community during the holiday season. One project they'd funded and supported was the "Give Back" project in which the young adults participated in a program that allowed people with little or no income to come by the church to receive certain types of free exams, like blood pressure monitoring, and to have some other procedures done.

They were able to get several local doctors, nurses, and trained medical staff and students from UW to come participate. I'm sure the UW students were given extra credit or something. I scanned the article, and then the photo. I nearly lost my breath when my eyes fell on the one and only, Edward Cullen. I was so surprised I dropped the book, startling my mother who had rejoined me on the couch. I even startled myself. James had taken a brief hiatus from the gooey stuff with the boys and went up stairs. Thank God, because I was able to ask Mama about Edward without alarming him.

"Mama, do you know this guy? He was at your church." I whispered in a low voice. She understood that I didn't want James to hear. She looked at the photo and nodded.

"Oh yeah. That's Edward Cullen. He's from Forks. His father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, a local doctor there at Forks General." Her voice was lower than mine had been. My mother could play along with anything. "He is a medical student at UW, and he does screenings for the church once a month as a part of our health initiative. He's a very nice and well mannered young man. You can tell he comes from a good family." She looked at me strange and I looked upstairs to see if James had snuck back down and was eavesdropping. He was nowhere in sight. I looked back at her and told her a story with my eyes. I put my finger to my lips to let her know that James couldn't know what I was about to tell her. She nodded. "Why do you ask, baby?" She whispered.

I glanced over my shoulder one more time to be sure James wasn't near. "I know him, too. I met him earlier this week for the first time, but James doesn't know. We ran into him at a restaurant one night and I told James I didn't know him even though I did. He would be pissed if he knew I lied to him, but I only met Edward once and it was no big deal."

She looked like she was thinking, but confused. "I know that Edward is gay, but are you telling me that you two sort of hit it off?"

"No. Nothing like that. I mean he is very attractive, but I'm married Mom…be it what it is." I looked upstairs. "Anyway, I am just surprised you know him. It's such a small world."

"Yes it is, and for you it's about to get smaller." She said.

"Why is that?" I asked, just as the boys came out of the kitchen.

"Well since he's been coming to the church, he and Rose have becoming very good friends. They know each from school as well."

"Wow. You're kidding me? Has he ever been here? Has he ever seen a picture of me?" Edward didn't act like he knew me, but on the other hand he didn't act like he didn't either.

"No…and I don't know what Rose had told him or if she's shown him a picture of you. You know Rose is extremely private. I can't see her telling him anything about you or sharing your picture. She may have told him that she has a brother, but I would guess that would be about it seeing as to how much she values her privacy."

We heard rumbling upstairs. "Maybe you can talk to Rose about it tonight."

"I will." We heard my bedroom door open.

James entered the living room as I felt my head swooning from my mother's revelation. Edward Cullen was one person away from me. What the…? How in the…? Wow this was getting very interesting. My mother took the book and held onto to it. I knew she would secure it in her bedroom just in case James got bored and decided to look at it. I would have to make sure I talked to Rose tonight about Edward. I had to be careful though. She was liable to cut James' penis off if I told him that he was jealous of Edward. I had to know the extent of their relationship, and more importantly if she was planning on inviting him to that party tomorrow night.

A/N: Well there you have it. I am sorry this was so intense. Jasper has had enough of James. In the real world, it may take a while for him to get to this point and in this story it has taken two years. James was wrong for the way he treated him all day and I decided to go ahead and let Jasper call Kate in the next chapter. She is going to give him some advice as to what to do while he's in Seattle. Of course, I so want to see some action from his family…hid dad, Michael, and especially his mother, but this is Jasper's fight. But we will see where the characters take this story. I want them to stomp James' ass. I wanted to show in this chapter that Jasper had to see that people do still care and love him. He needed to know he has a strong circle of support. A victim cannot leave without having some type of support. Everyone loves him…even down to his old church friends. His family and friends never stopped loving him. Even though he wasn't there, they still send gifts etc. James tried to deceive him into thinking no one cared, but Jasper is slowly making the decision to leave.

I want to note here that Jasper eating that dessert was a positive sign. When a victim can do something that he/she knows the victim disapproves of, especially in their presence that is a sign of healing or change. James should have been able to see this. Jasper is afraid of James so for him to do that means that he is starting to find himself and he is beginning to be able to stand up to James. That's why James made him be so submissive in the neighbors yard. He doesn't want James to find his inner strength. Though he is still weak and terrified, he's starting the journey toward rebelling against James. This is an excellent sign not only for us but for Jasper as well. Jasper knows he can't go back to Forks. Let's see what happens.

Now I will say that I have to give Jasper's mother her props. She held it together even though she knows something is up and she has her suspicions. Now, if that had been my child I don't know what I would have done. My mother would have cursed him out and tried to cut him…I'm just saying. Well that's enough of my soap box. I hope you enjoyed.

Well, well, well. Edward is closer to Jasper's inner circle than he knew. I wonder what would happen if he showed up at that party with James there?

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	8. Chapter 8 Update

updating soon


	9. Chapter 9  Stronger Than You Think

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyers. No infringement intended. The plot is mine. This story continues sexually explicit material and violence themes and overtones. If this is not your thing, please leave now, or if you are under than age of 18.**

**A/N: thanks for reading and reviewing**

"Jasper, can we play my 360 game?" Miles asked me, rummaging through his backpack. My 'little brother' was just so damn cute. I couldn't wait to see his other brothers as well as his parents Michael and Felicia. They were all an important extension of my family, and I could not leave this city without spending time with them. I remembered when we were growing up we used to spend every Friday night together. Our parents would play cards or whatever and we would hang out and play with each other. Those were the good old days.

"It's this one right here." Miles said walking towards me with the game. I looked at James who rolled his eyes. He thought video gaming was the biggest waste of time, even though he'd purchased me one recently. The boys were still here because their parents were both running late and their two older brothers were busy with work and after school activities.

It was after four-thirty now and my father had already called to let us know he was on his way home. Rosie had also called and said that she would be home earlier than previously expected. That seemed to make James a little nervous. He knew my father and sister didn't care for him, and being around them was going to make for a very uncomfortable night…especially if Uncle Reggie and everyone else started dropping by. I think he had prepared himself for a simple visit with just my family. He wasn't ready to deal with _everyone! _

I was still unnerved by the revelation that Rose knew Edward Cullen, a sexy blast from my present. I didn't know how I was going to approach that subject with her but I knew I had to find out more details about that party. There was no way I could be at a party with Edward. He wouldn't know to pretend he didn't know me, and if I told him why, he would surely think I was lame for letting another man beat my ass and for trying to cover it up. No. I had to get to Rose before disaster struck.

"Which game is it Miles?" I asked. Even though I was sure his parents screened every game they purchased for him, I wanted to make sure I wasn't giving him permission to play something he shouldn't have been playing. I might not visit that often, but I felt a sense of responsibility for my brothers. Miles handed the game to me. It was the 2011 version of Batman: Arkham City. Being that Miles was only ten, I wasn't so sure this was going to be a good idea since it was rated "teen."

I found it sweet and quite interesting that Miles would ask my permission to play his game, especially when he hadn't seen me for so long. Surely he would have asked my mother first. It warmed my bruised heart to know that he still thought of me as his family. I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat. James had taken away my confidence in the love these folks had for me, but it was up to me to take it back. I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised by his little request. When we were younger, our parents taught all of us to be respectful to adults and if an adult family member was present, ask their permission before doing something we were not sure about doing. I was sure his parents still taught them to do the same.

"Milesy, did your parents buy this for you?" I asked him as I turned the case over in my hand, examining its summary and warnings.

James watched us intently from his corner of the couch. He was quiet as a church mouse, but he seemed quite interested in this little boy's respect for me. I bit my bottom lip to keep from smirking at him. He wanted total and absolute reign over me, and he certainly didn't want anyone else, not even a little child, to show me respect. He wanted to keep me under his boot, where he could continue to crush every shred of self-respect and dignity I had. On the other hand, his cool glare made me somewhat nervous. I mean after all, he beat my ass on the regular, so who was I, the pathetic punk he'd made me to be, to try to tell this kid he couldn't see something? I was nothing, a mere nobody, and definitely shouldn't have the right to offer this kid anything.

"No." He admitted. "My friend Jason let me borrow it until Monday." He looked at me with the biggest, most innocent eyes ever. "So can I play it? I know how to put it in."

This was going to be tough but I couldn't let him play that game. If his parents gave him permission to play when they got home, that was their prerogative. I didn't feel comfortable letting him play it. Besides, I'd played that game. While it would have been acceptable for me or even his older brothers, the violence, blood, and suggestive themes was not appropriate for a child his age. There was even alcohol and tobacco references and mild language.

"Milesy, I'm sorry buddy, but I can't give you permission to play this." I stated softly but firmly. I made eye contact with my mother who'd just come out of the kitchen. She smiled and nodded in agreement. She knew how much I love to play and if I felt something was wrong with the game and he shouldn't play it, she would support me. "I'm sure you have other games you can play. If not, there are some games in the cabinet you can play." James shifted in his seat and I briefly glanced into his icy blue eyes. I swear it looked as if he wanted to tell Miles he could play that game just to spite me, but he didn't offer a word. I quickly focused on Miles again.

Miles stuck his lips out and pouted. "But why can't I play that one?" He whined. I walked over to the X-Box cabinet to look for more appropriate games. I took out a few and walked back to him. He already had tears in his eyes.

_Way to go Jazz. Break the kid's heart._

"Because that game is rated for teens, Miles. You're only ten. How about one of these?" I tried to show him the other games, but he refused to be bothered with them. I sighed and looked to my mother for some help. She simply smiled and sat back to let me handle it.

"Ten is not that little! I don't wanna play those!" He reached for the Batman game, but I held it from his reach. "It's not that bad. I played it before."

"Did your Mom and Dad know you played it?" I knew his parents very well. There was no way in hell they would have allowed me and Kevin to play a teen rated game when we were Miles' age, and I suspected there sense of right and wrong hadn't changed much. Like Miles, if we had played it, we snuck and played it behind their backs.

He shook his head. "No, but I was going to ask Daddy if I could play it again."

So he knew his parents wouldn't approve. I almost saw myself in this kid again. Adulthood had really changed me. I could recall doing _exactly_ the same thing. "Then you need to wait until he comes home and ask him then, okay." I remained firm, but tried to soften my voice as much as I could to lessen his disappointment.

He folded his bony arms over his chest. He was about to cry. "I don't want to wait until he comes home." He stuck his lips out again. "Please, Jasper. I'll just play one game, then turn it off."

I felt bad for doing this to him, but there weren't many things in my life that I got to do right. I felt good about what I was doing. Miles' family had always protected and taken excellent care of me. I didn't have much to give anyone, but I really wanted to do something positive for my little brothers, even if it was just refusing a video game.

"Milesy, I'm really sorry buddy, but we can play one of these other games. You can't play this one without your parents' permission."

Tears trickled down his boyish cheeks. "Please, Jasper. Daddy doesn't care if I play it." He started sniffling and I felt myself resolve weakening.

"Oh, come on Jasper! That game can't be that bad." James interjected. I knew it! I knew he was trying to find a way to undermine me and show me who was boss, even in this situation. "What could possibly be wrong with Batman?"

Miles and I spun our heels just in time to see him give Miles a wink. Miles, while looking a little unsure of James trying to insert his very unwanted, and unnecessary opinion, just sniffled and looked to me again. He looked at me for confirmation now that my husband had basically said there was nothing wrong with the game. Surely it was okay if James said it was! Not! I gave James a dirty look and he smirked, satisfied that he was trying to show me that I was still useless and if he really wanted to, he could take control of this situation and reduce me to ashes.

_You bastard!_

"James," I said, boring my eyes into his. "Miles is ten. I know his parents do not allow him to play teen rated video games. He can play another game." I was surprised by the confidence I found in my voice. I didn't know if it was because I was so over James, and was basically mentally preparing for my exit, but there was no way I was going to go along with what he was trying to do. He didn't even _care_ about Miles. He had no use for him. He just wanted to use him against me, but I wasn't going to stand for it. I loved Miles and this was not James' business. I would just have to take another beating.

He laughed. "Jasper you are so over-eccentric. Let the boy be. Miles play the game if you want. Jasper hasn't seen you for a while and I'm sure your parents will be fine with you playing. Jasper is just overreacting as always. He can be quite the drama queen when he wants to be. Jasper, give the kid back his game and just chill out." He gave me that this-is-mandatory look. "Besides, Miles is not _your_ child. You should worry about your own concerns and stay out of other people's business. That is his parents' call, not yours. You can't even handle your own business, and you certainly own no personal authority."

My eyes welled with tears that I fought back. The sad part about that statement was that it was true. He controlled everything I did. He knew it and so did I. For the second time today, he'd publicly embarrassed me and stripped me down to uselessness. He had no right to interfere with this. I held onto the game as Miles waited for me to comply with my commanding officer's viral request.

Before the words, "go straight to hell," could escape my lips and land me in the ER, my mother finally intervened. She stood and walked to stand directly in front of the three of us.

"Miles, what did _Jasper_ tell you honey?" She reached for the game and I handed it to her. I saw James cross and uncross his legs. I could see that tongue-in-cheek thing he does when he's thinking. He was hot with the fact that I even had a crumb of rebellion in me. He didn't like my mother defending me. Not only had I defied him, but I had other people protecting my actions. I was probably going to get hit with his back hand as soon as mother left the room, or maybe even dragged to the neighbors' yard again.

Miles sniffled and wiped his face with hand. "I want my game back." He reached for the game, but my mother moved it from him. "Give me back my game!"

My mother was well equipped to diffuse tantrums. Trust me I knew from experience. She held the game in her hand and placed her hands on her hips. "Miles you need to go have a seat. Now, Jasper says this game is not appropriate for you to play, so you're not going to play it. That's final."

I heard James sigh heavily. My mother had allowed me to keep the reins in this and my authority was final. IT was a shame that I was twenty-three years old and had no say in anything unless my mother was defending me. I glanced at him from my peripheral vision. He was chewing on his bottom lip and clenching his fists.

"But Daddy doesn't care if I play." He stomped his foot. I knew his parents didn't allow temper tantrums. At least they didn't when _we_ were little. My mother didn't play that either. She walked over to him and stood in front of him.

"Miles go sit down right now." She pointed towards the couch and he grudgingly obeyed, stomping his expensive Nikes. He flopped down on the couch and kept his arms over his chest. "Now I don't want to hear another word about this game. I'm going to put it away until your father gets here and that's his business if he wants to let you play."

He cried, balling up his lips. "Mr. James said it wasn't bad and I can play it! Jasper is just being mean!" That did it. My mother, as sweet as she was, had enough. She walked over to the couch and stood over him.

"I don't care what James told you. He doesn't live here and he damn sure doesn't pay bills here. If we told you that you can't play that game, you will not play it. James don't rule nothing at this address, and our word is final! Is that clear?" He glared at her and she pulled him from the couch. "I said is that clear, Miles?"

Poor kid. This was my fault. He looked so pitiful. "Yes, Ma'am." He said softly.

"You listen to me Miles Brenn and you listen carefully. I don't tolerate this behavior from my children or your brothers and I'm not going to put up with it from you. Now you will show respect and do as you are told, or you will spend the rest of the evening in the spare room until your parents come pick you up. I don't want to hear any more of this foolishness. Do you hear me?"

He nodded and she released him. He sat down and buried his face in his cherub hands. I turned and put the games back in the cabinet, making brief eye contact with my husband who looked like he was ready to leave. He was going to get me if it was the last thing he did. I exhaled and just shook my head. On one hand I felt like a responsible adult and on the other I felt like a loser…a mere kid myself. My mother went back to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. I walked over to Miles and sat on the couch beside him. Patrick was still asleep in my parents' bedroom.

"I'm sorry, Milesy, but I just don't want you to see something you shouldn't. Please don't be mad at me." I reached out to him but he pulled away from me. That broke my heart so badly. I removed my arm from him, but remained on the couch beside him. He was still crying and pouting with his arms tightly secured around his small torso.

"It's not fair!" He exclaimed. "Mr. James said I could and you won't let me."

_This little sweet, innocent boy is going to cause me to have to get my jaw replaced._

"I'm sorry you feel that way, buddy, but maybe when your father says it's okay we can play together. How does that sound?" I offered. I knew Uncle Michael wasn't going to allow him to play, but I had to try to ease his disappointment and my guilt.

"I don't want to play with you!" He spat. He slid to the far end of the couch. "It's not fair and it's your fault!"

I slid towards him but he jumped just in time for my mother to come back out of the kitchen. "Leave me alone Jasper! You're not my friend!"

Okay this kid was really starting to act like a little brat, but I remained calm. "I'm sorry, Milesy." I apologized again.

"Stop calling me that!" He squealed.

My mother shook her head. "You know what Jasper? You don't owe him an apology." She sat her glass on the table and reached out and took his elbow. "Miles, that's it. You're going upstairs."

"I don't care! I don't care what you make do!" He yelled in her face. I heard James snickering behind his hand. "I want my game!"

"Miles, that is enough of that!" My mother scolded him. "Now go upstairs right now."

"No." He stomped that little foot again. "I want my Daddy!"

"You're about to get more than your father if you don't stop this foolishness this instant." She warned. I couldn't believe I'd started a pint size feud. Aye!

"No! You don't tell me what to do!" He screamed. "You're not my mama!" My mother looked as if he's just slapped her. Now if that had been me, even as a grown man, I would have been scavenging for my teeth. She spun him around and gave him two swats to his backside. Now truthfully, those were teaser swats, nevertheless, I didn't like violence of any kind. I guess I got hit so much by James, that I couldn't bear the thought of anyone else getting hit. I lowered my face so my mother couldn't see my objection.

He cried louder. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" He was decompensating fast and I knew that if my mother didn't calm him soon he was going to start showing out for real. 'I'M TELLING MY DADDY!"

"Miles Brenn, that's enough." We were so wrapped up in the melodrama that we hadn't noticed my father's arrival and entrance into the house. He removed his hat and his coat and walked over to where we were standing. He, like Uncle Reggie, looked like a defensive linebacker.

_These guys must work out five times a day_!

He placed his hands on his hips and stood at my mother's side. James tensed up as soon as my Dad walked in. What? Dad made James nervous? Maybe it was his size that intimidated him. Maybe he was sizing my father up and was somewhat taken aback by the fact that my Dad could easily drop his hammers on him. In a not-so shocking maneuver, my father turned his back to him, and completely ignored him.

Miles immediately retracted when he heard my father's voice. He knew that Michael and Felicia had given my parents absolute authority over him and the other boys in their absence. Translation, they were more than friends across the street. They were surrogate parents and they had permission to do what they saw fit when it came to taking care of them while Michael and Felicia were not there. The Brenns and my parents had been friends longer than I could remember. They trusted each other to the fullest and had always shared the responsibility of parenting each other's children. At the moment my father was the only sheriff in town and Miles had better step in line really quickly.

"Miles, you know better than to carry on like this." My father hadn't changed a bit. I swear when he said that, I had a flash back…several of them. I had to check my butt to make sure it wasn't the one in the line of fire. Those words brought back some painful, not so distant memories.

Miles sniffled and turned on the water works again. "They…t-tt-took my game."

"I don't care what they took. You know you don't scream and yell at adults like that. You are not grown." He cried harder. "Dry that up before you get in some real trouble." He immediately wiped his face. My father wasn't playing games with him, so Miles decided not to take him for granted.

"Go in the bathroom and wash your face. When you come out you better be a different boy. Understand?"

"Y-yes, s-sir." Yep. My Pops still had it. Hell! He made me nervous.

"Well get to it." Miles shuffled to the bathroom, flopping his arms in protest. I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Once he was inside the bathroom, we all chuckled softly among ourselves.

"Hey, son." He reached for me and pulled me in for a tight hug. It felt good to be in this familiar place…in the safe arms of someone who would always love and protect me. I hugged him tightly for a moment then pulled back.

"Hey, Dad. It's good to see you." I said.

"Ditto. How are you?"

"I'm doing great. What about you?"

"I can't complain now that you're here." Surprisingly I didn't hear a peep from James, not even a sigh. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was sitting very defensively with his arms and legs cross, rolling that tongue in his cheek again.

"What was all of that about?" He asked, referring to our little warrior in the bathroom. "He was quite upset."

"He's upset because I told him he couldn't play some video game he wanted to play." I confessed. "Now I'm on the blacklist. Totally eight balled."

My Dad chuckled. "Yeah. I've been on that list several times. He'll get over it. Michael will jerk a knot in him if he knew he showed out like that."

"Guys don't tell on him." I pleaded his case because I knew they were telling the truth. They just laughed and my Dad kissed my mother, and kept his back to James. Admittedly that was rude, but what did I care at the moment. James had allowed Eric to dis me earlier, and then beat me because I said something. Then after all that, he tried to punk me in front of Miles. I certainly wasn't going to say anything to my father for disrespecting him.

I had to admit that my father not asking me why I chose not to allow Miles to play the game was a little bit empowering. It sounded pathetic, but I didn't have much going for me these days. My Dad was showing me that he trusted my judgment just as Michael would have. In essence, he was treating me like the man I aspired to be. He knew that I wouldn't have denied Miles without responsible cause. This made me feel good about myself. This was a cheap way to gain some measure of self-respect, but I really appreciated my father for doing this. I was sure Diablo noticed it too and would probably smack the dignity right out of me as soon as we were behind closed doors.

"I'm going to finish what I was doing in the kitchen and leave you three to it." My father shot her a harsh look. He caught that innuendo. She was reminding him to be respectful to the ominous presence behind us.

He completely ignored her. "So, Jasper." He clasped his hands together. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I'm going to change my clothes and then we can grab a beer and head outside." He winked at me and smiled. "Leave the women in the house."

Okay now he _really_ was being disrespectful. There was only one woman in this house at the moment, and that was Mama. He was taking a pot shot at James. He was definitely going to cause me to get a foot up my ass again. Before I could say anything, Miles came out of the bathroom and wobbled to the couch.

"Come here, Miles." My father motioned for him to come over to where we were standing. Miles obeyed. As my father had instructed, he came out of the bathroom with a clean, dry face and in a somewhat calmer mood.

Miles stopped in front of us. "Sir?" He asked softly. That one little word confirmed my earlier thoughts. Michael and Felicia hadn't changed _their_ sense of right and wrong. We had been taught to say sir or ma'am as a sign of respect to adults. This might not work for everyone, but according to our parents, it worked for _them_…_their_ children.. in _their_ households, and that was the order of things. No _ifs_, _ands_, or _buts_ about it.

"Miles, I'm very disappointed by what I just saw." Miles dropped his head, and shed a few more tears. "I don't ever want to see you behave like that again. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Sir." His voice was mousy.

"Now you will apologize to Liz and Jasper, and if I hear you do that again, your behind is mine."

Miles sniffled. "Yes, Sir."

I knew exactly how Miles felt. My behind belonged to James...with or without a belt.

My father nodded and turned to me. "I'll be right back."

I smiled at him. "Okay, Dad."

When my father left the room, Miles turned to me and burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Jasper."

Holding on to the pieces of my heart that fell with those precious little tears, I sank to my knees before him and took his hands into mine. "It's okay, bud. Don't cry, okay?"

He nodded and I pulled him into a hug. "I promise that if your Dad says it's okay, I'll play with you for as long as you like." I pulled back so I could look at him. I reached up and wiped his tears with my fingers. "Deal?"

He nodded, and I swear I had to resist with everything in me from kissing those chubby little wet cheeks.

"I have to go say I'm sorry to Auntie Lizzie." He stated softly.

I smiled at him and stood. "Yeah, I understand. That's the right thing to do. She's probably waiting for you to come talk to her."

He nodded again. "Okay." He turned and grudgingly walked into the kitchen.

I was not at all excited about being left alone with James. He wasted no time jumping from the couch to get in my face. Still cautious that he was in my parents' house, he pulled me upstairs to our room. Once inside he pushed me into the walk in closet that was farthest from hearing range of anyone else in the house. He closed the door behind us. What was he going to do to me in my parents' house? Admittedly James was crazy, but surely he wasn't stupid.

He grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. He threw me on the wooden floor of the closet, and pressed his knee in my back and my face to the floor. I fought to keep from screaming from the pain of what he was doing to me. If my parents' heard and knew what this coward was doing to me, they would bring down the house.

James didn't hit me but turned me onto my back. My head hit the floor with a thump. His blues eyes looked black, and evil. He was full of rage.

"You are nothing, Jasper. Nothing. You are a fucking loser. Oh you might have gotten here and think you're hot shit, but you will go back to Forks with nothing and you will never see these hoodlums again." He slammed my head on the wood again.

"James stop it! You're hurting me." Tears stained my face again.

"Do you want me to whip your ass again?"

"No, sir."

He slapped me and I was sure the others heard it. "You think you're a big shot?"

"No James."

"We're leaving tonight. I am done with this shit!"

"James...no...please...I'll be good...I'm sorry... Please d-"

"Hi everybody!" I heard my sister Rose's greeting as she pounced through the front door. James retracted when he heard her voice.

_Thank you God for Rosie!_

"Hi, baby." My father greeted her as he came out of his room. "How are you?"

"I'm great! Where's Jazzy?" She asked almost squealing in delight. "I saw his car out there."

James let go of me, and walked out of the closet. I follow him and we stood there glaring at each other.

"I'm assuming he went upstairs to the bathroom or something. He'll be out in a minute." He said. "How was your day?"

"Great. HURRY UP IN THERE JAZZY! DID YOU FALL IN AGAIN?" She yelled to me.

"Yeah. I think I found some of your brain in here!" I yelled back, still glaring at the monster in front of me. No matter how much it hurt, I had to keep the atmosphere jovial. Rose would be up in arms if she knew James had just smashed my head on the floor.

James walked over to me. :Don't forget that little package I have in my glove compartment. It's got a bullet in it with your name on. I'm done playing with you."

He raised his fist to me but dropped it again when Rosie, Miles, and Patrick all screamed my name as loudly as they could. I was sure she put them up to that. My parents were laughing. I straightened my hair and left the room with him trailing behind me.

_Coward!_

"JAZZIEEE!" She ran over to me when I reached the bottom of the stairs, and I spun her around in a tight hug. "I'm glad you're here." Indeed she was, but I was the only one she was glad to see. Like my father, she completely ignored James.

"Hey, little sissy! You look great." Rosie was definitely gorgeous in a pretty-kind-of-sister way. With those flowing blonde locks and her small frame, she was a knockout. When we were in high school, all of the guys wanted her. I was sure nothing had changed. She was even more beautiful now.

She looked down at me. "Well, I wish I could say the same about you." She gave me the once-over. She wasted no time giving me one of her Rosie-has-to-dead-honest-or-die critiques. "You are too skinny and you look like hell. And why in the hell are your eyes puffy and your face all puffy? You can't fool me Jazzy. I know you, remember. I'm your twin. You've been crying. And look at your hair. It's a mess! What the hell is going down there in Forks?" She looked back towards James knowingly and game him a nasty look, which he gladly returned. He couldn't stand her and believe me the feeling was mutual. "Or better yet, what's going on here?"

I decided to play down her assessment. "Aw come on Rosie! It's not that bad. I've been traveling all day and lounging around. Some of us don't have to look like a goddess all of the time."

She smirked, and put her hands on her tiny waist. "Humph! Say whatever you want Jazzy. You could only wish you looked this good."

I laughed along with my father who was now playing cards with Miles and Patrick. It hurt to laugh, and the back of my head was throbbing. My father gave James a strange look as if he suspected something had just gone down in our room. He and Rose had always been so intuitive.

I swiftly tried to sway their focus. "Oh, yeah, right Rosie. I really want to look like a seven foot blonde Amazon…yeah my life ambition." She swatted at me but I ducked away.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" She rolled her eyes and I laughed. "Anyway…I'm glad _you're _home. Next time don't stay gone so long. I _will_ come to Forks and get you if I have to." Another innuendo sent flying across the room at James who remain silent.

"You wanna bet." James murmured. She was caught up and didn't hear him, but I did. I just shook my head.

"_So_ Jazzy, did Mama tell you that we are planning a get together for tomorrow?" She asked her eyes dancing. My father looked in our direction and saw the stick-stuck-in-my-ass look I had on my face.

"Oh, Jasper lighten up." He said. "It's just a small gathering. A few friends and family…all of whom are very excited to see you again. You'll be fine."

"Yeah, Jazzy, don't start all of that whining and complaining. We're having that party and you're going to be there whether you want to or not. Besides a lot of our old friends are going to be there. You'll love it." She took my hand and led me to the sofa table to show me her planner for the party. "See, this is what I have in my mind."

For the next ten minutes she went on and on about her plans for my welcome home party. James was still obsolete and before long my mother was beckoning us for dinner. As everyone filed into the separate dining room, including James, I caught Rosie by her arm and prevented her from going with the rest. It was a good thing our dining room was out of earshot. I wouldn't have been able to talk to Rosie about Edward otherwise.

"Rosie, who all are you inviting to the party?"

"Just a few friends and family from around…no big deal." She shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

"Rosie, I need for you to keep your voice down a little bit okay." I lowered my own voice a few octaves. "Please?" I begged.

She rolled her eyes again, but honored my request. "Oh Jazzy, you really shouldn't be afraid of that little bitch. I swear I can't stand him…sitting there trying to act like the queen he wants to be. I want to break my heel off in his ass, and I probably would if it wouldn't be uncomfortable in there for you later."

God help me, but I couldn't resist laughing. Rosie just didn't care. She and I were equal and opposite. She was the voice I never had. She was fearless and she had always protected me. She was always the one who came to my defense…her and Kevin, when we were growing up. She was everything to me, and if I couldn't count on anyone else, I knew she would always be in my corner.

"Come on Rosie, go light okay? For me?" I pleaded again. I didn't want to get her riled up and risk her going off on James either. That would mean James would say something to her and that would start a war between him and my entire family.

"I will not!" She whispered through clenched teeth.

"Rose, please. For me?" I pleaded for the third time.

She folded her arms across her chest, and sighed. She resigned to my request, but not before giving me her usual warning. "Alright, Jasper, I will." She called me by my full name so I knew she meant business. "But, let me get this straight with you right now. If that douche bag so much as look at you the wrong way and I see him, I'm going off."

I nodded, but remained quiet. I knew she meant that and I'd known her long enough to know that there was no use in trying to convince her not to do exactly what she had a mind to do. I left it alone.

"So about this guest list…" I prompted.

"Rose! Jasper! The food is getting cold!" My father called from the dining room.

"Be right there!" We called back.

"The guest list?" I prompted again.

"Alright, alright. Don't get your Armani's in wad!" She smiled at me. "If you're wearing any." She winked devilishly.

"Rosie, that's just nasty."

"Oh, like you and Mr. McNasty don't go commando all the time." She winked again. "Easy access."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. I smiled sheepishly at her. "For the record, you are my sister and that's just nasty for you to talk about my unmentionables, and it is none of your business, nosy!" She smiled. "Now, the guest-"

"Ugh! Okay!" She hurriedly listed off about two or three dozen people, but I was only interested in one.

"What about Edward Cullen? Mom told me he would be there."

She looked at me with a gleam in her eyes. "You know Edward?"

"Shh! Rosie keep it down!" I put my hand over her mouth, and glanced in the direction of the dining room.

"I'm not going to call you guys again!" My father yelled again. "We're going to eat without you!"

"Coming Daddy!" Rosie yelled. "You know Edward?" She asked again, her voice significantly lower this time. She scrunched her nose in her devious little I-want-to-be-nosy way.

"Well, yes and no. I only met him once, this past week."

She clasped her hands and jumped in excitement. "Oooh… that is great!"

I shook my head and looked back at the dining room. "No…it's not."

"What do you mean? He's a fantastic guy and he's a good buddy of mine. He's in some of my classes and we hang out at school. He comes to do screenings at the church once a month. He's smart and very hawt! You two would make a great sauce and cherry combo!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the girl. "Rosie, stop that! I'm married!"

She shrugged that off like my marriage was just a sloppy inconvenience for me and for her. "And?"

I rolled my eyes. "_And_ that means, I'm not up for saucing and cherrying with no one…especially Edward Cullen!" After what just happened in the closet upstairs, I wasn't so sure if I believed my own statement.

She tapped her foot and shot James the finger he couldn't see. "Screw James! He's a lost cause. What you need is to _tap_ in to that Cullen _arse_!"

"Rosie!"

She laughed. "Oh yeah, you're right! I forgot…you don't tap, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind popping that little cherry of yo-"

"Rosie!" I couldn't help smiling at her antics.

"What?" She asked as if I was clueless about this great ideology of hers.

"Stop that!"

She laughed. "Ra da tat tat!" She winked at me. "Yep, I _gots_ ta get to work on that. You guys are going to be KA-POW!"

I shook my head in disbelief. "Rosie, no we're not and get that idea out of your head. You can't do that, nor go around playing match maker when my match has already been struck, and my cherry has been popped."

"Oh Jazzy please! That limp noodle in there put that flame out a long time ago, and it doesn't matter if you cherry is saucy now. I'm sure Edward will like it either way. What you need is a bite of that…"

"Oh boy." I slapped my forehead. "Rosie, is he going to be there or not? I told James that I didn't know him and if he sees him there, it's going to be on. Rosie you can't invite him to that party."

She stared at me blankly. "It's my party, I do what I want to. To hell with Lucifer! In that case I'm glad I invited Edward. I _so _want it to be on!"

"Rosie, please. James will be extremely pissed with me if he finds out I lied to him and told him that I didn't know Edward. Edward will see me at that party and blow my cover."

"I don't give a shit what Dracula thinks. He can go choke on one of his nuts for all I care. Besides, I've already invited Edward and he cut his trip short with his parents so he could come hang out with me."

"You didn't tell him about me did you?"

"No, I didn't. He knows I have a brother and that the party is for him, but he doesn't know you're my brother…his next piece." She winked at me again.

"Aw, Rosie, this is not going to be good for me. Can't you tell him not to come?"

When she saw the genuine, desperate look in my eyes, her heart melted. "Oh, alright. I will tell him to act like he doesn't know you."

What! "No Rosie you can't do that!"

"Why?"

"Rosie, he will think I'm lame."

"No he won't. I'll just tell him you have a jealous husband."

"Oh great, that makes it better!"

"Jazzy, why would James be upset with you knowing Edward anyway?"

"I can't talk about that right now, Rosie. Just please don't invite him to that party, please."

She sighed. "I'll try to call him Jazzy and make up something, but if I can't get him he's going to be there. He called me from somewhere this morning to RSVP and told me his cell phone fell in the pool at his parents' house, and he doesn't have a landline. I may not be able to reach him."

I groaned. "Aw man."

"Jasper, don't worry about it. Nothing is going to happen at that party that the family can't take care of. Trust me. Now let's go eat."

_What about after the party?_

She bounced off to the dining room leaving me standing there. She had no idea what this meant. I rubbed the back of my sore head. This was not going to end well.

I followed her into the dining area and took my seat next to James who was pushing food around on his plate. He gave me one of his infamous nasty, threatening looks. I was sure he thought I'd just dished the goods to Rosie about what he'd done to me. He should have known better. Rosie would have lit his candle by now if I had.

"You guys couldn't wait for us?" She asked.

"We were starving." Patrick said.

"Yeah, Rosie. We don't have all night to eat." Miles quipped. He seemed to have forgotten all about that video game.

"And why are you two munchkins still here, anyway?" She asked, piling food onto her plate. For a small woman, Rosie could pack away the harvest.

"Because." Patrick started, swallowing his food before he proceeded. "My Daddy and Mommy are getting home late and we have to stay here."

"Is that right?" She teased.

He shook his little head. "Hmm…hmm." He smiled, chewing his food. "I guess you're stuck with us for a minute."

We laughed. Truthfully my stomach was queasy from the knowledge that Edward Cullen, my denied fantasy, was possibly going to step out onto the pages of my reality tomorrow. I saw disaster in the wings. I started eating my dinner and made sure to over compliment my mother. It was truly delicious.

"Mama, I have missed this. Mmm." She'd cooked my favorite, smothered pork chops. "This is so good."

She giggled. "I'm glad you like it baby." She winked at me. James remained silent. Even if he thought it was good, he wasn't going to say it. He was still fuming at me.

We ate and laughed and enjoyed each other just like old times. It was so good to be here with all of them. It felt like I'd never left. Regardless of James' obvious discomfort and his refusal to join our jovial conversations, I was enjoying myself. My father was sitting at my left and James at my right, and I totally blocked out any unwanted pleasantries. I was home and that's all that matter…even if my head was throbbing from the recent impact with the wooden floor in my bedroom closet.

"Mickey is going to be ecstatic when he gets here." My father stated.

"You and Uncle Michael and those nicknames. Is he as buff as you are Dad?" I smiled. "I swear you guys are on steroids or something." James shifted uncomfortably.

My father laughed. "No steroids, but definitely protein. Mickey is more cut and bigger than I am because he works out harder. The guy is a health freak!" He winked at me. "He's going to have a field day with you tonight. Consider yourself warned. You might be going home with a new diet and exercise plan."

James sighed and I read his mind. He would throw it out the window before we got down the road good. There was no way in hell he would allow me to exercise like that or eat or drink anything that would make me stronger than he was. It didn't matter anyway. I wasn't planning on going back to Forks with him. Not after his threats. I'd already made up in my mind to borrow someone's phone and call Kate some time before Sunday morning since I was sure he would want to leave bright and early. I couldn't risk going back to Forks and being trapped by him forever.

"Yeah, Daddy has been talking about beating you and Kevin down in some spades tonight." Miles interjected.

Everyone groaned. "MILES!" They yelled at him.

"Ooops!" He said bashfully, painfully aware that he'd just let the cat out of the bag.

"Miles that was a surprise!" My mother said.

He winced. "Um…sorry."

I was beaming from ear to ear. "Kevin is coming home?" I was so excited I nearly started crying again…this time from joy. "So that's why they are running late. They are waiting on Kevin at the airport." I laughed and bounced on my chair. "Seriously? Don't play with me guys."

I looked around the table and the looks on their faces told me that Kevin was indeed coming home this weekend. I squirmed with childish delight in my seat.

"Freaking awesome!" I laughed again. "So awesome!" James had his eyes glued to his plate. He knew very little of Kevin, but he knew he and I were good friends. I could feel his jealousy seeping from his pores. I could have cared less at the moment.

My father playfully slapped Miles on the back of his head. "Way to go knucklehead!"

"I'm sorry Uncle JP. It slipped."

I laughed. "This is the best news I've had in forever! Thanks Milesy! If you'd told me this earlier, I might have bent and let you played that game." I teased.

He groaned. "That's all it would have taken! Aw man!"

"Miles!" The scolded again.

I laughed. I heard James almost growling to himself at the revelation that yet another person would compete for my affection or worse…possibly persuade me to ditch his ass. He was dreading his decision to bring me here. I took another bite of my pork chops and with a mouth full of food, I said, "This is just great. Well worth the trip!"

They all looked at me like I spit fire on them. "Well gee, thanks. We're glad to see you too and that you came home just to see us." Rosie frowned. "We love you too!"

I laughed and shook my head. "Come on guys. I have nothing but love for you, but when Kevin comes around…well…um…"

"Shut up Jasper." My father winked at me. "We already know." James was fuming silently next to me.

I smiled at him and he returned it. "Thanks, guys."

They all smiled at me. They knew how much seeing Kevin would mean to me. James on the other made it clear that he was very unnerved by that. I suddenly had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach but tried to keep it from traveling to my face. I didn't want my family to know just how terrified I was of Kevin coming and then possibly having Edward at that party. That would be a double whammy and while I sincerely planned to escape getting in that car with James this weekend, I wasn't sure if I could escape his secret wrath in the meanwhile.

When James got up and excused himself from the table, I knew right then I was in trouble. I looked around at my folks and they all had the devil could kiss their asses look on their faces. They just didn't even understand. Hell I didn't understand it either. I sighed heavily but pushed James to the back of my mind and lost myself in comforting laughter and reminiscing about old times. Whatever was destined to happen would happen. In the meanwhile, I had to enjoy every second with the most precious people in my life…my family.

A/N: Well what can I say here? Jasper is trying to find himself and I commend him for trying to be a responsible man. I wanted to show in this chapter that sometimes victims find pleasure and self-respect in the small of actions. Jasper loves his family and they love him. I like how his parents allowed him to find his place as a man and when it was necessary help him take control back from James.

James is an ass. Oh he will definitely be getting his. Don't even worry about that. I'm glad Lizzie slapped him off of his horse. Sometimes abusers do exactly what James did. They abuse and threaten behind closed doors but are too cowardly to do it in front of others. Some are just the opposite. What do you think? Is James capable of abusing Jasper publicly?

What is going to be interesting is what is going to happen at that party with Edward and Kevin on the horizon. Remember Kevin and Jasper have been friends since birth, and his father and Michael went to jail for him one time before. I would love your ideas…maybe I will put them in the story and give you credit for them. Okay I will go ahead and spoil this for you…Jasper is not going back to Forks. LOL…I know I know, I can't tell you much more than that because otherwise I will spoil the story for you. The big question is what happens with James. I have it all mapped out, but I would love to hear your opinions.

What about Rosie…WOW!

Hang on…the next chapter is going to be a doozie… I hope you enjoyed this.


	10. Chapter 10  Father Knows Best

**Characters belong to SM. Plot is mine. No infringement is intended.**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing**

"Everything alright, Son?" My father handed me a beer he'd taken out of the fridge. We were on the back deck relaxing after eating that huge dinner my mother had spent all evening preparing. I was stuffed to the hilt, and had given Mom a promise to polish off a bowl of her peach pie and vanilla ice cream later on. James was still upstairs sulking, probably trying to keep from doing something incredibly stupid. I was so over his sorry ass. I didn't give a rat's tight ass what he did. Rosie and the boys were helping Mom with the dishes and finishing their dessert.

"What do you mean, Dad?" I asked, sitting in a chair next to him and taking a sip of my Corona. Dad sipped his as well, keeping his eyes on me. He held the beer in his mouth for a moment, and then swallowed it.

"Jasper, you're my son. Never underestimate me, kiddo." He said as-a-matter-of-factly.

I tried to play dumb. "Dad, what are you talking about?"

He took another long swig of his beer.

"Jasper, my prince, I've known you since the day you were born. I knew you before you knew yourself. You can't hide anything from me."

I shifted nervously in my seat and focused my eyes on the wooden beams of the porch. I drank more of the beer. We were silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"Jasper, please look at me, son." He said, stroking the back of my hand. I couldn't do it. I was just too embarrassed and afraid to let him know what was going on. James was upstairs and with Uncle Michael on his way, he and Dad would beat James to a pulp if I let the cat out of the bag now. I shook my legs and bit down on my lip to try to prevent my tears from spilling over. It was pointless. They fell anyway and I caved a little. My breath hitched in my throat and I shook my leg faster to try to calm myself.

My father sat his beer down, and pushed his chair as far in front of mine as he could. We were sitting so close I could feel his breath on my face. He cupped my face between his hands, and stroked my tears away with his thumbs just as he'd done so many times when I was a child. I turned my face inward into the palms of his hands and cried for what seemed like an eternity, although it was only for a few minutes.

"Jasper, talk to me. Let me help you." He pleaded. I didn't have to look into his eyes to know that he was consumed by my pain. I heard hurt in his voice. "What's wrong, son?"

I took a few seconds to calm myself, still sniffling and trying to gain control before James happened to wander back downstairs. While I was done caring about him, I did _not _want a big scene tonight.

"Dad, nothing is wrong, okay." I lied, wiping my face.

"Jasper, please don't keep lying to me." He pleaded softly. "I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth."

I stared at him but his face was almost unrecognizable through the tears in my eyes. I felt saliva pooling at the sides of my mouth as I tried to say something to him.

"Dad…I…" I shook my head.

"What is he doing do you, son? You can tell me." He ran his hands up and down my arms to comfort me. "Is he hurting you?"

I felt my eyes bulge when he said that. "Dad-" I hesitated. "James-"

"I swear by God, if that son of a bitch is putting his fucking hands on you Jasper, I will put his bitch ass on the ground."

_Just as I'd expected_.

I did the only thing that I could think was right to do. I lied to protect my father. There was no way I could live with myself if he went to jail tonight for hurting James, the man who was supposed to be my loving husband.

"Dad, it's nothing like that." He wasn't buying a word of my lies.

"Jasper-"

"Dad, James and I are just having some problems, but nothing we can't work out."

He looked at me like I had fangs. "Jazz, I don't buy that for a second. "

I shook my head in pretend denial. "It's true Dad."

He balled up his fists and took turns punching each palm of his hands. He was becoming more and more furious by the passing minute.

"Dad, James and I had an argument earlier today about us coming here." I lied. "He didn't want to come and he was angry that everyone was threatening to come to Forks. He felt like he was being forced to come here."

He still didn't look convinced.

"Dad we just had a bad fight about that, and ever since then he's been very upset with me."

He shook his head. "Jasper you must think I'm crazy."

"Dad! We'll work it out. It's no big deal." I squeezed his hands in mine. "Please, Dad. Just let it go. I'm home. Everyone will be here soon and I want to enjoy them. I don't want another argument with James."

He shook his head again. "Un-fucking-believable!" He gave me the most serious look he could muster, the one he used to give me to let me know he meant business about something. "Jasper?"

"I promise, Dad, it will go away. It's no problem."

_I wish._

"Then _why_ are you crying, prince?" His eyes were glazed with sadness. "I don't believe you son. I think that bastard is hurting you and you are afraid to tell me. What has he done? Did he threaten you? Did he hit you and scare you into silence?"

I shook my head to deny his questions. "No, Dad." The unbelievable lies continued.

"Then _what_ did he do to you son?"

"_Nothing_, Dad." I stood up and walked to the edge of the deck. "He didn't do anything."

He came over to stand next to me. He spun me around to face him and crossed his arm over his chest. "Jasper, listen to me. I will only say this once and then I'm going to leave this alone, okay?"

I nodded.

"Jasper, I'm nobody's fool. Don't take me to be one."

"I'm not-"

He raised his hand to stop me then folded his arms again. "I know that fucker is beating on you. There's no doubt in my mind about that. I know he is controlling because I've seen that, but I also know that he's been abusing you. Now Jasper, I raised you to be your own man and make your own decisions. I can't do that for you. I can't live your life for you. I don't stand in the way of anything you choose as right or wrong for Jasper. However, having said that, I tell you this by God in heaven. If and when I find out from _your_ mouth that that motherfucker has hurt you, I will _bury_ his ass. You know me well enough to know that I mean that. I won't stand for it Jasper. He might think he's bad enough to beat you behind closed doors, but I will lay his ass down in a heartbeat. I won't do it otherwise. I respect you as a man, and I will respect your request to let this rest. "

My eyes were almost popping out of their sockets. "Dad-"

"Don't Dad me, Jasper. I mean what I say. Now I won't pester you about this again. Whenever you're ready, you know where to find me. In the meanwhile, I will continue to ignore him because I swear it is taking legions to keep me from tagging his punk ass every time I see him."

I tried to steady my leg to keep it from shaking. I was so nervous, mostly for James. I knew that if my father found out about James, it was not going to end well at all. That's why I was desperately hoping that Rose would be able to disinvite Edward from that party tomorrow night. I couldn't allow James to go off and create a scene…or a bloodbath.

"Daddy…" Oh man, my mind was slipping. It had been years since I called him that. "I meant, Dad, everything is okay. Don't worry."

When he heard me called him daddy, his eyes were the ones that filled with tears this time. He looked at me with the love only a father could give his son. He truly loved me and cared for me. He was bearing conflicting emotions. On one hand, he was excited to have me home and wanted to enjoy every moment. On the other hand, he felt angry that I was lying to protect James and sad because I was tying his hands so he couldn't help me. He balled his bottom lip and bowed his chin to his chest. I saw tears drop from his cheeks to his hand.

"Dad, please don't cry." I step to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I rested my head on his chest like I used to do when I was a little boy. He embraced me and we stayed that way for a while.

I pulled back from him and wiped my eyes. "Thank you, Dad. I love you too."

Wiping his own face, he turned his head in the direction of the house when we heard James ask my mother where I was. I immediately started shivering and dried my face on my shirt. Not that I could hide anything. My eyes were puffy from all of the crying. My little nervous fit didn't escape my father's watchful eye either.

"See, that right there tells me you are in some serious trouble. You see how you just reacted when you heard his voice? You're afraid that if he sees you out here talking to me, he will hurt you."

"It's not that, Dad." More lies.

"Whatever, Jasper. You just let me know when you want to tell me the truth about what he's doing to you. Once you do, I'll take care of that bitch for you."

"That's not necessary, Dad. Really."

"Hmmm…whenever you're ready."

My mother stepped onto the deck with two more beers in her hands. She looked at our distraught faces and handed them to us. "You guys okay out here?"

We took them from her. My father looked from me to her and back at me. "We're great, sweetheart. We're just talking and happy to see each other. You know, we're catching up after such a long time."

"Hmmm." She looked at us suspiciously. She didn't believe any of that. She walked over to me and gave me a kiss on my cheeks and then did the same for my father. "As you were, gentleman."

She turned and walked back into the house. I was glad that my father was discreet. She would have definitely tried to get a piece James, which would have sent a declaration for war. We sat back down and forgot about James inside the house. I was sure he was going to be angry that I was out here talking to my father. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care what he thought or did. I just wanted peace of mind.

We rested in comfortable silence until we heard the doorbell ring, and the sound of the Brenns filling the house. My heart seemed to forget about my painful session with my father on the deck when I heard my dearest, lifelong friend ask, "Where's my Jazzy?"

A/N: Jasper's father has suspected all along that something is going on. Often times with abuse situations, the victim is afraid to ask for help even when it is from family and people they trust. Sometimes family members want to help and will try to reach out, but only to be rejected by the victims. Sometimes the victims will try to protect their abusers, and as in Jasper's case, try to protect family members from one thing or another. Abuse and DV is a complex cycle. Jasper is on the verge of leaving but right now he's confused. He doesn't even know how he's going to pull it off. All he knows is that he has to get out soon, and that he will not be returning to his life in Forks. He wants help, but he wants to get out without anyone he loves getting hurt. This is normal behavior for victims.

I am glad that JP had enough insight to be able to see and hear his son's cry for help. I love Jasper's father in this story. In the Twilight series we know little about his father, and this is how I envision his father to have been. Someone strong, courageous, and yet loving and caring and protective of his family. He convinced me that he is going to stomp a mud hole in James' ass once he finds out. LOL. I sure hope Reggie is at that party to keep him, Michael, Liz, Kevin, and Rosie from killing James…even if he does deserve it! With all of those folks in the mix, someone is bound to be casket ready! Yeah, Reggie definitely needs to be at that party! Hang on! There's more to come.

Alright next up Kevin…and eventually the party. Thanks for leaving your valuable feedback. I appreciate it.


	11. Chapter 11 Hey  Hi

**All original characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The changes in their personalities and plot are mine. This story contains abusive and references to domestic violence situations, as well as sexually explicit material. It also contains adult language and themes. If this is not your thing, get lost. Not for children under 18.**

**A/N: thanks for reading and reviewing**

**This chapter is a bit of a transition from Jasper's conversation with his father to his initial reunion with his lifelong friend. In this chapter, I wanted to introduce the bond between Kevin and Jasper's and their priceless friendship in a different way. I wanted to lighten up off of the domestic violence a little: You might agree with Jasper in this one…LOL.**

**Warning: This story is intended for an adult MA audience only. Contains crude language, adult content, adult related themes, sexual relationship between two men: SLASH. If this is not for you, please don't read. If you are under 18 stop reading now!**

Getting out of my domestic violence relationship with James was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I'd come to learn this. I had suffered so much hurt by his hands that I couldn't even remember what it felt like to love him. At one time, I did love him with all the intensity a first love could muster. Truthfully, a very, very small part of me will always have the feelings of a first love towards him, but there was nothing left for him anymore. I was no longer in love with him, and found it hard to _even _care for him after the abuse he'd subjected me to.

With much revocation, I felt angry that he was my first love. I hated myself for giving him my virginity. That was a part of me that I only wanted to share with the man I would spend my entire life with. It was intended for the man who would love and protect and honor me. I never intended to share that with a narcissistic, abusive maniac. I felt duped, used, and most of all stupid for falling for him and his lying games.

There were so many factors to consider; so many questions in my head. Where was I going to go or how was I going to get James out? How would I make sure he couldn't hurt me once I left him? These were all valid questions in which I had no answers. I knew I could always stay with my family, but at what risks or costs? My family would fight to the end to protect me, but could they really? James was quite the manipulator and very sneaky. He had means to do just about any vile thing that he wanted to do…or at least that was what he wanted me to believe.

I felt so terrified. I was terrified of change and having no stability. Even though life with James was putrid hell, I had a roof over my head, clothes, and food. I was afraid of stepping out on my own. I was still relatively young and naïve, if I were honest with myself. I was not strong like my father and Uncle Mike or even Uncle Reggie. Hell, Rose was even braver than I was. In spite of this, if I didn't get out soon, I would be dead or he would be. I had to start finalizing my plans to leave.

The biggest and scariest step would be telling someone what was going on. I had a support system in place of people I trusted and who loved me. My Dad was spot on. He knew James was abusing me and if I let him have his way, he would do serious damage to the man. I still had a sinking feeling that he just might make good on his promise to sift him like wheat with or without my permission. Yes, he was that pissed. He wanted to feed James' ass to him for hurting his only son…his prince. This made me smile. He'd always called me his prince, and I knew that I had a special place in his heart that could never be filled by anyone else. Mom, Rosie, and I were the most important people in his life, and he would lay down his life in a minute for either of us.

It was very hard to think about leaving on my own, but I knew that if I relied on my support system, I could do it. The problem was getting up enough nerve to put them in harm's way. I knew that if I had an emergency, they would always be there for me, but I always became so overwhelmed by guilt and embarrassment to even ask them to do this for me. I had been such a fool for not listening to them. My life in shambles, there was no way I could put them in the middle of my mess.

I had a little bit of money save up, and I could give Mom whatever money I received in those gifts to put in an account for me. James would not know about it and it would be available for me whenever I got ready. In the past, every chance I had gotten, I put a little bit of money away. Not that it was hard for me to do this. James never allowed me to go anywhere to spend money. He didn't give me much cash, and since he checked all of the receipts, I never kept change. Most of the time I paid with a debit or credit card, and did not get cash back. On the rare occasions when he would give me cash, I saved it. From the moment the abuse began I knew I would eventually need a net to fall back on whenever I left, because I knew James would never leave. I had always tried to bury the idea of returning to Seattle with my family, so I knew I would need to buy food, pay some bills/rent, and maybe even need money for transportation. Since my name wasn't on our mortgage, I wouldn't have to worry about being stuck with that drama or my credit being jacked up, which in turn wouldn't be a problem with me getting a new place.

Doing all of that research paid off. It was only after I started searching for a solution, did I realize I needed to do all of these things. Some of the research had suggested that whenever I left to try to secure a place as soon as I could. I was very apprehensive about shelters or anything like that, and my family would be quite pissed if I chose a shelter over them. It didn't matter though. I had to protect them. Hell, for all I knew James might try to hurt them even if I was not there with them. I was just so confused and just didn't know what to do. I made a mental note to talk to Kate about this because I wouldn't want to just show up on somebody's doorstep.

Some of my research also gave me the idea of obtaining a restraining order. This would also be something I would need to discuss with Kate, because I didn't know how to get one or if there was even a cost to file one. My Dad was a lawyer and I was sure he could tell me what to do, but that would come with a beat down for James and jail time for him. Truthfully, as much as I abhorred our museum of a house, James was the one causing the problems so rightfully he should be the one to leave, not me. He should be the one restrained from coming near me in our home. On the other hand, even if he did, staying there would remind me of too many bad memories and I would be a tortured soul living there.

The minute I heard Kevin's voice, I was elated but at the same time extremely embarrassed and shy to be seen like this by him. Not that it would have mattered to him. Kevin and I were one. We were bonded in the throngs of friendship in such a way that I could have ran in there naked and sat on his lap and he would have laughed it off, carried me upstairs, and dumped me in my closet while telling me to put some clothes on all of my junk. Yeah, we had it like that. That was the kind of relationship we had.

Until James we had always been open and honest with each other about everything. We had no secrets. As children we had shared everything down to the bath water we use. Yes, it was gross, thinking about it now, but it was nothing for us to take baths together when we were little. We'd always shared our toys, food, games, everything and we never fought. We always had each other's back and we took care of each other.

I hid most of James from Kevin before we got married because he was so vehemently opposed to me marrying him. Kevin had only briefly met him once because I was so blinded by love and ignorance at the time and I didn't want to hear any of his persuasion to leave my "dream man." I wanted Kevin, my best friend, to support my decision, not hate me for it. Truthfully, he didn't hate me for it. I knew this now. He loved me enough to see the error in what I was doing. He was trying to protect me as he always had and I wouldn't let him.

He was very upset with me that I didn't tell him I was getting married and that he wasn't even invited to the wedding. I had not spoken with him much after the wedding because James kept me on lock down. I had started to feel that I would never get a chance to talk everything out with him again. Luckily, I'd set up a secret email account and would communicate with him by email whenever I went to town or to the public library. I couldn't do it from home because James would know and whip me with his belt for talking to my friends. While I never came out and told him about the abuse, I simply told him that James was a "little" uncomfortable with me talking to other guys.

I guess I should have been afraid of how Kevin was going to react when he found about James. He was going to be hot with me for not telling him about the abuse. Believe me, I wanted to tell him all of it, but I loved him too much to get him involved. I couldn't take the risk of James harming him in any way. I just couldn't do that to my friend…my brother.

My Dad turned and headed towards the inside of the house. "Dad, I think I'm going to take the outside stairs to your room and go up to my room and grab a shower. I noticed the door open up there. Can you tell Kevin that I will be down shortly?"

He nodded his understanding. I looked and felt a mess. He knew I didn't want Kevin, who I hadn't seen in over two years, to see me like this.

"Sure, son. I'll let him know." His smile didn't reach his eyes. He was still hurting for me. I smiled back and dashed up the wooden stair case to their bedroom. Once inside I made my way quickly to the hall linen closet, grabbed a towel and washcloth, and headed to my old room. I heard Kevin asking for me again and my father telling him that I was taking a shower and would be down in a minute. He grumbled at that and I had to laugh. He was as excited to see me as I was him.

I started the shower and went to get some clothes out of my suitcase along with some toiletries. Satisfied with my choice, I undressed quickly and went into the bathroom. The shower felt great and I turned the water as hot as I could stand it. I needed to relax. I felt dirty and sticky from the day, and after that big dinner I needed to wind down a little.

What a day this had been. I sighed heavily and leaned my head on the shower wall and willed the hot water to wash away the grime left behind by James' physical, verbal, and mental assault. He had beaten me, slapped me around, forced me to perform oral sex on him, belittled me, embarrassed me, and then slapped me around some more. Tears mingled with the water as I replayed the events of the day in mind. I sobbed silently for myself. I deserved better than that. I had never done anything to deserve that type of treatment. He'd just about destroyed my confidence in human beings and had taken everything I could possibly dream of having.

I could no longer hear my family downstairs. I was loss in my own self-pity. I wanted- no needed help. I thought about calling Kate but I didn't have time right now because Kevin was waiting for me downstairs along with his parents. Besides, that conversation would probably take some time, and I didn't want to feel rushed. I just needed help, and I had no one to turn to other than her. She was the only one who wouldn't be caught in the middle of my mess.

I showered thoroughly for a few more minutes and turned the water off. Feeling somewhat refreshed, I pulled the curtain back so I could step out.

"HOLY FUCK!" I shouted as my heart almost pounded out of my chest. I saw the tale of something dart behind the toilet. I jumped backwards in the shower and pulled the curtain next to me. I peeped around the side and tried to get a glimpse of whatever it was behind there. To my surprise it was some sort of snake.

_How in the hell did that this thing get in here? What the fuck? Oh God! Dad left that back door open and it must have crawled in here looking for water or something. Why it felt the need to stop in here is beyond me?_

I didn't do snakes at all. No way! I had always been terrified of them, poisonous or not. When we were children, we used to occasionally see them when we played outside. Kevin was always the brave one, the one who would grab them and run. Not me, no way, no how…there was nothing about them that interested me, and I certainly wasn't charmed. I was accustomed to seeing them outside, but not in my bathroom! I did the only thing I could best. I called for my Dad.

"DA-AAAD! DA-AAAD!" I shouted to the top of my lungs. Call me a wuss, a punk, a sissy, what the hell ever, but there was no way in hell I was getting out of this shower until he came and I got that thing out of here. "KEVIN! DA-AAAD!" I shouted again. "DA-AAD!"

Within seconds I heard several sets of feet charging up the steps to my room. I heard my Dad shaking my bedroom door.

_Oh fuck! I locked the door! Shit!_

"Jasper, what's wrong?" My Dad shouted through the door as he pounded on it. "Jasper open the door! It's locked!"

"I can't, Dad! I'm in the shower!" I yelled backed. This was going to be good and embarrassing. My clothes and the towel were in my room on the bed. I had to pass by that big ass snake to get there. There was no way in hell I was going to do that.

"Jazz, what's wrong?" I heard Kevin's voice, Michael's, Dad's, Mom's, Felicia's, Rosie's, everybody but James'. Was he even concerned? Was he even with the rest of them?

"KEVIN!" I screamed when the snake coiled and moved. "OH SHIT! DA-AAD!" I swear it moved closer to the tub. "OH SHIT! SHIT! FUCK…DAD! KEVIN!"

"Jasper, are you hurt son? What's wrong?" My Dad yelled through the door. "Jasper, why can't you open the door?" His voice was shaky and he jiggled the door knob again. "Jasper, I swear I'm going to kick this damn door in! What's going on in there?"

"Dad, I'm not hurt." I yelled back. "There's a snake in here."

"A SNAKE!" They all shouted in unison. "What the hell?"

"Is it poisonous, son?" He asked.

"I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE!" I screamed. The snake moved again. "DA-AAD! Dad this thing is moving!"

I heard the women say they were out of there, and the men could handle this. Like myself, they were afraid of snakes and wasn't about to go near one.

"Oh, God this is some bull! DAD GET IN HERE NOW!" I yelled again as that thing lined itself against the tub.

"Jasper, I'm coming son. Just give me a minute to get the key out of my room." He called back.

The snake was now spread the entire length of the bathroom. It was brown and black and big as hell. It slithered towards me.

"DAD! WHO THE HELL EVER…HURRY UP! KEVIN!" I knew Kevin would come get it. I was sure James would find a way to yell at me for not calling him to help me, but he could go to hell right now. I wasn't even trying to care about him.

"I'm right here, Jazz. Your Dad is unlocking the door now. We'll be in a sec!" Kevin's reassuring voice was not at all calming to me. My severe phobia of snakes had already kicked into overdrive and I was about to lose it in that bathroom. I was secretly glad I had never allowed James to know this about me. That mean jackass would have possibly tried to torture me with one just to spite me.

Within minutes the door of my room flew open and in walked every male in the house, including James, Miles, and Patrick. Of course the boys wanted to see it, but their father made them stay on my bed just in case it was poisonous. I was still behind the curtain, stark naked when the four adult men entered the bathroom. Thank God it wasn't too tiny or all of them wouldn't have been able to fit in there. When they saw me wet and naked behind that shower curtain and that snake on the floor, they all burst into laughter, even James, although I was sure he was laughing because he thought I was a punk. The others just thought it was plain funny.

"Oh that's just nice guys. Real nice. There is a snake in here, only God knows how and why, and you're standing there laughing at me?" I shivered. "I don't like snakes. Ugghhh!" I shivered again.

Kevin walked fearlessly up to the snake to examine it; I'm sure he made sure it was harmless first. He was pretty smart, and he knew a lot about wildlife. For some reason, that had always been a hobby of sorts for him. The snake was moving around and I instinctively inched back against the shower wall. I moved back further when it tried to run from him and darted behind the toilet again.

"Just get it out of here, now, please!" I shouted, looking over at my husband who looked at me with sheer embarrassment and disgust. He was embarrassed that his husband was punking out and acting like a wimp a snake. Screw him!

"Jasper, it's just a garter snake. They like water and it probably came in here from an open door or something." Kevin said picking it up. He was not afraid at all. "It's harmless, Jazzy. It won't hurt, you. See?" Though he found my situation humorous, he didn't move closer because he'd always known of my fear. He would not have found humor in purposely putting that snake near me. This was the same way he took care of me when we were kids. That's why I loved him. He understood me.

"OH MY GOD! Kevin!" My eyes bulged and they laughed again. Kevin put it in a pillow case that my father had retrieve from the linen closet. Once the snake was securely inside, Kevin handed it to his father. They looked at me standing there trembling and wet, and died laughing. They were holding their sides and gasping for breath.

"I'm glad that I'm able to amuse you guys." I pouted. "Ha ha ha ha."

They laughed harder and I had to admit that even though Kevin's laughter was just as annoying as the rest, he looked the picture of great health and vitality. He was exactly the way I remembered him, only a little more muscular and leaner. He was the exact opposite of me. Most of all he was happy. He stepped closer to the shower and I guess I should have been embarrassed by him seeing me semi-naked but I wasn't. He was just Kevin and he'd seen as much of me as I had.

"This is freaking priceless, little bro." He laughed, reaching to tousle my wet hair. The laughter simmered from the men behind him. James was eyeing him intently now. I could sense that he was not comfortable with another man who was not my biologically related to me being this close while I was wet and naked.

_Pervert!_

"You were in quite a predicament, Jazzy?" Kevin teased. "Don't worry; I will always be here to protect you." I heard James snort almost under his breath. I rolled my eyes.

"Just shut up, Kevin." I bumped his shoulder. Kevin laughed again and that beautiful smile of his brought back so many memories. This time I laughed with him a little. "It's good to see you."

He stood there with his arms folded across his chest. "It's great to see you. This was worth coming home to. You always have been very afraid of snakes and anything that moves actually." He teased. "Still scary as ever, I see."

"I am not. I just don't like snakes." I defended myself, laughing with him. James' had stopped laughing and was glaring again. He made it silently and painfully obvious to me that he did _not_ like Kevin.

_No surprise there! He doesn't like anyone who loves me!_

"And for the record, I'm only younger than you by thirty minutes." I interjected. Our fathers watched us while they were talking about some randomness and I was starting to get cold.

"Thirty-two to be exact." He winked at me proudly. "I will always be the oldest."

"Whatever. Will you please hand me my towel so I can get out of here?" I asked. I heard the women yelling from downstairs to see if the snake had been caught. My father yelled back and told her they had it under control.

"Daddy, let us see the snake!" The boys charged into the bathroom so they could take a peek. Michael opened the bag so they could look. "Oh! Cool!" They exclaimed in excitement. "Can we go outside and play with it."

They all looked at me knowingly and laughed again. "Jasper, even the babies aren't afraid of the snake." Michael laughed and winked too. "You sure you don't want to make a new friend before the boys and I go set him free?"

I shook my head. "Um…Uncle Michael…no thanks. I'm good. Go on now. Take that thing out of here." He laughed again and the boys followed him out of the bathroom.

Kevin returned to the bathroom with my towel and held it in his hand. I reached for it but he pulled it back. Dad thought his little antics were funny, but my husband didn't.

"Maybe I will keep this. Go ahead Jazzy, step on out." My brother challenged me with a devilish grin on his face. "I dare you."

"No." They laughed again. "You're getting a kick out of this aren't you?" I asked. They nodded and continued their laughing. I looked quickly at James who stood leaning against the vanity with his legs and arms crossed. He was rolling his tongue again and was obviously thinking this was inappropriate. Dad and Kevin ignored him.

"It's not like we all haven't see you naked before, little bro." He folded and unfolded the towel. "Come on let us see your other snake?" My dad fell out laughing again. He slapped his knees and Kevin roared with him.

"Kevin, give me that freaking towel! I'm not playing! Give it to me! I swear when I get out of here I'm going to kick your ass!" He handed me the towel and I quickly snatched it from his hand before he decided to tease me some more.

"Coming from the guy who's afraid of a teeny, itty-bitty snake." His eyes were dancing. He looked so much like his father, but I could see a striking resemblance to his mother as well. I loved my friend, even though he _was_ brutally teasing me. I was used to this though. We had always joked around with each other, at times quite roughly, and always liberally enjoyed the humor in our relationship.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and pulled the curtain back. I was praying to God I didn't have any bruises anywhere on my body from that whipping James had given me in the car, or from the fight outside or from the floor slamming incident. If Dad and Kevin saw that, James would have been begging to trade places with that snake to go join the rest of his manipulative, slithering friends. He seemed nervous too as I stepped out of the shower. He was probably thinking the same thing I was about the bruises.

I was now standing directly in front of Kevin. "Hey." I said, grinning sheepishly. I was so thrilled to be here with him. I was even more thrilled to know that it wasn't going to be long until I would find a way to see him more often.

"Hi." He greeted me back. That was how we always greeted each other. We hugged and my father was beaming. He and Michael had successful fostered a brotherly-friendship between the two of us that almost mirrored and rivaled the closeness that they shared in their friendship. James was seething again, but made no move to leave. He wanted to see where this was going.

We pulled back from each other. "I'm so glad you're home." Kevin hugged my wet body tightly again and I clung to him almost for dear life. I rested my forehead on his strong shoulder and wrapped my damp arms around his body. I knew this was going to earn me several blows from James, but I didn't care. Kevin had been my bestie since the day we were born. He meant the world to me, and I loved him with my life.

"It's good to be here." I said as he released me. My father was wise to stay in the bathroom. He knew James was jealous and there was no way he was going to leave us in his hands. "I've missed you so much."

Kevin smiled. "Ditto. We have so much catching up to do. There is something fierce I need to talk to you about."

I smiled and nodded. "Some girl?"

He laughed. "Oh, man, you have no idea. Get dressed so we can talk. I'm going to dive into Aunt Lizzie's monkey bread. I'll wait for you downstairs."

He turned to leave and I remembered that I hadn't introduced him to my unloving husband. As if on cue, James gave me that "you're-dead-if-you-don't-acknowledge-me" look. He and Kevin had met very briefly before we got married, but had not seen each other since. I'd purposely avoided giving James much information about him and in turn he'd pretty much barred me from any contact with my BFF.

"That sounds great." I gently tugged at the hem of his shirt and he turned to face me. I don't know why I cared, but I decided to save my ass a few bruises and presented him to James. "Um, Kev, you remember my husband James. You guys haven't seen each other since we got married."

Kevin gave me a look that clearly said, _Yeah, you're right. We haven't seen each other since you got married, and why is that? Why is it that I haven't seen my brother in two years and why can't I call or come see you, and why when you do call me it's always from a pay phone, and why are we only communicating through email and why did we have to get your address from Uncle Reggie. What the hell is that about? _

The look also said, _"And don't stand there and look at me like that. I know what's been going on because our folks talk and don't for a second think that I'm cool with that jacked-up mother fucker. I'm about one second from bitch slapping his ass, but since this important to you, I will be play nice…for now!_

As the loving and protective big brother would do, he extended his hand politely to James. My father just stood with his arms crossed and didn't even try to hide his disgust at the mention of James' name, or at the fact that I even bothered to introduce him to another member of our private circle. James smiled and politely shook his hand just as he had with Uncle Reggie earlier at the ice cream parlor.

Kevin turned to me. "Well, hurry up and cover up your junk so we can hang out."

I nodded and smiled. "I'll be down in a few minutes."

As he left, my father read the look on my face that said, _"Please don't leave me alone in here with James right after this fiasco."_ As much as it pained him, he gave me a little nod and turned to James.

"James why don't we go down stairs and see what Michael and the boys did with that snake?" When James hesitated, he patted him on the shoulder. "Give it a rest, and let's go get a beer."

James looked at me. He reluctantly agreed. "Sure."

He walked out of the bathroom and my father whispered, "Son of bit-"

"I love you Dad." I mouthed.

He pointed at me. "I wish he would have-"

"Thank you, Dad." I mouthed again. He nodded and left to follow James who was already downstairs.

I quickly finished in the bathroom and headed to my room where I hurriedly threw on my jeans and a t-shirt. I went back in the bathroom and styled my hair and within minutes I was headed back downstairs to bond with my only real friend. I knew James would be watching us like a hawk, so I wasn't sure how much we would get to talk about. I could only hope that an opportunity would open up for us to steal away for a few moments to catch up. James would beat me for it, that was certain, but I had to find a way to tell finally tell Kevin everything and what I was planning to do. I would have to make him swear to keep his cool in order for me to do it. That was a far-stretched prayer, but right now all I had was hope that my friend would listen and protect me. I turned the handle of the door and walked out into the hall. I heard my mother asking if I was alright up here, and my sister still spewing over the snake.

_Well, here goes nothing!_

A/N: I know some of you are like, "I know you didn't…" LOL. I know, I know. Jasper has a phobia and I wanted to show that Kevin is still loving and protective of him while at the same time still his best friend in every way. They love each other like brothers and I know that Kevin meant what he said when he told him he would always protect him. I also wanted to show some of Jasper's thoughts about his domestic violence relationship with James as he progresses further with his decision to leave. He seems to be getting a good handle on it and has finally made the decision to tell someone he can trust.

The idea of the snake originally started as James standing there when he got out of the shower. The snake is a metaphor for Jasper's deepest fear. That snake is like James. It represents something that Jasper fears greatly and he has to learn to trust other people to save him from it so to speak. Even though Jasper is a grown man, he has pretty much become a victim of his own fears and willingness to embrace this toxic relationship. Unlike the snake, James is poisonous to him and Kevin is there to help Jasper decide what to do, and to help get the "snake" out. James is an ass wipe and he's already jealous of Jasper's relationship with Kevin. Such a jerk.

Kevin understands Jasper's needs and this can be seen in how he reacted to Jasper's phobia. I'm not sure if you all are aware of how phobias work, but they represent a very irrational fear that is capable of completely immobilizing a person. This is exactly what James has done up to this point. He has rendered Jasper helpless in his own mind, and therefore Jasper feels he is incapable of being free to live as the man he desires to be.

Okay, so a little humor in this chapter…Jasper and Kevin talk…can't wait to see what happens in this next chapter before the party on Saturday. I have so many plans for Edward and Jasper but before they can embark on a real relationship, Jasper has to deal with these presenting fears in his current marriage.

JP scores another point for protecting his son!

Please review


	12. Chapter 12   What's Done in the Dark

**Character names and Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. This story and it's plot and character variations belong to me. No infringement intended. This story contains sexual explicit and mature language and situations. IF you don't like, don't read. Not for children under age 18.**

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing**

**In this chapter we see Jasper's conversation with his best friend. Enjoy**

When I went downstairs, everyone was outside but Kevin and our Moms. He'd kicked his shoes off and was sitting Indian-style on the couch eating a pan of monkey bread and drinking milk. His face brightened when he saw me and he motioned for me to come sit next to him on the couch. I smiled at him and plopped down excitedly next to him.

"This is _so_ good." He said savoring every mouthful. "Mmm." He chuckled. "Almost as good as busting a-"

"Kevin!" His mother scolded him from the kitchen. "You watch your mouth!"

He smiled devilish at me and I returned it. "Sorry, Mama." He wiped his fingers on his napkin. "Are you okay now?"

I nodded. "Yeah, now that it's outside."

He laughed softly. "Dude, you should have seen the look on your face. Priceless!" He stuffed his mouth again.

"Well, it just surprised me. That's all. I wasn't expecting something like that to be in there." I reached for a piece of his bread and he swatted my hand, but allowed me a piece any way. We chewed silently. "How in the hell did a snake get in my bathroom?" I shivered at the memory. "I'm glad you were here to get it out." I finished my little snack.

"I'm sure Uncle JP or my Dad could have taken care of that job if I were not here." He winked at me.

"Yeah, but not as fearlessly as you did." We laughed a little. It felt so good to be this relaxed and worry free again. It had been a long time. "I'm so glad you're here, Kevin. I have missed you something fierce."

He nodded. "Me too. I will always be here for you Jazz, just like with that snake."

I swallowed a thick lump that had formed in my throat. "Thanks Kevin. I know." I reached for his half gallon of milk and he swatted my hands.

"Unn…unn…" He snatched it away and I laughed. "Mom! Jasper needs a glass!" He yelled. "I _know_ where you mouth has been." He told me guarding his milk. "Unn…unn…"

"Really, Kev? After all the times you have drank my saliva and backwash? You _cannot_ be serious." I said reaching for the milk again, but he blocked my arm.

"Unn…unn…no, sir!" His mother walked out with a glass and sat it on the table. I stood up and hugged her neck.

"Hey Aunt Felicia." I kissed her cheek. "Thanks. Kevin is being nice-nasty."

She kissed me back. She pushed Kevin's head to the side. "Be nice." We laughed as she walked back into the kitchen.

"I can't believe you're going to make me drink out of a glass." I sat back down and reached for the milk.

"Hmm…hmm…" He winked at me. "Pour up."

"My best friend just picked up a snake, and now is afraid to drink behind me."

"Hmm…hmm…" We both laughed. I poured a little milk in the glass and before he knew what was happening, I took a swig out of the jug.

"Jazz!" He laughed and snatched it from me. "Not cool, dude."

I laughed again and wiped my milk mustache. He shook his head and after devouring another piece of the sticky dessert, he took a long swig from the jug too.

"I knew you didn't care. You never care." I laughed. "I made it extra sweet for you."

He nodded. "Yep, yep. So Jazzy what's been going on with you? I mean, I feel like it's been forever since I talked to you." He finished the rest of the milk and sat back on the couch. He was sitting very close to me and I was sure if James walked in he would be incensed by the proximity of our bodies.

"Everything has been okay. Nothing much to talk about." I said. "What about you?"

"Jazz, why haven't you called me?" He asked, completely ignoring my question. "I don't even have your phone number and I've never been to your place. What's up with that?" He asked boldly. "I mean, you're my best friend. I find this a little odd."

I looked toward the kitchen and saw our mothers talking to each other, but I was sure they were listening to every word. I also knew that James and the others had been outside for several minutes and it wouldn't be long before they would return to the house.

"Kevin," I whispered. "Can you text my Dad and tell him to stall everybody outside to give us a chance to talk upstairs?"

_Especially my husband._

He understood and immediately pulled out his cell phone and honored my request. Within seconds he'd communicated the message to my father and Dad replied with a message that said, "_OK. Let me know when you're ready for us to come back inside." _

"Let's go upstairs to my room so we can talk." I whispered and pointed towards the kitchen to remind him that we had eavesdroppers. We informed our Moms that we were going to hang out upstairs, they rolled their eyes knowingly, and Kevin followed me quietly upstairs. I reached for the handle of my bedroom door, but decided it would be better to take this conversation to the spare room just in case James came back early.

"Let's go in this other room." Kevin didn't question me, but obediently followed me there. Once inside, I locked the door behind us and we sat on the bed facing each other, Indian-style like we used to do when we were kids. We smiled at each and hugged for a few minutes before we broke apart.

"You look great, Kevin. Your Dad must have been sending you packages of his black slush and protein death bars in the mail. He's a health and fitness guru and I'm sure he's been rubbing off on you."

He smiled at me and flexed his biceps. "Yeah, he's always on me about this or that. Sometimes he drives me crazy with that stuff. "

I laughed. "I could only imagine. I remember how he used to rag us back in high school. Truthfully Kev, I miss that though. I was in much better shape back then than I am now. And…it felt so good to have someone looking out for you, you know, making sure that you were okay." I shook my head and dropped it so he couldn't read my face. He reached over and lifted my chin with his finger. "I feel like I'm wasting away…inside and out."

"Talk to me Jazz." He pleaded taking my hands in his. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest. Could I finally do this? Could I finally tell him the truth?

"Kevin, you have no idea. I don't even know how or where to start." I confessed.

"How about from the beginning?" He said softly. "That's a great place."

I looked hopelessly at him and shook my head. Part of me was afraid to talk to him because I didn't know how he would react. I wasn't sure if he'd hate me for not telling him, or if he'd be so angry that he would rush down to the yard and beat James' ass. I didn't want either to happen. The other part of me was afraid of what James would do once he was back in the house and discovered I was upstairs in the privacy of this room with Kevin. When I hesitated, my brother reached up and brushed my hair out of my eyes. He gently lifted my chin again.

"You are safe with me, Jazz. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me." He coaxed. "You're with your family now. That's all that matters."

We just laid there while I tried to gather enough courage to tell my brother about my living hell. I wasn't aware how long Kevin and I had been in that position, but his cell phone buzzed with a message from my Dad asking what was up. Understanding that I wasn't ready for separation, Kevin told him that we were having a very "deep" conversation and that he needed to take the guys out for a while.

This scared me because James would not want to leave me alone like that. He would surely resist my Dad. Kevin's phone buzzed again with another message stating that my father was going to try to convince the guys into going to town to buy some stuff for the party, get more beer, and "bond" with James whom they haven't had the "pleasure" of spending time with without me. I wasn't so sure how that was going to go over with him, but I had to trust them.

James would know something was up. He wasn't stupid, but at least that would give me and Kevin some time alone. I was also sure Rosie would tag along, so she wouldn't be around to interfere. I could only hope she and James didn't have a brawl in my Dad's SUV. I owed my Dad big time for this because I was sure he was ready to vomit just at the thought of James being near him like that. I knew he went along with it because he was thinking that Kevin might be able to accomplish what he'd tried to earlier…to get me to spill James' milk. Our mothers would hold their position in the kitchen and wouldn't bother us either.

"Jazz, don't worry." Kevin read my face. "Our Dads will keep James in check. When they get back we'll go downstairs and if you want I can stay and we can burn the midnight oil. Eventually he'll have to go to bed."

I exhaled. "You don't know James."

He really didn't, but I did. He was going to be livid that he was coaxed away from this house as it was. If Kevin spent the night and stayed down there with him, James would stay up all night if he had to. He'd stay there until we either fell asleep or we called it quits and went upstairs. There was no way he would intentionally leave us together downstairs.

"You're right. I _don't_ know him. I've never been given the opportunity to know him. All I know is that he is some older dude that my brother fell head-over-heels in love with. That's it. I don't know anything." He followed me when I went over to look out of the window. Dad had been successful in talking everyone into going to town. I guess James had decided to go to keep from blowing his cover. They were pulling out of the driveway and I made a point to stay out of James' line of vision.

"Jasper, fill in the gaps for me. I'm your fucking best friend for God's sake. We've been tight since the crib and I don't like that fact that you're sneaking and ducking and afraid to make a move around this guy. What's going on?"

I turned to face him and dangled my arms at my sides. "Alright, Kev. I'll tell you, but you have to give me your word that you will not overreact, that it stays between us until I'm ready to let everyone else know, and that mainly you will keep your cool and follow my lead."

He looked unsure. He was frowning, considering what I was saying. He wasn't comfortable with my terms. "Jasper, I don't-"

"It's my way or nothing at all Kev. I love you and I trust you more than any other person in this whole world. I've never shared what I'm about to tell you with anyone and if you can't agree to this, then we will call it done right now. I'm not trying to be rude or dis you or anything like that, but there is too much riding on this and too much at stake."

He was silent as he stood with his chin stuck to his chest. He was still trying to come to terms with my request. It appeared that he wasn't sure that he could not beat James' ass if I told him something really bad.

"Can I trust you with this, Kevin?" I asked firmly. "You're all I have right now and I need for you tell me that I can trust you." My voice sounded desperate, and needy.

Whatever he was thinking, he let it go and his face relaxed. He exhaled and placed his hands on his hips. "Yeah, Jazzy. You can trust me. I give you my word. Whatever you tell me will stay right here and I will only respond as you tell me to."

"Alright." I took a deep breath and then exhaled. "Kevin…" I exhaled again. "Kevin let's sit back on the bed." We both got back on the bed and resumed our favorite childhood sitting position. I placed my hands and on my knees and willed myself to do this while Kevin waited patiently. I looked up at him through tears again. I could barely get the words out of my mouth because my throat felt thick.

"Talk me to Jasper." He whispered taking my trembling hands in his own. "You have my word. Trust me. I'll always have your back."

I opened my mouth and began to pour my heart out. "Kevin, James has been abusing me."

I paused and stared intently at his face, waiting for some form of judgment or criticism. There was none. He remained the same.

"Go on." He spoke softly. I was pretty clear at this point that all I was doing was confirming his suspicions about my relationship with my husband. I stalled and he reassured me again. "It's alright. I'm listening."

I nodded and squeezed his hand. I forced myself to maintain eye contact with him but it was so hard to keep my focus on him. This was so embarrassing and painful. I just couldn't look at him as I spoke. He didn't pressure me so I looked down at our hands.

"It started right after we got married. Actually, there were signs when we were dating but I didn't see them at the time. He was controlling and dominating my time, therefore keeping me from all of you guys. Part of me thought that was strange, but another part of me wanted to keep him from everybody because I didn't want you all to try to convince me not to be with him. The truth is Kevin, is that I really, really loved him."

He stroked the back of my hand and I looked up at him and shook my head. "I fell so hard for him, Kev. He was my first and only love. I would have done _anything_ for him…_anything_. All he had to was ask." I sniffled. "He was perfect. Yes he was older, but that didn't matter, and it still doesn't. In the beginning he was so much fun, we hung out together and all of that, then we became sexually involved. That's when my heart got all tangled up in it, and whatever was wrong with James, I either completely shut it down or just didn't care."

He coughed, but otherwise remained silent as I continued my story.

"Kevin, I had never felt that way about anyone before. I was so wrapped up in him, and there were times I knew I should have been angry or upset with him about something, but I couldn't be. My heart wouldn't allow it. He was _it_, Kevin. He was my man and I really thought he loved me. I keep telling myself over and over that in the beginning he did love me, and that something went terribly wrong and that's why he changed. When I look back on how we were in the beginning, and how beautiful our relationship was, I can't entertain any idea that he never loved me. I just can't admit to being that blind and stupid."

I paused again and waiting for him to judge me, but my best friend came through for me. His eyes were full as his heart went out to me. He was trying to hold it together, but my hurt instantly became his hurt. He nodded and I continued.

"I didn't tell you about the wedding because I knew you would be opposed to it, as well as the rest of the family. James had the bright idea to run off and get married because he too knew my family would be dead set against, especially since he and I had only been dating for a short while. Although, I kind of believe that would only have made him pursue me harder. All I knew is that I was madly in love with this man who was more than capable of taking care of me and meeting every one of my needs. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, and he convinced me that I didn't need anyone else's approval in order to take that next step. He said we loved each other and that was all that mattered."

I looked at the clock. Dad and the others had only been gone for about ten minutes so I knew we were still good on time. Dad was an excellent staller. I was sure he'd filled Uncle Michael in, and he too was good at playing along. He also knew how to keep Rosie and the boys distracted so that they wouldn't start whining about coming back home.

"James promised that we would have a big reception when we got back and invite everyone, but that never happened. It wasn't long after we got back that the abuse started. He had to hurry up and mark his territory and show me who was boss in his house. I was so young Kevin. I really didn't even know what I was doing. I was trying to be a husband and deal with the abuse. I was just so confused."

"So what happened?" He whispered when we heard our mothers' laughing downstairs about something.

I cleared my throat. "He started demanding my undivided attention, more so than when we were dating. He stopped doing a lot of the nice things he'd done for me before, and started becoming more and more demanding and controlling. He took advantage of my age and my willingness to please him. He used me for sex, which was fantastic before he changed. I mean, I swear Kevin; he got off on the fact that I was a virgin and he was the first, and has only been there. He thinks that gives him some type of ownership and power over me or something. He knew I was psyched out over him and therefore he had me right where he wanted me."

Kevin rose up and crawled to the head of the bed, where he rested his back. He invited me to come join him and sat with my back resting on his chest. This wasn't weird for either one of us. It felt great actually. Kevin had always accepted my sexual orientation and that had never skewed his perception of me as his brother and his friend. We had always been very giving about our personal space with each other. There were no barriers. Our friendship was unmarred and precious…just beautiful. This was also his way of making me feel comfortable and secure about talking about this with him.

"Comfy?" He asked as I shifted a little.

"Yes, thank you Kevin. I'm sorry to drop all of this on you, especially since we haven't seen each other in so long."

"Jasper, are you kidding? Don't worry; I want you to tell me this. You need to tell me this." He relaxed his chin on my head. "No worries at all. Go on, please."

"I'm going to tell you something, but if it is TMI, just say so and I'll stop." I felt him nod. "The sex was great Kevin. I meant totally. James was an expert and he knew exactly what to do and how to do it. He knew how to make me feel loved, needed, and wanted. He knew how to hook and catch me. We had lots of fun sex, anywhere we wanted to. It was wonderful." I felt him shift. "Too much? I can stop."

"No not all. I know you Jasper. I could understand how you could have fallen in love with him after all of that. Don't worry. You _know_ I'm not the least bothered by that ass of yours. I'm not homophobic. It's the right-winged jack asses that get on my nerves."

We laughed a little and I continued. "Kevin, you've seen how he dresses."

He chuckled. "Oh yeah. Like a freaking mannequin in a department store."

I nodded. "Well he's like that all of the time and he makes me dress like that. He buys all of my clothes, accessories, shoes. It's insane. I can't just relax and be me. I mean, look how I'm dressed now. These are three hundred dollar jeans! What the fuck? I'm content with a pair of wranglers from Wal-Mart and a plain white t-shirt! …WITH no shoes or socks!"

Kevin laughed. "Right."

"It's ridiculous. Anyway, the real problems started after we got back from our honeymoon. We got into a fight about him being controlling and all and I messed up and let him know that I was afraid of him. That was a mistake I will live with for the rest of my life. He whipped the shit out of me that day with his belt and then tried to make up for it. Then he told me that if I was good then he wouldn't hurt me." I shook my headed, disgusted. "It's such bullshit."

I sat up and turned my body to face him. "Kevin after that, I was started becoming so terrified of him, so I started doing internet research to try to figure out what was going on. I really didn't know what he was capable of doing. He started finding reasons to yell at me or criticize me. He found reasons for hitting me or verbally abusing me. It was either the house wasn't clean enough, the car was dirty, his clothes, etc. etc. etc. I didn't know if I was going or coming. I didn't know how to please him or what was right or wrong. Every day I woke up thinking of ways not to piss him off. Then it got to the place where he would be angry the moment he opened his eyes in the morning. It was then that I realized that I didn't have to do anything for him to get pissed off. That was a right he reserved for himself apparently."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and I mean he like totally wakes up and starts slapping me out of my sleep because I didn't wake him up by giving him a blow job, or because I didn't satisfy him enough the night before. Kevin when I tell you living with this man has becoming a terrifying, surreal nightmare, believe that. James is a lunatic. I mean an OCD, freakatic!"

He nodded, amazed by what I was saying.

"Kevin, James is fucked up crazy. When he comes home he beats me if I don't have an erection and if I'm not in the kitchen waiting for him to come in and fuck my brains out. He slaps me if his food isn't cooked right or if it's not the right temperature. Kevin he has me secluded out there in that house in the woods. I have to sneak to do things, like email or call you because if he knew that he would smash my face into the floor. He only allows me to go to the grocery store and he times me and makes me brings his receipts so that he can tell if I kept change or cash. I don't go to movies or the mall or anywhere guys my age should be going. He gives me a daily chore list and he checks off the items every day. God forbid if I miss something. That is instant brutality. I have no friends and if I mention friends he goes ape-shit on me. He doesn't let me call Mom and Dad that often, and he monitors _every _call I make. I could go on and on about this Kevin because the nonstop abuse goes on every single day of my life. It a nightmare that won't end."

"He calls periodically throughout the day to check in on me. I can never be sure if he's following me or having me followed. He's jealous of me having friends or spending time with them. He has single handedly made himself the only person in my life. He's even abused me in public before and people have seen this. They've tried to help me, but what can I do. I feel so helpless."

He nodded but didn't speak. I knew he was waiting until I finished before he said anything.

"Kevin James has done everything from sexually assaulting me to pushing, choking, hitting, throwing things at me, and threatening me to kill me. Luckily I was already "out" and my family and friends were comfortable with that. Otherwise he would have tried to "out" me to everyone. He wouldn't allow me to go back to UW or go to work. He wanted to keep me a prisoner in our farce of a marriage. I mean, he puts me down in front of people or just let other people be mean to me and he doesn't do anything to protect or defend me. He tells me to shut up in front of other people and he exerts his authority in public so people can see that I'm his child. That's what I feel like, rather than his fucking husband."

He nodded again and continued to listen. He was panting and I knew he was pissed by what I was telling him. He contained his anger.

"Like this morning, he totally let some punk dis me when we went to eat and he didn't even do anything to defend me. Then when I got mad, he went off on me in front of him. He had been nice to me all week and then this morning he snapped. To make a long story short, I was crying in the car on the way here because I was upset by what happened in the restaurant. He whipped me in the car Kevin for crying. He literally spanked me and slapped me around for nothing. Then after he was finished, he made me go down on him, just like that."

"You're joking." He was astonished. "Jazz, what the fuck? What the...that's fucked up."

"That's what I'm saying. Then he tried to make up for and before we made to the house, he stopped us at Lickety's and made me go wash my face so that Mom wouldn't know what happened. When we got here, he was insulting me and just ragging on me so badly in the yard. I got tired of him and said something back to him. He jacked me up by my shirt and I pushed him off of me. That made him livid. He was pissed like an angry rattle snake. He slapped me so hard that I fell on the ground. He proceeded to kick me and punch me and smash my face in the ground."

"What! What the ...Jazz! I will kill that..." He tried to rise up, but I blocked him.

"Kevin! You promised!" He settled down a little when I grabbed his shirt. "Kevin. Please!"

He was boiling. He pounded his fists together. "Jazz I can't let him get away with doing that to you! Thats bullshit!"

I looked at him through wild eyes, pleading with him to honor his promise. "Please."

Though he had fire in his nostrils he settled down so I could finish.

"Kevin be chill okay," I begged. He was breathing hard. He rolled his eyes and balled up his lips but kept quiet.

I gave him a few seconds and continued. "He then dragged me into Ms. Amy's backyard..."

He was grinding his fists again. "Jazz..."

I kept going. "...behind the fence..."

He growled. "Where was everybody?" He asked.

"Dad was at work. Rosie was at school, and Mama had to run to the store. Ms. Amy wasn't home."

"Son of a..."

I swallowed and the tears flowed. "He beat me so bad Kevin." I sobbed. "He hurt me. He slung me around and threw me on some bricks." I started choking on my saliva. "Kevin, Kevin he took off his belt..."

Kevin jumped off the bed and startled me. I followed him as he grabbed a pillow and punched it. "That's straight bullshit! I ain't going for this...Ain't no way in hell I'm going for this shit!"

"Kevin, keep your voice down. Our Moms will hear you!"

"I don't give a fuck, Jazz!" He threw the pillow at the table knocking over the lamp. "This is fucked up!"

I stood there crying like a baby waiting for him to calm down. He just stood there watching me and I continued. "Kevin, he pulled my pants down and started hitting me with his belt...buckle and all..."

"Son of bitch."

"...he then kicked me in my butt with his shoe and in my head and neck and everywhere."

Kevin was so angry right then that his eyes welled with tears. He grabbed the back of his head and started pacing the room. "Jazz, I swear."

"Kevin, I know it's hard for you to hear this, but I need you to listen." He shook his head. "Kevin, James degraded me to the lowest level in that yard. He punked me and I let him because I'm so afraid of him...no terrified of him. He's violent and he hurt me so badly." I started crying so hard again. "Kevin, he...he..." My voice broke. "He made me perform sexual acts on him without my consent and called me every vile name he could think of."

"Jazz, James is going to get knocked the fuck out when his little sissy ass gets back here."

"Kevin..." He paused but was breathing real hard. "That's not all." He looked at me strange. "He threatened to let other men rape me while he watches."

His eyes almost popped out of his head. "WHAT THE FUCK JAZZ?" He yelled. I heard our mothers stop laughing when they heard him yelling.

"Kevin," I whispered, reaching out for him. "Please, please...you promised."

"Fuck that Jazz." He reached for his phone but I ran over to him and snatched it from him. He gave me a nasty look.

"Kevin, no, please."

He reached for his phone but I put it behind my back. "James is going to get knocked the fuck out, Jazz."

There was a knock on the door and we both looked at it but didn't answer it. "Is everything okay in there boys?" My mother asked.

"Yeah, Mom. We're good." I said, keeping my voice steady.

"Kevin, why are you yelling?" My mother asked.

"We're just talking Mama. We're good." He told her.

"I know y'all aren't in there fighting." She told him.

"No Ma'am." He said. "We're just talking, Mama."

"Alright, but y'all better not be in there fighting and I mean that."

"We're not." We both told her. They conceded and we finally heard them walking back down the stairs. Kevin and I just stood there looking at each other. I gave him his phone back and he just shook his head as he put it back in his pocket.

"Kevin, James threatened to take me away forever. He said once we leave, I'm never going to see you guys. Kevin, I think he means it. There's no way I can leave this house with him. Besides the fact that he's got a long list of things he's going to take his time beating me for, I won't get to see my family again."

"Well, that's an easy solution. You're not going with him." He asserted. "Ugh that sorry bitch ass bastard."

"Oh, Kevin. This is such a mess. Thank God he doesn't get drunk or high. Thank God for that!" I raised my hands in the air for emphasis. "There is no telling what cemetery I would be in by now. He controls what I eat and drink. How and when I exercise. Kevin he's taken my fight. I can't beat him if I tried. It's easier to just go along with what he wants, rather than make my own decisions. That saves me a lot of headache and butt whippings. He gets so annoyed so quickly. Like right now, I know with a doubt he is on pins and needles and thinking of ways to beat my ass for this."

"I won't let that happen." He said as-a-matter-of-factly. "I will lay his ass out Jazz."

"Kevin you don't understand." I grabbed my forehead. "He might not beat my ass in front of you guys, but tonight when we're in my room, he'll do what he pleases. I mean, even if he doesn't hit me, he'll start sex with me in my bed and make it as painful as possible as some kind of fucking silent punishment. He does that all the time. He has sex without my permission. For the rest of the night, I will have to find ways to get back in his good graces; to do things that he approves us just so he won't hurt me. I'm so scared Kevin. I'm scared to be left alone with him."

"I will stay here tonight, Jasper. We can sleep downstairs. I will insist on it."

"That's a good way to me killed, Kevin." His eyes widened. "Yes! I told you he was fucking crazy. He has a gun in the car and the keys in his pocket. He's already threatened to use it on me today."

"WHAT! The hell he will! I wish that mother fucker would!"

"Kevin! Focus." I grabbed his hand. "Earlier, today, he got upset because I told Miles he couldn't play a video game." His eyes widened at the mention of Miles' name. "Don't worry. He didn't touch him or anything like that, but he told Miles he could play the game after I told him he couldn't. Miles ended up getting in trouble with Mom and Dad. James tried to undermine me in front of Miles. I'm telling you Kevin, he doesn't want anyone to respect me or treat me like I'm somebody. He wants to control me and toss me around like a fucking rag doll!"

We both sat on the edge of the bed but I stood back up because it hurt to sit for too long. "He drug me upstairs to my room after that and started hurting me in my closet. The only reason he stopped was because Rosie came home. Before you got here, I was on the porch talking to Dad. Dad knows what's up. I haven't told him, but he knows. Trust me, Kev, he is ready to hand James his ass. He is _pissed_."

"Well that makes two of us. I will glad help Uncle JP stomp a mud hole in him."

I shook my head feeling so ashamed that other people had to even suggest fighting my battles for me. "Then there was that fiasco with that damn snake. If Dad hadn't talked James into going outside, he would have bashed my face in for being a punk."

He got up and came to stand in front of me. "I want out so badly, Kevin. I'm afraid for my life. I'm afraid for all of you guys. I don't know what James will do if I try to leave."

He held up his hand. "First of all, James isn't going to do anything to us. That's what he wants you to believe, little bro."

"Kev, you don't know him like I do. I believe he might try. He knows where my parents live. He knows Mom is here during the day. He might try to hurt her, or Aunt Felicia or one of the boys. What if he catches Dad with his back turned and shoots him or something. I mean Kevin; I just don't trust him like that."

"First of all Jazz, let's put this in the right perspective." He guided me to the bed again and stood in front of me while he talked. "James ain't gone do shit."

My eyes welled again. "I mean, James-"

"_Fuck_ James." He interrupted. "James is a bitch…a B.I.T.C.H and he can go fuck himself. Now I don't know much about domestic violence, but I know enough to know that no one deserves to be abused, especially angels like you. You are worth more than he's reduced you to. I don't care what he has told you, you are important to a lot of people Jazzy and _especially_ to me. Now, if you're really serious about leaving then we can talk about that, but I will not stand here even _think_ about being afraid of his ass."

"I want to leave, Kevin." I said softly. "A week ago, after James whipped me for asking to go see a movie with my friend Paul from UW, I went to the hospital in Forks. James didn't know I went, and the doctor there was so kind. His name is Dr. Cullen, and he knew that I was being abused. He told me about a social worker there name Kate who specializes in domestic violence. I have her number memorized and I have been hesitant to call her. He told me that she would be able to help me."

"Maybe you should call her tonight." He offered. "I mean, after everything you just told me, there is no way in hell you are going back. I won't let you."

"Don't worry. I already made up my mind I wasn't going to go back. I just didn't want to say anything until after Rose's party because I know she put so much in it and I really don't know how he's going to react. I can't see him leaving me here without a fight."

He smirked. "Well, brother, if it's a fucking fight he wants, he's already got it. We'll be right there waiting for him."

"So you really think I should call Kate tonight?" I asked, unsure if I really should. "That's risky."

"Jasper, yes, I think you should. I mean, from what you have told me, it sounds like Jack Ass has reached his expiration date. His reign in your life is officially over." He said firmly. "I can't go back to New York without knowing you have at least made that first step to leave. I mean if you have to, you'll come back with me."

"Kevin, I don't-"

He raised his hand to silence me. "Jasper, you told me all of this because you want my help right?"

I nodded.

"Well, let me help you help yourself. This isn't your fight to fight alone, Jasper, but is indeed your fight. You have to be the one to make the choice to leave regardless of the consequences or dangers he wants you to believe will happen. You have to be the one that says, "I'm tired of being sick and tired. I need to get out of this mess."

I cried. "I know. I know."

He scooped me up from the bed and pulled me to his chest. "Well make that call."

We stood there silent for a moment and I realized that my Dad hadn't text. That let me to believe they could be out for as long as we needed them to be. He knew we would text when we were done. I had time to make the call to Kate.

"Jasper, like I said, I don't know much but I guess in many ways, domestic violence in lesbian, bisexual and gay relationships is the same as with straight couples, though I'm sure there are major differences as well. Like I said, no one deserves to be abused. James has abused you in every way imaginable. He has coerced, threatened and humiliated you. Enough is enough. He's not going to stop. He'll take you back to Forks and we may never see you again and the abuse will continue to be cyclical."

"I agree. James will be pissed and could potentially become dangerous if you leave. But Jazzy, after you talk to this Kate lady and she tells you her recommendation, we can talk to our parents on Sunday and get Uncle Reggie and his crew involved. James wouldn't be able to get to you if he tried. As a matter of fact, you might be able to get Uncle JP to press charges against him or something. Either way, you have to get out. The purpose of James' abuse is to maintain control and power over you. I'm sorry, little bro, but that is not going to stop. James has convinced you that this is your fault entirely and it's not."

I considered Kevin's words. I knew they were true, but I was so scared. James was all I knew. How would I go on? Where would I go? What would I become? I shook my head.

"God, Kevin, I'm so scared. What will I be without James? This wasn't how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be in love. We should have been getting ready to start thinking about kids by now. He wasn't supposed to hurt me, Kevin! I trusted him! I gave him everything I had and then some, and what did he do? He took it and destroyed it! I'm so confused and messed up right now. I'm not sure if I can do it. I want to. I know I need to, but I'm scared of stepping out. "

He hugged me tightly. "Jasper, we will be here for you every step of the way. You are not alone. We will take it all one day at a time. The most important thing now is calling Kate and then we'll go from there. You…no we…have to start somewhere. " He pulled me gently from his chest and looked into my tear ravished eyes. "Do you still love James, Jasper?"

Big tears fell from my eyes and I shook my head. "No." My voice broke. "But I…" I covered my face with my hands and sobbed into them. He clasped my wrists and pulled them down. I shook my head and saliva pooled in my mouth again. "Kevin, I wanted my marriage to work." I sobbed. "I w-wanted it t-to w-work, Kevin. I n-never wanted it t-to be this way. I loved him s-so much. I did Kevin. I did."

He finally allowed his tears to fall as I bore my soul out to him. He pulled me to him again and we sank prostrate on the floor. He held me tightly as I sobbed bitterly and almost uncontrollably into his chest.

"I know you did, Jazzy. I know." He soothed me and held me as tightly as he possible could.

"It hurts, Kevin." I sobbed heavily. His shirt was soaked from my tears of release. "It hurts so badly. Go…od! Kevin it hurts. It hurts." I cried louder. He I heard him sniffling. "Kevin, my heart hurts. I-I…I can't…I don't…" Saliva joined the tears on his shirt as I secured my release.

"Let it go, Jazzy." He comforted. "I'm here. I'll always be here." When he said that, I cried even harder. My shoulders began shaking from crying. He wrapped me in pure, brotherly love. He pushed out all space between us and drew me tightly against his strong chest, where I continued to bawl. He held me firmly without speaking and in turn I wrung his shirt in my fist and soaked it as I _literally _tried to bury my face in his heart. I need this…this love, this warmth and security…this protection. I needed my friend and my brother to help make everything in my world right again.

I started coughing when I got strangled on thick mucus in my throat. My eyes hurt so badly it felt like they would shrink in my head from fatigue. I cried for several more minutes and the only friend I had in the world held me like a tiny baby until I calmed down.

I sniffled. "Kevin, he promised to love me forever. He made so many promises that he never kept. He told me that he wanted me and that I was the one for him. He said he would never leave and that he would always take care of me. How could he hate me so much? Why? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, Jazzy. You haven't done anything wrong." He stroked my hair.

"Maybe I should have been a better husband. I should have done more to please him. I should have tried to be what he needed. It's my fault. If I had just listened to him and tried-"

He pulled me back so we could see each other's faces. "Jasper, don't do that."

I shook my head. "It's the truth."

He shook his. "Don't you dare blame yourself for James' violence against you. You have given that man more than he deserves. Don't let him force you to take ownership of his mess."

I shook my head not knowing what to say at that point.

"Jasper, look at me." He raised my chin. Our faces were mere inches apart. "Jasper, you have so much more to give and some man is going to fall madly in love with you someday and treat you like the prince you are. He's going to love you so much and you guys are going to get married and have a real wedding. He will be a part of this family and we'll love him just as we love you. You guys will have a bunch of little Jaspers running around everywhere, and they will get to wear t-shirts that says, "_My Uncle is the greatest and by the way he can kick your ass any day!"_

I gave him a little smile. I could _so_ see that happening with him and my children.

"Hell, if I were a gay man, I would be that man."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at that. Kevin_ ..gay?_ I laughed again.

"What?" He asked. "You don't think I could be in love with you if I were gay?"

I chuckled softly and wiped my eyes. "No, because first of all you're my brother and that's just incestuous and nasty, and second of all I can't imagine you gay." I paused and we smiled and bumped foreheads. "I guess you're right though." I sniffled. "_If_, and I do mean _if_, you were gay, I would probably be in love with you too, but I don't think sleeping with your brother is allowed in this state."

He laughed and pulled my head to rest on his chest. I squeezed him tightly again. "I love you Jasper. You will always be my little brother and I will always have your back."

"Thank you." I murmured against him. "I love you too."

He pulled me back again. "You ready to make that call?"

I pressed my lips together, dropped a few more tears, and nodded my affirmation to his question.

"Yes."

A/N: Well there you have it. Jasper finally told someone he trusts about the abuse. I love his friend Kevin for not being judgmental, but for showing him strong support. I love that Jasper has made the decision to call Kate, which is what we will see coming in next chapter and what she recommends. Jasper has a long way to go, and he's hurting. I love it when Kevin gave Jasper a little bit of foreshadowing there. Jasper is definitely going to meet someone who will do everything Kevin said. I can't wait to see what Jaspward's little cuties look like.

Score more points for the Dads for stalling and getting James from the house. Score for Moms for staying put and giving the boys a chance to talk. Score for Kevin for being a bestie out of this world. Thank you again for reading and please get involved with your local domestic violence center. You can help. You can make decision.

Please review


	13. Chapter 13  The Best Laid Plans

**Character names and Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. This story and it's plot and character variations belong to me. No infringement intended. I only own the errors. This story contains sexual explicit and mature language and situations. IF you don't like, don't read. Not for children under age 18.**

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing.**

**Okay, now Jasper makes his call to Kate. Enjoy and remember that you CAN help victims of DV. Please get involved in your local community efforts. Thank you**

Kevin handed me his cell phone. I reached out and slowly took it from him. He smiled but it was not that reassuring. I had so many doubts about all of this. He intercepted my thoughts.

"It's just a call Jazzy. No one has to know that you even made it but the two of us. I'll be right here the entire time." He smiled again and rubbed my arm with his hands to help me relax. "You need to do this, Jazzy. It's time."

I hesitated.

"Make that call Jasper or James will have to spend some of those millions on some new teeth."

I nodded and held his hand. I sighed heavily. "Thank you so much, Kev. I love you for this…for everything."

He smiled. "Oh I'm sure I owe you so much more."

I smiled back and rolled my eyes. "Um…yeah…like for that time you talked me into helping you steal your Dad's car."

He laughed. "Oooh…yeah…that was pretty bad."

"To say the least. You talking about gettin' our butts busted. Oh man!" I looked at the phone. "Kevin, do really think I should do this? I mean this would be the last weekend I would be with James. It could mean so much worse." I gripped the phone tightly in my hand. "This could end so badly. I don't know Kevin. I just don't know."

"Jazz…"

"Kevin, listen to me okay. I mean, my life with James is treacherous. I get that. There is no reason why everyone else has to get involved and get hurt or hurt someone. I mean I can't stand James, but I don't want him to be killed. Besides that would mean that someone would go to jail and then that person's family would be disrupted. Kevin is just too risky. I can't take that chance."

"Jasper." He took my hands in his. I felt desperate and suddenly intimidated. "Look at me Jazzy." I did. "Breathe." I inhaled deeply. "Now relax." I willed myself to obey. "Just relax." He gave me another minute to collect myself. "Now focus on what I'm telling you. It's _just_ a call. She'll make her recommendation and we can go from there."

I kept breathing and listened intently to him. Everything he said made perfect sense. He was right. It was just call. What could it hurt? I had to do this.

"Okay." I said. He inched closer to me as a further show of support and I dialed Kate's number. I was _so_ glad he was here. I don't think I would have been able to do this alone. She picked up after two rings.

"Hello, this is Kate Garrett. How may I help you?" She greeted me. Dr. Cullen was right. Her voice was very pleasant and instantly helped settle my screaming nerves.

"Um, Mrs. Garrett?" I was so nervous. My body was quivering with fear. Kevin guided us to the window seat and sat beside me. He continued to hold my free hand and he placed his other hand on the small of my back.

"Yes, this is Kate Garrett." She said again.

"Um…Mrs. Garrett…" I started. "My name is Jasper Ha-"I couldn't tell her my married name. _What if this got back to James? He would be infuriated if he knew I was talking about our private business with a total stranger._ "Um…Jasper Whitlock."

Kevin's eyes bulged and I quickly looked away.

"Hi, Jasper. Please call me Kate. Oh and it's okay to use your legal name. This conversation is confidential."

I cleared my throat and put her on speaker phone so Kevin could hear. "Yes, ma'am." I whispered, but loud enough for her to hear. "I'm really scared right now." I confessed. "Honestly, I'm terrified."

"I understand Jasper and you have every right to be, no matter how much you or anyone else tries to convince you that you shouldn't be afraid." She had the most calming voice and she reminded me so much of my Mom when she would take care of me when I was little. "No matter what Jasper, I'm here to help you."

"Thank you. I am here with my brother. He helped me make this call. My husband doesn't know that I am doing this obviously. He would kill me if he knew." I decided that this would be a good time to slide in the fact that I was married to a man, that way if she was not "gay" friendly, she could bow out now. I figured that there probably were not very many services to help same sex couples. I was sure there were few or no shelters and services for male victims of domestic violence, gay or straight.

"Well, your husband will never know that we've talked." _So she's okay with my orientation._ That's good. "I'm glad you called me, Jasper."

"It's very nice to meet you Jasper." She coughed and excused herself. "Before we continue, Jasper, I would like for you to reintroduce yourself."

I paused, unsure of where she was going with this. "Um…I'm Jasper Hale. Whitlock is my maiden name. I had a visit with Dr. Cullen last week at the hospital and he gave me your number. He said that I could call any time. I hope this is alright."

"Of course it is. My cell phone is always on. Thank you, Jasper. I know that you are wondering why I had you do that. It's because even though I know you are afraid, I want you to be comfortable enough with me to begin to relinquish some of that fear. By acknowledging your public name, you are telling Jasper that he is ready for this. It also tells me that you are ready and that you are willing to move beyond the painful cycle of abuse."

She was absolutely right. "Yes, ma'am." I said politely.

"Jasper, you don't have to call me ma'am. Really Kate is fine." She said. "Now Jasper tell me about your situation. You don't have to tell me everything because it may be quite painful for you at this time, and there will be plenty of time for longer conversations later. I just need for you to give me a picture of what's going on right now."

I proceeded in giving her a brief summary of what has happened that brought me to this point. She listened intently only interjecting "I see" or "I understand" here and there. I explained what happened earlier this week and how that led me to Forks General. I told her about James' being nice to me and deciding to bring me here to Seattle. Lastly, I reviewed the earlier events that happened today and how my Dad talked James into leaving so I could talk to Kevin.

"I am scared, Miss Kate…I mean Kate, because I'm not sure how James is going to react once he gets back here. He normally doesn't allow me to have friends or talk to people. He's going to be angry." My voice trembled again from nervousness and a renewed sense of fear. Kevin and I had been here for a while and judging by the text that just popped up on Kevin's phone from my Dad, I knew they were about ready to head back home.

"Jasper, it sounds as if James has been irritable today and violent. I think your assumption might be correct and since you are concerned about time right now, I'm going to recommend that you leave the house, possibly with your brother or your mother. It might be safer for you if you go to a hotel for the night. I can meet you there if you would like."

I panicked. "Kate, I can't do that. I mean, I can but it's just that my sister has planned this huge party for me and our family and friends. They haven't seen me in two years and I really want to be here with them. If I leave, that will create a war between James and my Dad and my Uncle. It will be a blood bath."

"Jasper, do you think James will harm you tonight?"

"He might."

"Then you should leave."

Kevin pointed to himself and made an air circle with his finger to include the rest of the family. He wanted me to tell her that I would be safe with them, and truthfully tonight, I would be if I could stay away from James.

"Um…Kate, what I meant was that I think James will be angry enough to do something, but I will be safe with my family tonight as long as I'm not alone with him. My family is very protective of me and they will protect me. James won't create a scene in front of them."

"Jasper, that is against what I would recommend, but part of this process is allowing you to become self-empowered and to learn to make decisions for yourself. I agree that your family will be a barrier against the abuse for tonight, but what about after the party? How are you planning on telling them? What will be their reaction? How will they proceed? I know these are a lot of questions Jasper, but they are questions that must be considered before tomorrow."

"I don't know." I said honestly. "I'm so scared. I don't know what to do."

She cleared her throat. "Jasper, let's do this. If you think that you will be okay for the tonight, I will strongly recommend that you keep someone you trust close by you not only for the night, but throughout the day tomorrow and at that party. James' jealousy could turn bitter and consequently you could be seriously hurt or worse. I think that if you really want to attend your sister's party, then you should, but I think you and I should meet at a safe location afterwards along with law enforcement and perhaps your parents or your brother. I would not recommend going back with James to Forks. That could potentially be deadly. Your relationship with James is not only toxic, but it's viral. The violence and potential consequences have far reaching arms, and we need to tread carefully here."

"Okay." I said, reading Dad's reply to my message that it was okay to come back. We were almost done.

"I will set up your safe place in Seattle if you can text me your current address. I will arrange for law enforcement to be present and if you can maybe make an excuse to leave the party, for example, tell them you need to go to the store that would be great. James is going to be upset and law enforcement will go to your parents' home and serve him the restraining order. We can have local enforcement set up at your subdivision and be present when James is asked to leave and to make sure your parents' don't kill him first. They would guard your house and make sure he leaves the city. In the meanwhile he will not know where you are and we can work on getting you to a safer, more permanent place from there."

Her plan was crystal clear and made perfect sense, and truthfully, I felt relieved. "Kate, I just don't want James to hurt my family and my friends. He has a gun."

"Most perpetrators do. I will alert enforcement and they will run his permits. Since there will be a restraining order and a domestic violence complaint, they will probably confiscate it temporarily."

_Oh man! James is going to be pissed! He's going to erupt._

"Jasper, I know you are thinking that he will find you, but I assure he won't. Jasper, you have made an important first step by talking to your brother and making this call. If you have an emergency before tomorrow night, call 911. In the event that you don't have an emergency, this is your plan for your immediate safety since you will have to leave quickly. You can call your parents from the hotel or have Kevin drive back when enforcement delivers the restraining order. He can keep them calm and fill them in after James leaves the house."

"In the meanwhile, you need to pack some toiletries and at least one change of clothes. Put it in the vehicle that you will leave in after the party. You'll also need some money, cash only, and I know you probably don't have your important paperwork with you, but we can probably have enforcement escort you back to Forks later to get some of your belongings."

"James would never go for that." I said.

"He won't have a choice. They can arrange for James to not be there so you can go in and get your belongings."

"Where will James go?" I asked.

"Since the level of violence is heightened in your situation, he would be asked to leave with enforcement while you're on the property. Fortunately for you, we have trained officers in Forks who work with same sex violence every day. They will be sympathetic and understanding of your needs and are equipped with the resources to ensure your safety. After you obtain your belongings, you will leave with them."

"Will you be there?" There was no way I was going there alone.

"Yes. I will be there. If you would like, and it will make you feel better, you can bring your brother or your parents. Either way, you will be safe."

"Will James follow us?" I know I was paranoid, but I had to be sure James wasn't going to try to figure out where I was relocated. Disappearing seemed simple enough, but I didn't want to wake up one morning with a gun in my face."

"No. Enforcement will stay with him until we have secured a safe departure from Forks. Once you leave, you will not being going back." She stated firmly. "There will be nothing left for you in Forks."

"No problem there." Then I remembered my friends. "I do have friends there."

"Well you will need to communicate with them by email or phone, but your presence there ceases for a while. Also, you won't be able to disclose your location. James will not give you up without a fight, and if he discovers you're anywhere near Forks, he could really harm you. So that is how that has to be for now."

"Will James go to jail?"

"Well that gets complicated. Maybe…maybe not. I mean, we need some evidence, proof of the abuse, witnesses, maybe Dr. Cullen's report. He's trained in domestic violence treatment and is usually very thorough. I mean, that's a hard one Jasper, and we can discuss that at length tomorrow when we file the report."

"Okay."

"Like I said, we will bring your family and contacts into the loop later on tomorrow night, but it is vital that they be brought up to speed and that they know exactly what has been and what is going on. You have the right to file a police report since you have been abused. We will do that tomorrow during the day. Don't worry. I know a few judges there in Seattle and Forks. We probably can have the report filed in Forks and the emergency order declared there by Judge Henkley as well since that's where you live and the abuse took place there."

"Will I have to go to Forks to file the report?" I asked.

"No. We can do a conference call in the morning. I'll text this phone if that's okay and have you go to a safe location and we can file it over the phone. How does that sound?"

"Sounds okay, I guess."

"Jasper, I know this hard and you are apprehensive about all of this, but trust me, you will be okay. Seattle is a big city. If you allow us to help you, it will be quite hard for him to find you."

"I'm just so worried about my family. I just…"

"Jasper, we will set detail on them. From what you told me, it sounds like that they can stand their own any way. Don't worry. "

"I mean, like if he doesn't go to jail, he'll just be free to look for me out there. I mean if I change my address he can find me on the internet."

"Jasper you don't need to worry about that right now. We have ways to hide you."

"I feel like a prisoner already. James is the one who hurt me, but I feel like my life is going to be uprooted."

"Jasper I have to be honest. It will be. Totally. It may take months of court dates, prosecuting attorney and crime victim advocate meetings before he pleads guilty to aggravated domestic violence and be sentenced."

"James is never going to admit to doing that. He has too much to lose." I asserted.

"That is probably true and that happens more often than not. As a victim of this type of crime, you have the right to tell the sentencing judge how the violence has affected your life and he may be persuaded by your testimony, and any evidence you might have already."

"I don't know." I was so doubtful. Dad sent me a text saying they were about ten minutes away from the house. "My folks are almost back, so I'm going to have to go."

"Okay, that's fine. We'll talk tomorrow. We can review the violence laws of Washington state and sentencing guidelines then. The facts might leave you with a gut wrenching feeling. There are different convictions in the state of Washington, but we will discuss this later. The main thing is that you get out of there after that party."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Try to relax and stay close to your family for the rest of the night. I'll be in touch."

"Okay. Thank you." I said.

"You are more than welcome. Take care."

"You too."

We hung up just as I heard my Dad's SUV pull into the driveway. I gave Kevin his phone back. I peeped out of the curtain and saw them getting out. I drug Kevin downstairs. Our mothers' were nowhere in sight. They did leave a note saying they were next door at Ms. Amy's house and they would be home when Dad came back. I guess they wanted to give us privacy. "Kevin can you go out of the back door and act like you were not here? That will throw James off and he will think you weren't here."

"Hell naw!" He spat. "Fuck that bitch!"

"Please, Kev. You promised you would follow my lead. I ran to lock the front door to give him a chance to get out. "Come back in about fifteen minutes. Make sure you take a shower." I couldn't risk James smelling my scent on him.

He looked confused. I heard voices getting closer. "Kevin, leave! They are almost done with getting the bags out of the car. They will be coming in soon. I'm going to lie on the couch and pretend to be asleep. That's pretty public, and James can't bother me there. He'll think my eyes are puffy from being asleep."

"What about Dad and Uncle JP?" He said from the back door. "Our Moms?"

"They will catch on. See you in a minute." I pleaded with him with my eyes. "Please."

"Jasper, I don't like this."

"I know. I know. Just please...do this for me...please."

He exhaled loudly and left. I had just enough time to unlock the door and jump on the couch. I faced the back of the couch and buried my face in the cushions. I rolled my body in a tight little ball and pretended to be in a deep sleep. The story was that Kevin and I chilled out in the living room for a few minutes then he left to go take shower after his trip. Then I would tell them I decided to take a much needed nap and that Kevin said he would be back soon.

A minute later the door flew open and everyone filed in. I couldn't see their faces, but the boys were super excited about their toys they'd gotten. I was sure that was a stall tactic. Rose was going on and on about the party, and Dad and Uncle Michael were talking about some NFL player. I almost jumped for joy when I heard my grandfather's voice. He must have pulled into the yard when they did. I didn't hear James' voice at all.

"Jasper is sleeping!" Patrick squealed. "Like Goldilocks!" He and Miles giggled and I almost did myself. When all of this drama was cleared, I was going to enjoy spending time with them. They were a lot of fun. I knew by now Dad and Uncle Michael had caught on because we'd been texting them. They were the masters of playing stuff off and acting just plain dumb when they wanted to hide something.

"Jasper, we're back son." Dad nudged me.

"Hmmm." I mumbled and rolled my body tighter.

"Jasper, get up. I'm going to sic two very eager hobbits on you. I'm sure they would love to pull all of that blonde hair or tickle you to death."

He poked me again and I batted his hand away. "Boy get up!"

"Go away." I murmured. He poked me again.

"Move, Jip." Uncle Michael came over to me.

_Oh boy! _

He swatted me on my backside. I threw the pillow aside and turned to face them with perfect "sleepy" eyes. This was a brilliant idea.

"Ow!" I yelped. "Uncle Michael, really?" He and my Dad were standing over me blocking my vision of James. I could only see his legs behind them.

"You want another one?" He asked.

"Um..no." I said.

"Then up and at 'em cowboy!" He said handing me hand so he could pull me up.

The looks on their faces blatantly told me that this was ridiculous and that they were not cool with me asking two grown ass men to play childish games. They were pissed and about one word from turning around and knocking James through that wall. My Dad's suspicions were confirmed and he was very disgruntled by these charades. There was an even greater message on their faces that I unequivocally understood. They wanted me to come clean about my little problem standing behind them. They would play along for now, but they were going to get to the bottom of this. They weren't going to put up with his or my foolishness for too long.

"Hey, Papa!" I greeted him. He came over and hugged me. "I really missed you."

He hugged me back. "I've missed you too. It's so great to see you again."

Without a shadow of a doubt, my grandfather, Uncle Mike's dad, was one of the most influential person in my life. He was more than my surrogate grandfather. He was like a father figure, a mentor, a safeguard, and I'm proud to say, my friend. As a child, there was no safer place than the security of his lap. I would watch horror movies on TV from behind his recliner. The Wolfman wouldn't dream of coming for me there! I could count on him to always have some Werther's Originals candy on hand. He taught me how to appreciate gourmet foods and some good old-fashioned county cooking as well. I remember, at age 5, standing on a chair by the stove as he taught me how to make pancakes. He would often reminisce about his mother, whom he adored, having him stand on a chair stirring cake batter when he was no more than 3 years old.

He was warm, loving, firm, and straightforward. He had a way of accepting whatever came his way with no more than a shrug. His deep faith carried him through what life had to offer. One of three children, he pulled himself out of poverty with great drive and determination but he never forgot his roots. He was a broker and had a head for figures. It was just downright degrading to play dominos with this walking calculator. Before I could put my tile down, he'd tell me my total!

I sat back down and the boys were engaged in some kind of conversation as our mothers walked in. They were busy helping Rosie unpack the bags. My grandfather went into the kitchen to help them. The two men in front of me refused to budge, daring the bitch behind them to even _try_ to make them. I heard him exhale loudly out of pure aggravation that they were in his way. I was sure he'd had enough of their stalling tactics. Finally they bent, and walked into the kitchen. I yawned because I really was exhausted from everything that had happened. I put on my best sleepy moves, rubbing my eyes with my palms, tousling my hair, scratching my arms, you name it. It was a very good act.

I looked up at James and gave him a fake smile. Surprisingly, he returned it and gave no indication that he didn't buy my act.

"Where's Kevin?" Aunt Felicia asked.

"He said he was going to take a shower a while ago. We hung out in here…" I yawned and stretched again for effect. "…we hung out for a few minutes and he said he felt like he needed to get the day off of him. He was taking too long so I must have fallen asleep. He might have too because I haven't seen him since he went home."

Okay, our mothers knew this was not entirely true, but understood if I was lying, then they should follow along and they did. They had a good inclination of what James was doing to me and that I needed protection. Dad and Uncle Michael didn't fail me either. James watched them to see if I was lying, but my family came through for me. They protected me with the fierceness of a lioness protecting her cub. I was going to have to do a lot of explaining.

"I didn't realize you were gone." I lied, standing up to face him. God help me but I cowered in his presence like a scared school boy. "I'm sorry. I would have gone with you."

"I'm a big boy, Jasper. I was perfectly fine." He crossed his arms.

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying that I didn't know if you would be cool with hanging out and all. That's all I meant." I looked at him nervously, trying to get a good read on his mood.

He was aware that he was surrounded by onlookers and listeners who was ready to whip his ass, but I could tell he was really not okay with going to that store with my folks. I was going to get the whipping of my life!

"I'm sorry." I whispered. My family was here, in the room, but so help me God James intimidated the hell out of me.

He smiled. "There's no need to apologize, sweetheart. I love you and I had a great time hanging out. No worries. I even bought you a gift."

_Now you tell me you love me? When you're trying to pull the wool over everyone's eyes? You self-righteous bastard!_

The men and the boys took a seat, and the women went in Mom's room to do something.

"Really?" I asked surprised. "You bought me something?" He must have clued into the fact that my folks were on to him.

He chuckled. "Well, don't act so surprised sweetheart." He laughed and reached out with both hands and stroked me up and down my shoulders. "I buy you things all the time." He seemed a little perturbed by my response, but mostly because I was embarrassing him in front of the guys. "Don't be like that." His eyes told on him, though my folks didn't see them. He was going to make me pay for questioning him like this in public.

"I didn't mean it like that, James. I just wasn't expecting you to buy me something today since you brought me all of those gifts this week. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."

The men just shook their heads, obviously not believing I was bitching out like this. They were so masculine and buff and here I was...a pathetic boy toy for another man. At least this is what my mind told me they were thinking. I should have known better than to think they would think so little of me.

_God this is so embarrassing. Dad raised me to be a man! Not some pink-lacy punk! And then there's Kevin who is all testosterone...and we're the same...we grew up together...they raised us together and out of the two of us, I ended embarrassing my father by becoming someone's little cunt...another man's at that. He didn't mind me being gay, but to let another man truly take 'all' of my manhood...God I wish I could die._

James stared at me and I saw his blue eyes darken. He smiled again. "Oh don't be silly. You haven't offended me babe. I just thought after that incident with that snake you could use some relaxation, so I bought you this." He handed me a fifty dollar iTunes gift card.

"Thank you." I took the card and pretended to read it.

I was weary of him buying me anything after all he'd done to me today. Maybe he was doing like he always did when he hurt me so badly-go buy me something as his way of apologizing. I think it was more so that he was afraid that after everything that happened, and after spending time with Kevin and the others, that I wasn't going to want to go home with him. After all, he had threatened to seclude me forever. I was sure that still stood, but he was trying to coat the situation with a little kindness to make sure I would be a willing participant when we departed on Sunday.

I recalled James' words before we left Forks. _We leave together, we come back together. _It was clear to me now. He was afraid that his actions had caused me to change my mind. He was full of regrets. I was certain of that.

"No problem. I figured you could download more music to your account and unwind a little." He smiled again. "I always know what you need." I felt like I was going to puke. The other guys groaned in disgust. "Don't I?"

I snapped out of it. "Of course, baby." I murmured, thoroughly embarrassed when I heard the guys nearly gag. I didn't even know why I was still trying to be nice to him. "Thanks. I actually did need this. I have like fifty cents in my account." I put it in my back pocket.

"Yeah, I was thinking we could use some easy listening on our way home." He grinned. I trembled again, for God only knows why, and he gave me a sharp look.

There it was. I knew it. He was securing my seat in his car on Sunday. I decided I'd better play along to keep him as calm as possible. James was many things, but dumb was _not_ one of them. He had been too upset with me all day to just let everything go that easily. While he couldn't be certain if I had talked to Kevin, he had a good inclination that I had. He knew Kev and I were close and that I had probably share some things with him. He didn't seem as upset as I thought he would be about going off on that trip, but I didn't want to take any chances.

The guys were sitting with their heads down, scratching and rubbing the back of their heads. They knew James was full of shit, but both held their peace. The boys were laughing and horse playing with each other. I was glad when Patrick darted between us and created a diversion. James was very perceptive, and I wasn't so sure that I could pretend that I was going back with him.

"Jasper, guess what?" He squeaked standing between me and James who was quite discomposed by the unwanted and sudden appearance of my smallest brother. That also caught the attention of the other men in the room. James made some kind of growling noise and I almost shot him a nasty look but Uncle Mike piped up.

"What the hell?" He flexed his shoulders and we looked in his direction. "...did you just growl at my son?" If there was one thing I knew about my Uncle, he was extremely territorial. He did not play when it came to his children. If you wanted to get your ass beaten...mess with his queen or any of his five princes. He wasted no time in checking James. I had to admit that I was impressed and jealous of his boldness. He was forthcoming and did not hesitate to let my husband know what time it was. James got that message loud and clear. Uncle Mike would pulverize him if he even _thought_ about doing something to his kid. He showed absolutely no fear and I secretly wished I could have that kind of fearlessness with James.

I quickly looked at James who looked taken aback. He seemed nervous and like he was thinking about snapping on my uncle, but held his peace. I was sure he would take that out on me later as well. His semi-frown quickly dissolved into a smile. "Of course not, Michael. He just startled me that's all." He chuckled but Uncle Mike and my Dad stared at him like they were ready to punch him in his face. Papa was calm as always. "He's fine." I knew James was lying. He really did growl at that kid and Uncle Mike knew it as well.

Uncle Michael adjusted his neck and looked at his son. He didn't crack a smile. "Patrick, get somewhere and sit down. Better yet... go in the kitchen with your Mama."

"But, Daddy..." He looked at his father and held his palms out.

"What did I say, Patrick?" He knew his father was about business so he wasted no time running into the kitchen to find his mother. Uncle Michael fearlessly turned his attention back to my husband. "Don't fuck with him like that again." Again I was amazed.

"Michael." Papa extended his arm to interrupt him. Uncle Mike looked over at him and rolled his eyes. He always deferred to his Dad, whom he respected more than any other person alive.

"It's cool. No harm no foul." James said. He knew he'd pissed my uncle off so he tried to sugar coat his mess.

Uncle Michael looked at his father again and grunted. My father laughed almost to himself. They were grown, but they hated when he went all fatherly on them. "James, I will beat your ass about my kids. You don't wanna go there." My father chuckled again and shook his head mainly because he knew my uncle meant every bold word that he spoke.

James was visibly annoyed by his threats. "My apologies." He raised the palms of his hands. "There's no need for threats." His eyes blackened and his face was red as fire. He was mad and probably mostly because he couldn't slap me right then for what my uncle had just said to him. What a coward!

Aunt Felicia came into the living room when she heard the commotion. She was exquisite with all of that silky jet black hair and caramel colored skin draping her curvy hips and powerhouse frame. As Uncle Mike would say, she was a "bad mama jama." He had no complaints with her. Her baby was on her heels crying and she was ready to pounce on someone about messing with him. She looked to her husband for an explanation.

"What's going on?" She asked with her hands on her hips. "What happened with Patrick and why is he crying?"

"I just wanted to tell Jasper something, Mommy." Patrick said holding his little hands to his lips. I watched James from the side of my eye. He was rubbing his forehead.

Uncle Michael scratched his head. "Well, you tell him from over there and stay away from James."

"Michael don't be rash. I said it was cool." James interjected.

My uncle looked at his wife. "He's good, baby."

"Why is he crying then?" She asked. She shot James a nasty look. "What did you do to him?" Wow…my aunt…a female…had more courage to stand up to James than I did. Could I get any lower?

James raised his hand. I knew my husband well enough to know that he did not appreciate her challenging him like that. He couldn't stand for women to "leave their place." I'd seen him very nastily put women back in their 'place' for saying less than she did to him. His blue eyes were piercing as he watched her from across the room.

"Nothing. It's all just a misunderstanding." He told her.

"Hmm. Doesn't look like a misunderstanding to me." She looked at Uncle Michael for reassurance.

"No worries, bae." He stood and walked over to her as we looked on. He gently placed his hand on her lower back and pulled her to him. "He's good, sweetheart." He kissed the top of her head.

"What did he do to him?" Her words were slightly muffled against his muscle-ripped chest. She was genuinely concerned about the possibility that my deranged husband had somehow manage to harm her little one. She knew James' history of domestic violence with me, but she wasn't having him touching her son. "Why did you tell him to stay away from James?"

"It's nothing, bae. I got it handled." He kissed head again and pulled back. "Go relax with the girls. Patrick is good."

She looked doubtful. "Are you sure?"

He tapped her nose with his finger. "It's straight. No worries."

She motioned for Patrick to come to her. He did and she embraced him. Satisfied that he was alright, she went back in the kitchen, but not before shooting James another nasty look. He gave her a bone chilling, 'bitch I will hide your body look' as she walked away, but just stood there as silently as he could with his arms crossed defensively over his chest. He was done. Unfortunately for him, my uncle saw him. It took mere seconds for Uncle Mike to fly around the couch. My Dad saw him coming and quickly jumped in his way. He was coming for James.

"Move Jip." His voice was forceful as he zeroed in my dear hubby.

"Michael, that's enough." Papa told him, standing beside them. "You need to calm yourself.

Uncle Mike ignored him and my Dad gripped his shirt tightly. Understandably, it was a struggle for him to hold Uncle Mike because he was significantly stronger than he was. They knew that it was about to get ugly in this house.

"Mickey!" He fought against my Dad. "Let it go, man."

My uncle never broke eye contact with James. "I'm good, Jip. Let me go."

James stood there glaring at him. I had already backed myself right out of the way. There was no way I was getting caught up in that ass whipping. I was sure James would tie me four ways for not jumping in and stopping my uncle.

"Michael?" Papa gently placed his hand on his arm. "Did you hear me?"

"I'm good, Dad. I'm good." My Dad let him go, but my uncle managed to swerve around him and swung at James. James retracted, narrowly missing that blow to his face. He tried to square off with Uncle Mike, my Dad jumped between them. "You look at _my_ wife like that again, you little bitch; I swear to God I will put a bullet straight through your fucking head."

_Wow. And he meant that._

"Michael, I meant no disrespect to your wife." He told him. "But if you want to go head to head we can do that."

_Really James? That would be like The Hulk and Papa Smurf. You're laughable._

Uncle Mike pushed forward, moving my father with him. James backed up, causing my Dad to fall backwards on the arm of the couch with my uncle in a vice grip. He'd locked his arms around Uncle Mike's torso in a last ditch effort to keep him from beating the crap out of James.

"JIP! Let me go, man." My Dad might not have been as strong, but he was certainly strong enough. He did a pretty good job at restraining his brother.

"No."

"I'm not playing Jip. I swear to God I am going to beat this mother fu-"

"Michael, go outside. Please." Papa was still trying to calm him down, but he was furious. Dad pushed his brother backwards, but he resisted him. "I mean it, Michael. Don't let him get to you. You are better than this."

Dad strained against him and this was slowly starting to become a losing battle for him. "Let's…go…Mickey!" He gritted his teeth as he tightened his grip and struggled to keep his balance.

"Jip, ain't no way in hell I'm going to stand here and let this little fairy talk to me like this."

"Fairy? Is that your best, Michael?" James jeered.

"Let it go, Michael." Papa told him. Dad was barely keeping himself upright as he tried his best to keep my uncle from doing the deed. "Ignore him and let's go."

"Dad! Please!" He tried to shake my father off of him. "I'm good Jip. Let me go." He told him. I scanned the room and noticed that the women had taken the minor children outside so they couldn't witness any of this commotion. "Jip…move…out…the…way!"

"No. Let's go."

I was again pricked by jealousy. These men were fearlessly standing their own. They were fighting to protect what was dear to them without fear or remorse. I didn't have that right. James had taken that too. If I even cared enough to _want _to fight for my husband, I was too afraid to do so because of fear that James would beat me for thinking he wasn't able to fend for himself. Then on the other hand, I was scared he'd beat for not standing up for him. What a mess!

"I said I'm good, Jip!" He yelled. "Now get off me!"

Papa wasn't having that. "And I said let's go cool off. Now Michael!" Yep. My Papa knew how to handle him, and as much as my father wanted to hand James his ass, he didn't want to give James a reason to claim assault or worse, and to have his brother end up in jail again. They loved him and they knew that Uncle Mike respected them and would eventually calm down and listen to them.

It took several more minutes for my uncle to finally break eye contact with the only person in the room with a death wish. He looked at me standing there shaking and scared to death. His expression softened with pure love for me and the look in his eyes told me that he was sorry that I was hurting. He calmed down after seeing me and pulled out of my Dad's grip to walk over to me. My Dad and Papa stayed by his side. James stood red and huffing in full view of the transaction that was taking place.

My Uncle placed one hand on the side of my neck and pulled me into his space. We stared at each other for a minute and I knew that he felt nothing but love for me. His eyes told me to cut the bullshit and demanded that I tell him the truth. I was shaking. Not because of what he would do to me, but what could happen to me when all of this was over. Tears immediately covered my face and that pissed my Uncle off even more because he understood the words that were not being spoken. He easily interpreted and intercepted my fear.

"Talk to me baby boy."

I shook my head a little and tried to gain control. I heard James say _"he's far from anyone's baby."_ I willed myself not to look in his direction.

"Jasper, I'm done with the bullshit." He said to me still cradling my face in his hand. I nodded and he caressed my cheek with his thumb. "Talk to me, Jasper."

I somehow found my voice, and immediately lied to protect everyone. "I'm fine, Uncle Mike." I cleared my throat. "I'm okay."

His eyes were saddened. "Jasper, don't play with my. When have I ever been stupid to you?"

"I'm not playing Uncle Mike." I shifted nervously. He felt me shaking.

"You must think I'm crazy."

"No, sir, I don't."

"Jasper, all you have to do is tell me the truth and that bastard will pay for everything he's done to you."

I was speechless.

"You are just as much my son as the other boys are." He choked up for a minute and quickly reigned in his emotions. "I love you Jasper."

More tears fell as the contents of his heart fell on my ears.

"Is…he…hurting…you?" He asked point blankly. "You don't have to be afraid to tell me."

"Okay this has gone too far. Jasper, go get our belongings. I think it's time for us to leave." James move towards me but stopped abruptly when my uncle moved towards him. I froze. After all that had happened, there was no way I could leave with him. I would turn up dead by morning.

"Jasper, please do as I have asked and go upstairs and retrieve our bags. I'm done with this idiocy."

"I don't give a flip what you are done with." Uncle Mike told him. "Jasper isn't going anywhere. You don't own him, and I'd like to see you try to make him do something that he doesn't want to."

James straightened his shirt. "Jasper." He was waiting for me to comply. I was absolutely frozen with fear. "I won't ask you again."

"The hell?" My Dad and Uncle said at the same time. They looked at each in complete shock. Even Papa looked taken aback. It was evident that they couldn't believe James was punking me like this. "Who in the hell does he think he is?"

I decided to do what James said to keep this impending war from finally breaking out. "It's okay Uncle Mike. Dad. Papa. It's all good."

James smirked, happy that even with my three bodyguards, he still could exert complete control over his boy.

"Hell, no, Jasper!" My Dad's voice was softer than that of my uncle, but just as solid and direct. "You are not his child. You are a man. He has no right to treat you any different than the grown man you are! Don't stand there and let him treat you like his trash!"

"Dad, it's alright. Jay and I just need to talk."

Papa looked sadly at me. "Jasper…"

"Papa, I will be alright." I lied. "No worries."

"Jasper, that mother fucker is under my skin in the worst way. He's standing here commanding you do stuff. What in the?" My Dad shook his head. He looked at my uncle.

"Bullshit." Uncle Mike ground his fists together.

"Jasper and I are just fine." I looked over at my husband who was still glowing with the satisfaction that he'd 'won.' "Aren't we babe?"

I swallowed when I saw the deception behind his eyes. I nodded. "Yeah…Yes of course. No prob."

My folks sighed, but Uncle Mike wasn't finished. He was not content with my willingness to submit to James' tyranny.

"Jasper?" He asked me not taking his eyes off James.

"Yes, sir?"

"Would you like to stay at my house tonight?" He asked. Now he was really trying to get me lynched.

"Thank you for offering Michael, but _my _husband will be fine here with me. Or better yet in _our_ car on the way back to _our_ home where we belong." James seethed.

Uncle Mike glared at him. "Jasper is _not_ leaving with you. Not tonight, tomorrow, or Sunday."

"We will see about that." James challenged. "Jasper, I said I was ready to go."

"And I said he isn't going anywhere." He instinctively pushed me directly behind him as if shielding me from my enemy.

"Jasper, you have a second to do as I ask. I am sick of this!"

"Jay it's late." I leaned around my uncle so he could see my face. "Why don't we all just go to sleep? We can leave tomorrow." James shot me a nasty look. How dare I defy him?

"What did I say, Jasper?" I instantly recoiled.

"Well, Jasper is certainly not leaving with you. I've got a huge party planned for him and he has to be there so you can just go screw yourself." Rosie came downstairs and interrupted this little showdown. Her hair was wet from her shower and she was dressed in an old pink tank top and some grey yoga pants.

James sighed. "Jasper, let's go."

"Bye." Rosie stopped in front of him next to our uncle. Everyone knew she couldn't stand him either and she didn't even try to hide it. "You are free to go any time you get ready. There's the door."

James smirked again and inched towards her. She didn't back down. I had no doubt she would jump on him in a heartbeat if he tried her. "Oh, I am definitely ready, but I will not be leaving here without my husband."

She pushed her body almost flushed with his. I was sure he could feel her breathing on him. My uncle and my dad were standing guard. The sight of the three of them facing off with him should have been comforting for me I guess. However, it was just the opposite. They had no idea what they were setting me up for.

"You ain't taking him with you. Not fight without a fight." She was bold…fearless.

He scoffed at her threats. "Don't you have something else to do little girl besides minding my business?"

"Yeah, I got something to do. Like whipping your ass if you touch my brother."

He laughed at her. Truthfully if I wasn't such a wuss, I would have found the humor in her threats too. She probably couldn't take James, but she would surely give him a decent run for his money.

He glared at her. "Go away." He threatened.

"Or…_what_?" She didn't back down.

He didn't budge. He laughed and shook his head. "Little girl…back off." He brushed his blonde hair out of his eyes. I saw my Dad flex his fists.

"Rosalie, princess, that is enough." Papa spoke softly to her.

"No worries, Papa. I can handle him." She told him. "He likes to try to intimidate people."

James scoffed at her confidence. "You do humor me, little pet."

"You wish." She said.

"Sweetheart, _if_ I preferred the um…_softer_ sex…you would never be in my league. Not even close." He laughed again when she shot him the finger. "Very well then." He turned his attention to me. "Jasper I will be upstairs packing. Don't make me wait."

They all looked at me. I didn't know what to do. My mother cleared her throat to let us know she was in the room. We hadn't realized that she'd come in at some point. Aunt Felicia and her boys were still outside. She was still protecting them from all of this confusion.

"Nobody's leaving." She spoke softly. "No one."

"Lizzie?" My Dad started to protest but she held her and to stop him. "James has gotta go."

"No." She shook her head and wiped tears from her face. She walked over to my father who looked tenderly upon her. She was his queen. "JP, I'm tired of all of this. I want Jasper here with us tonight. It's been a long time since we've seen him and I just want to enjoy our time together and not waste it with all of this foolishness. Please put an end to this now."

He nodded and smiled at her. "Of, course." He faced James. "James, get your shit and get out."

"No, just let him stay." She begged him. "If his leaving means Jasper has to go, then let him stay. Jasper will be okay here."

"Jasper doesn't have to go, sweetheart." He told her. "James can go straight to hell."

"JP, Liz is right." Papa stated pulling her to him. He was so loving towards his daughters. "Everyone needs to go somewhere and calm down." They all protested. "I mean it. You are all acting like children. We are done with this. You have upset these women and the boys and it makes no sense for adults to be fighting and carrying on like this. Now, I don't know what's going on with James and Jasper, but I do have a pretty good idea. Michael and JP I know ya'll are itching for a fight, but I don't want to hear or see any more of this carrying on tonight. Enough is enough."

"Jasper?" My Dad asked. "Do you want to stay here?"

I squirmed in my spot, unsure of how to handle this. If I went with James, I was dead. If I stayed I was safe. I wanted to stay but what would James do? I walked over to him but knew better than to touch him.

"Jay, can we stay please?" I asked him. I felt so tiny and small. This was so humiliating to have to reduce myself to a mere child in front of my family. Surprisingly, they didn't judge or mock me. All it did was piss them off. They were mad at the fact that James' put me in this position.

He just stood there glowering at me. He was gravely silent. I'd seen James' in all kinds of raging fits, but this time he seemed eerie almost as if he was warning me of my grim fate. He balled his lips and sealed my decision to stay when I saw the look on his face. There was no telling what he would do to me if I left.

"Hey everybody." The front door suddenly opened and Kevin's other two brothers, Saye and Levi walked in. Everyone greeted them back. Kevin was with them. He looked at me with questioning eyes. I nodded to let him know I would fill him in later.

"Hey fellas." I greeted them and hugged both of them. "It's great to see you guys."

"Hey Jasper." They said in unison.

"Is that your car outside, Jasper?" Saye asked.

"Yeah. That's sweet." Levi said. "It looks almost like Daddy's."

James huffed. He'd probably trade it in for the simple fact that my uncle, his newfound enemy, had one similar to it. After all, how could my uncle even afford one?

"Um…no…it's James.'" I said.

They looked innocently at my husband. "It's nice."

He eyes were pure evil when he smiled at those boys. "Why thank you. Maybe we can take it for a spin tomorrow." I looked nervously at Uncle Mike, Dad, and Kevin. I knew damn well that they were not letting him get near their boys.

"Cool!" They said and when out back when they heard their brothers by the pool.

James went upstairs. I refused to go with him out of sheer fear. We quickly brought Kevin up to speed, and he like everyone else just added one more ass whipping to James' list. About an hour and a half later, Kevin and my parents starting setting up the cards so we could run a few hands of "Spades." That would keep me up for a while and maybe James would go to sleep.

Well, about four hours, several beers, and lots of laughter later, we had had our fill of fun. It was great laughing and playing with them. We temporarily forgot about my troubles and what had transpired earlier. Not only was I nervous for the escape Kate and I had planned, but I was nervous about Edward Cullen possibly attending the party. Rosie still hadn't reached him and wasn't so sure if she could.

Papa retired first, citing he had to calm Grandma before she went sleep. She was off with some church thing. Miles and Patrick had fallen asleep. Dad helped Uncle Mike get them in the car, and their parents took them home with the promise to see us again the next day. Kevin point blankly stated that he wasn't ready to leave yet and that he wanted to hang out. Saye and Levi stayed with us for a little while, but they eventually left. My parents finally turned in. James had pretty much stayed out of sight, but came down when he heard my parents go to bed. We just acted like he wasn't there.

James sat there and listened to us talk about our lives. We never mentioned anything that happened today and acted as cool as we possibly could. We talked about everything under the sun and James didn't budge even though he was falling asleep. We purposefully didn't include him in on the conversation because we wanted him to be bored out of his mind so he could take his ass to bed. He'd already asked me earlier if I was ready to go, and Kevin pretended to complain about us not getting to talk. James must have been too tired to resist him because he just sat there quietly waiting for me to get tired enough to go to bed. Kevin and I finally started falling asleep and James asked me again if I was coming. I told him to go ahead without me. That didn't set well with him, but he was so sleepy and tired that he offered no resistance to my delay. Eventually Kevin and I fell asleep on the couches until the next morning.

I didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but one thing I did know that this time tomorrow night, James Hale would no longer be in control of my life. As a matter of fact, tonight would be the last night for many things, mainly the last night for Jasper Whitlock to be a spitting target and punching bag to a man who didn't love him.

God help me. Please. Amen.

A/N: I don't know about ya'll but I can't wait for them to beat James' ass. I wanted so badly to unleash them…but not yet.


	14. Chapter 14 Enough Is Enough

A/N: **Character names and Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. This story and it's plot and character variations belong to me. No infringement intended. I only own the errors. This story contains sexual explicit and mature language and situations. IF you don't like, don't read. Not for children under age 18.**

Well it has been a while since I updated this story. A recent case of mine renewed my interest in getting the message out there to stop domestic violence. This story is angsty and rough. I know that, but the reality is that so many people live in this type of situation every day and worse. You can make a difference. Please get involved in your local domestic violence initiative and give a voice to people who may not have one. There are Jaspers everywhere, but there are also Kates, Kevins, and parents and uncles and family…people who can help the victims of DV and FV. Thank you all for reading and making your mark in the lives of others.

Jasper's POV

The house was totally dark when I opened my eyes. I looked over and saw Kevin sound asleep on the couch across from me. He looked so peaceful as I listened to the gentle humming of his breathing. He was still dressed in his jeans and polo, but he seemed very comfortable. He had a blanket over him almost exactly like the one I had over me. One of my parents must have gotten up sometime after we fell asleep and covered us up. That's what I missed…the love and care that was always shown even in the smallest things. I needed that security in my life again.

I decided to get up to go to the bathroom and nearly jumped out of my pants when I turned and saw James sitting in an empty chair behind me. It was dark but I could see that he was not happy about me sleeping downstairs instead of in our room. I didn't move but just stood there watching him. I quickly glanced back at my brother who was sleeping like a baby and then back at James. I was afraid to move, but I knew that if James tried to hurt me, I could scream and Kevin and my parents would immediately come to my rescue. Nevertheless, I stood there trembling in fear for what he might do to me because of everything that had happened today.

"James?" I whispered. He remained silent as a church mouse. "What's going on?"

I eyed him carefully and he moved and I noticed something shiny in his hand when he moved. I couldn't make out what it was, but whatever it was made me extremely nervous.

"Going somewhere?" He asked. Kevin stirred a little but remained asleep.

"I was just going to the bathroom." I explained in an even lower voice.

He just glared at me in the darkness. James was so jealous hearted. He would rather sacrifice his sleep in a comfortable bed and sit in a dark room and watch me sleep. I glanced towards my parents' bedroom and wondered if their door was locked. It probably wasn't. My father was not a hard sleeper and I was sure if he heard anything he would be up in a flash.

I swear James' ocean blue eyes blended perfectly in the darkness. He was enraged. I walked towards the bathroom and he stood up causing me to stop dead in my tracks. We squared off and I finally saw what was in his hand. It was his gun.

My whole body began to quiver in total fear. I was overcome with terror of what he was about to do. I froze. I wanted to scream out but was afraid that Kevin would wake up and he would hurt him or that my father would come out of the room and he'd shoot him or something. I swallowed hard as my biggest fear began to materialize right in front of me.

He didn't say a word and I didn't either. Kevin was still breathing softly, inches away from James who held a lethal weapon in his hand. James didn't take his eyes off of me and he took a step towards me and I saw that he was crying.

_What the hell? What is going on?_

"Walk with me Jasper." His voice was hardly a whisper. I was afraid for my life but I had to get him out of this house before he snapped and harmed the people who loved me the most…who were near and dear to my heart.

I reluctantly nodded and we headed to the laundry room and exited quietly out the side door. He followed me out and gently closed the door behind me. I stood still in front of the door and he step down in front of me. He still had tears tracking down his face as I gawked at him in pure confusion. I was still half asleep and had no clue what was happening right then. I decided to tread lightly because he seemed unusually emotional and unstable. I'd never in my life saw him cry…never.

"James? What's wrong, baby?" I asked. Surprisingly I was genuinely concerned…more so for my own well-being, but he was really freaking me out.

"I'm sick, Jasper." He whispered.

I gawked at him again not knowing how to respond to his confession. I'd always suspected that there was something terribly wrong with James. I just couldn't accept that he'd always been this completely insane. I was stunned into silence—totally speechless.

He sniffled and wiped his nose with the hand that held his gun. "I need help." He whispered. He bowed his head and tears fell on his hand. I was still frozen in front of him with my arms dangling at my sides. "Jazzy," He sobbed harder.

I truly didn't know what to do. My husband, the man who had put me through the worse torture of my life, was standing here with a gun in his hand telling me he needed help? What in the hell was going on? What was I supposed to do? Who was this man? What made him tick? Was it possible that he was just a 'normal' person who suddenly became abusive? Could he be helped and would he stop abusing me or would it likely just get worse? I was confused as all get out. Was he suffering from mental illness or some kind of personality disorder?

James certainly didn't fit the public definition of a monster. He didn't walk around with a big A for 'abuser' on his forehead, nor was he easily discernible by anyone 'normal' or complied with the stereotypical image. In fact the problem with him that I'd encountered as well as my friends and family was just how 'normal' he seemed. He was so far removed from any images of perpetrators that were so frequently portrayed by the media. In a truth, there were no definite criteria that he fit.

"James, I,"

"Jasper," He sobbed in his hand. "I love you. I'm in love with you. I've always been in love with you."

I shook my head completely baffled. _Seriously?_

"I know I hurt you so badly Jasper. I didn't mean it. It's the demons…they…they make me do crazy things." He reached out and grabbed my wrists and I cringed when the coolness of the steel touched one of my hands.

"James, baby? Why do you have this gun?" I asked softly. I was extremely uncomfortable with him standing that close to me with that gun in his hand.

"Jazzy, I don't want to live without you. I can't live with you." He put his forehead on mine. I was unsure about his mental stability right then. What was he saying? Did he want to harm himself or me?

"James, baby, what do you mean?" I asked not making any sudden movements for fear he would lose it right there and pop me or him with a bullet.

"Jazzy, I saw the look in your eyes. I'm not stupid. I know you want to leave me. For who? Kevin? I saw how you are around him…"

I was appalled. "No, James…Kevin is like a brother to me. I don't want him like that."

"You spent time with him, Jazzy." He sniffled again. "I saw it in your eyes. You'd rather be with him…all of them…you're not happy with me. You don't want me anymore. I don't make you happy the way that they do."

I swallowed hard and barely breathed as he moved closer to my body. He wrapped his arms around me and I kept my arms at my sides. I must have looked like a ragdoll standing there.

"Jazzy, I won't live without you. We made vows to one another. I know I'm sick. I can get help. Just please, please tell me you love me Jazzy and you only want to be with me. Please."

"James, I,"

"Jasper, I know I hurt you badly yesterday, but you kept tempting me…torturing my demons." He said. So he was really standing here pleading with me to profess my love for him, but at the same time blaming me for his abuse? He was so full of shit. He didn't mean any of this. He was just trying to make me feel sorry for him so that I would tell him that I would go back home with him. He just wanted to trap me so he could take me away from everyone who loved and supported me. James didn't love me. This was just another control tactic.

He squeezed me harder when I didn't respond to him. "James, ow, baby you're hurting me." He squeezed harder and breathed heavily on my face. His tears wet my face. "Jay—you're hurting me baby." I told him again. I was trying to coat my words in an effort to try to keep him calm.

"Jasper, I need you. I need for you to tell me you only want me. That you're mine." He offered more of that control shit. He pressed the gun to my back. "Please tell me."

"I'm yours." I lied. I'd stopped being his a long time ago.

"Jasper, I want to go home. Let's go home, baby, please. I promise I won't hit you again. I'll never hurt you again, baby, just please let's just leave so we can be together again, just the two of us."

"Jay, it's four in the morning." I told him. There was no way in hell I was leaving with him acting like this. For all I knew, he would take me down the road and shoot me or something. "We will wake everybody up."

"Jasper I just…I know you love me…right baby?"

I swallowed a very thick lump that formed in the hollow of my throat. "Of course."

"I don't want to stay for a party. I don't want to be here. I just need to be with you." He pulled away from and put his hand to my heart. "I broke your heart. I will make it up to you baby."

_Liar!_

Even though I knew he was lying, I felt empowered by his begging and pleading. For once, he needed something from me. Be it unhealthy, he needed me in his life.

"James do you really believe that the things you have been doing to me qualifies you as an abuser?" I asked, surprised by my confidence. I knew he was pulling my chain, but I wanted to see if his sorry ass would have the guts to confess it or not.

"Jasper, I know I'm rough with you, but it's the way I show you love. I just want you to know that you are mine and no one else's. If you think I've been abusing you, I'm sorry. Sometimes love is rough."

I almost slapped him right then. If he hadn't of had that gun in his hand I would have. This low down mother fucker just takes the sweetness right out of the honey bun. _If I think he's been abusing me…you god damn right you have and you know it! _

"Do you think I have been abusing you, Jazzy?" He looked at me sternly and his eyes seemed to darken again. "Hmmm?"

My body quaked a little, but I steadied myself. I needed to say this to him. I had reasonably deducted by now that he was not going to slap the shit out of me so I had to take full advantage of the unusual opportunity he was giving me.

"Jay, I'm only asking because the things you do to me and your attitude towards me is not the same as it is towards other people. You hurt me in the worse ways Jay."

He rolled his tongue in his mouth and crossed his arms listening to me. I could clearly see his face under the soft light of the full moon. As I watched the stars twinkling without a care in the world, he just stared at me.

"And you don't think you deserve any of that Jasper?"

I shook my head humbly, still careful not to buck too hard against him.

"What about today? I asked you to do one simple thing in the car and you refused to do it."

"_Refused_? James, I was crying because some little bitch was disrespecting me as your husband and you let him."

"He was harmless."

"Whatever." I murmured. He looked pissed by my attitude but reined it in. He still needed to be nice to me in order to coax me back home with him.

"And Jasper you pushed me in the yard."

"That was only after you kept jacking me around, James." My eyes started to sting and my throat became heavy when I recalled how badly he'd beaten me in Ms. Amy's back yard.

"You know better than to go there, Jazz." He stated point blankly.

"_Know_ _better_? See that's what I'm talking about, Jay. You treat me like dirt."

He snarled almost to himself and my boldness gradually started to fizzle. "So you are saying that our relationship is an unhealthy one?"

I nodded but didn't saying anything when I saw his face hardened. "But I mean you do a lot of nice things for me Jay. I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything. I'm just tired of being hit."

"So you do want to leave." He looked down at his gun and ran his finger over it.

"I didn't say that." I quickly inserted that response. "I was just saying that because you hurt me today and other days."

He paused in thought for a couple of minutes and I took a moment to inhale the fresh air. "So tell me, Jasper, since you have all the answers and you seem to be a guru about what's wrong with James and not Jasper…"

"Jay, it's not like that. I-"

"Tell me Jasper. What's wrong with me?"

I just shook my head. James was hopeless. He couldn't even have a decent conversation about this with me. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"That was not a request." And there he was. The James I knew. Demanding my subservience to him. I bit my lip and tried not to become emotional. "Go on. I'm listening smart guy."

I exhaled knowing full well how this was going to end if I didn't give into what he wanted. "Well James, maybe you could ask yourself some questions."

He frowned and gave me the death look.

I extended my hands out. "What I mean is that maybe you…" I swallowed. "I mean, would you treat your boss like you treat me? The neighbors? If someone was treating your family like that would it be okay?"

He didn't say a word for what seemed like several minutes. "Jasper, I'm sorry that you think your life is so fucked up. Maybe you do need to leave if you feel that way." He waved his gun in my face. "Maybe I need to help you leave."

"Jay, calm down. I know you are good to me." I gently pushed his hand down out of my face. I was still trying my best to keep him cool as possible because he was quite unpredictable at the moment.

"But yet you stand here telling me that you think my behavior is unreasonable and abusive. You've never left me."

_That's because I'm afraid you'll kill me._

"It can't be all that bad. You've never even threatened to leave me. If I'm being so nasty to you, then why wouldn't you just leave? You've had plenty of opportunity."

I just stood their staring at him like he'd kicked me in my groin. "I couldn't leave."

He smirked. "Then stop complaining. It's not as bad as you try to make it out to be."

_The hell you say!_

"Anything else you need to tell me Einstein?"

"No, sir." I said.

"You sure?" He mocked. He was so fucking unbelievable.

"I'm sure."

First of all, James had to realize that some of his actions and attitudes towards me as his husband were abusive. Point blank. He had to make the most important first step towards change in order for our marriage to work, and that was taking responsibility for his actions. He wasn't willing to do that which was going to make my decision to leave him so much easier. We would never be able to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship because of his blatant denial of his insane abuse. He wasn't going to admit wrongdoing because that would be difficult and painful to realize that he was hurting me, the man he was supposed to love. He was the only person who could make a difference in his life.

One of the main problems with repeat abusers like him and perpetrators was that they were always in denial of the abusive nature of their actions. He truly denied that what he was doing was having a real effect on me. He wouldn't even be able to receive help from his friends or even from professionals like Kate because he was unwilling to change. Unfortunately for him, I'd decided that I'd been his punching bag long enough. By God's grace, I was going to get away from him as soon as I could.

"I don't want to argue with you Jazzy." He stroked my arm sending eerie chills down my spine. "It seems that all we do lately is argue. Come to bed and let me love you."

_Um…no._

He noticed my hesitation and frowned. "Or would you rather sleep downstairs and get off by watching that little prick sleeping on the couch."

My eyes gaped.

"I saw you watching him."

"James, I wasn't-"

He jerked towards me but I backed away. "Don't you dare lie to me, Jasper."

Okay so this was about to get out of hand. I immediately softened my voice and hugged him. I rested my head on his chest though it made my stomach knot to do so. I knew from experience that I had to play the game his way to keep from getting hurt. This was what he liked.

"See you're tempting me again, Jasper."

"I love you James." I murmured against his chest. He smelled clean as if he'd showered before he went to bed. Holding him like this was bittersweet. A part of me missed all of the times when I held him like this and he returned my love. The other side of me couldn't take anymore bruises, so being this close to him was revolting.

He relaxed a little. "You're mine, Jasper."

"All yours." I could have cried for what was lost right then. He'd made such a mess of things.

"So if I agree to let you stay for this party, will you leave without a ruckus on Sunday? Your folks seem like they are itching for a fight. I would hate to have to give it to them."

I just rolled my eyes and kept my face plastered to his chest. He had no idea what they would do to him and I wasn't even feeling up to explaining it to him.

"Sure." I lied. "No worries."

He tightened his hold on me making it a little uncomfortable to breathe. I tried to pull back but couldn't because he had me in a vice grip. "Did you tell Kevin anything?"

I swallowed. "No, baby." I was becoming the master of lying. "Our business is our business. Kevin doesn't need to know what we do."

He was silent for a few minutes and finally relaxed his grip on me and pulled back so that he could see my face.

"I'm going to get help, Jazzy."

_Lies and more lies. _I just nodded.

"I really am. You'll see. And you too."

_Self-righteous…_

"I was thinking I would love for us to have a baby, Jazzy."

_Not on your fucking life!_

"Wouldn't that be great?"

I feigned happiness. "Yeah…sure baby." He grinned. "I would love to have children with you."

"I was thinking about calling Selena as soon as we get back so we can talk to her about getting started."

I faked a smile and nodded. "That will be great. Selena is a good woman."

"Good." He pulled my chin up with his finger and kissed me on the lips. He gently pulled me on the side of the house behind a hedge. I knew there wouldn't be another scene like it was earlier because now everyone was home and would hear, but I still wanted to avoid getting choked or silently beaten. I was not feeling up to this with him but I kissed him back since we were somewhat secluded now.

"Can I have you tonight, Jazzy?" _So now he's asking me? Do I really have a choice?_

"Baby, as much as I would love that…" He squatted on his heels and started massaging my cock. It did nothing for me. After a few minutes he stopped.

"What's the matter, baby? You're not enjoying me?"

_Fuck no!_

"No, no, baby it's not that. I'm just really tired and sleepy. Besides it's cold out here."

He looked perturbed. "Well let's go upstairs and I'll help you warm up."

I knew better than to argue further with him. If I told him I wanted to stay downstairs, he would get angry. We went back into the house and I looked over at my brother who was still sleeping like a baby. I followed James upstairs where he was standing at the door waiting for me.

He smiled closing and locking the door behind us and despite me telling him I was tired, wasted no time grabbing my ass. He guided me to the floor and got on top of me. He started grinding his rod against me and stifled his pleasure.

"You like that baby?" He asked huskily in my ears, his voice barely audible. "You always like my cock, don't you sweetheart."

It was hopeless. He would get what he wanted regardless. After all, I was his little bitch…good for nothing but spreading wide for him. I consent to his desire by not resisting when he forcefully pulled my pants down. I swear he got off on this aggression thing. He pulled them to my knees.

"That's it baby." He whispered. "Raise that ass for daddy."

_This is so disgusting._

I heard him open some lube and before long he was inside of me. He lowered us both back to the floor, and began to thrust forcefully inside of me. He held his hand of over my mouth while burying is face in the side of my neck. It hurt both physically and emotionally for him to take me this way after what he'd done to me. My tender cries were silence by the force of his hand over my mouth as he continued take ownership of me once again. Warm tears fell onto his hand as he held me down and that made him pump harder. I'd never known James to be this silent during sex, but he stifled every ounce of his pleasure and basked in it somewhere in the deepest part of his mind.

It wasn't long before he finished and pulled out of me, leaving me to stain the cold hardwood floor with tears that he'd caused. I heard him walk over to the bed, take his bullets out of his gun and put it back in his suitcase. He _really_ did have a loaded gun. My life was at the mercy of a maniac.

He got back in the bed and not one time did he ask me to join him, nor did I want to. If I had my way, this would be the final time he would have me so intimately yet destructively. He'd ruined our marriage and thought he'd taken everything from me. Little did he know I still had some fight left inside of me. He didn't take it all and if I could find the strength, he would never take it.

I stood up from the floor and pulled my pants back up and went into my bathroom. I was horrified by what I saw in the mirror. My eyes were sunken and I looked down right conquered. James had destroyed my self-confidence, my dignity, my sense of self-worth or right and wrong…Kate was right. He was toxic and this relationship had to end before it killed me one way or the other.

I understood that a lot of abusive behaviors were ingrained and that they may be a part of a person's personality. I don't know…maybe James did have demons. The jury was still out on that one, but one thing he was right about was that he needed help. I knew he'd had a troubled childhood and that some of his abusiveness may have stemmed from that. I didn't know. I just knew he wasn't able to recognize the root of the problem and even if he did, I seriously doubted he knew how to resolve it.

I stood there watching him lying on my bed and clenched my fist out of frustration. I was frustrated because I couldn't change him. I couldn't make him take responsibility for his actions and beliefs about who he was as a person or as my husband. No one would be able to do that for him. He had to be the one to do it. I seriously doubted he could even sit down and explain to someone if he could describe how he felt when I "tempted" him or wound him up, or how he felt after one of his blood curdling abusive episodes.

What I really wanted to say to him in the yard or at least challenge himself to do was to ask himself some questions. He needed to stop and ask himself why he regularly vented his frustration on me, and why he thought I was making a big deal out of nothing or as he put it, 'being so dramatic.'

He should ask why he kept telling himself that what he's doing is not so bad and that so-and-so would be far worse. Why was it that he thought that if I didn't wind him up on purpose, then the abuse would not happen? Why did he convince himself that his husband deserved the abuse? These were the hard questions that I was afraid James would never be able to answer…whether by his own choice or not. To answer them affirmatively would mean that he had to take full responsibility for his actions. Somehow I knew that would never happen.

I finished cleaning up in the bathroom and walked over to the bed. We just looked at each other for a moment before I spoke.

"Is it alright if I go back into the living room?" Once again I was asking permission to do something as if I was his child.

"No." That was all he said. I should have known better than to ask. His resentful ass truly did believe I wanted to be with Kevin like that. I just shook my head and reminded myself that it was almost over. I walked around and climbed on the bed beside him. He rolled over and pulled me snuggly to his body. "This is where you belong." He whispered and locked me down with a vice grip. "In _my _bed, not beside another man."

_It's almost over Jasper. Today is the last day._

"I just want to remind you of your promise. We left Forks together and we will return together. Now you can either go dead or alive, but either way your body will leave with me on Sunday. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, sir, I hear you." _Dead will be the only way I leave with you._

"That's my good boy." He muzzled my neck and whispered in my ear. "Oh and Jasper…don't try anything funny because you won't be the only one who gets hurt."

Oddly enough, his threat didn't bother me as much as it had yesterday. I guess I was tired and had enough. Part of me believed that he was serious, but another part of me believed that he didn't have the balls to do it.

I sighed and kept quiet as he pinned me to his body. James was seriously fucked up. He had some serious stuff going on inside of him. I knew from my research that there were several perpetrator programs available throughout Washington state, though not in all areas as yet, and many of them accepted self-referrals—as if he would check himself into one. To my knowledge, there were several counselors and other professionals who were qualified to help him. Some of them ran home study courses for abusers which looked to the underlying beliefs and attitudes that created an environment in which abuse in the first place. The courses are designed to work with the most dangerous violent offenders, but James would never go for that.

According to Kate, darling husband could potentially face prosecution for his violence against me. The court had the option of referring him to one of those programs or possibly other programs ran by the probation service. His attendance would not be optional and would be a condition of his probation.

I had basically decided that if Kate recommended couple counseling or mediation that I would not go for it. Violence has been, and was still an issue in our relationship and that stuff would not work. I wanted out. James would make a thousand promises that he never intended to keep just to keep me bridled under his thumb. In my opinion, _if _I were to even consider staying with James, which hell would freeze over first, the abuse would need to be dealt with _before _any form of joint counseling or mediation could be effective. Otherwise it would just deflect from the actual problem and fudge responsibility issues.

I believed that James could benefit from anger management courses, but truthfully they would probably not be effective at dealing with his abusive behavior because the abuse he inflicted on me was less about being able to control anger. I was more about his basic attitudes and control issues. In short, anger management was only part of the problem. The real root of the problem went much deeper than either of us realized.

James was a master of manipulations. He was pleading for help outside to save his ass. He couldn't possibly believe that getting help, as he put it, would save our relationship. What he needed to understand was that I didn't want it anymore. I was tired and fed up with it. He could go see all the counselors he wanted or take hundreds of classes, and that would not erase the hurt and damaged he'd caused. Too much had already happened and my trust in him could not be rebuilt.

I was anticipating him pulling out all of his cards once I split. Sadly as it would be, he would refer himself to a perpetrator program in a bid to stop me from leaving, which was basically what he was suggesting outside. He would do it to persuade me to come back and give our relationship another try. I knew James, he would take something that was supposed to end with a positive outcome and approach it with the wrong motives and use it as a tool to get or keep what he wanted…me! I had no doubt in my mind that the programs could help him if he _wanted_ to change, but he didn't. He'd pretty much said so himself, and because of this he was going to have to accept that he'd lost my love forever and that he would never hurt me again.

The sun started peeping through the curtains and I heard some movement downstairs. James heard it as well. It was Kevin and he was looking for me.

"Jazz?" He called softly.

I moved to get off the bed, but James held me tighter. "Jay, just let me tell him I'm okay."

He clamped down on my wrist.

"Ow, Jay." My voice was still low, but louder than I had been speaking.

"Why would you need to tell him that?" He seethed. "What have you told him? Why would he even think you are not okay with your husband?"

"Jay, let go, you're hurting me." He ignored me.

"Jazz, where are you?" Kevin called again and I heard him coming upstairs. If he heard me, he would literally kick the door down to get in here to me.

I decided to just let him know before this got out of hand. "I'm in here, Kev."

"Are you good?" There was no mistaking the tone of his voice. He was clearly letting me and James know that if I was not, he was about to take action.

"James, please let me go." I whispered. "I'm just going to the door."

"What did you tell him?" He bore down on me.

"Nothing…" I tried to wiggle free of him. "I'm coming Kev."

"Stop fucking with me Jasper." He warned.

"I'm not. I'm just going to the door." I repeated.

He let me up and I walked over to the door and cracked it open, deliberately leaving the lights off so that he could not see that I had been crying.

"I was just getting ready to wash up." I lied.

"Dad just text me and he's already up and ready to go for a run. He wants you to come with us."

James would never go for that besides I wasn't feeling up to that, but there was no way in hell Kevin was going to leave me here with James.

"Okay, just let me change and get my shoes."

He nodded. "Oh, good morning Uncle JP." He said turning around.

"Good morning, Dad." I greeted him.

"Morning, boys." He came and stood next to Kevin obviously thinking the same thing he was. "Mickey wants to go for run. You boys game?"

"Sure." We said and I heard movement behind me. "I'll be right down."

They both looked at me and I pleaded silently with them to just let it go.

"Five minutes." My Dad stated. "Then I'm coming for you."

I smiled at him. "Okay, Dad. I just need to change."

"Okay." And with that they left.

I closed the door and nearly tripped over James when I turned around. His eyes were liquid death. I tried to slide past him but he wasn't having that. I backed away from him in case he decided to punch me or something. Surprisingly, his face softened.

"Well aren't you going to invite me, honey?" He asked. I knew that would go over just peachy with the guys. "If not, I would probably be just fine here with your mother."

I felt my eyes bulge. Surely he wouldn't hurt her. He was full of shit. He was just trying to get a rise out of me.

"I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind if you came along."

He smiled triumphantly. "Great. I could use a good tread."

I nodded and quickly brushed my teeth and changed. By the time I was putting on my shoes James was coming out of the bathroom looking like he'd literally been up all night…oh wait, he had. Son of bitch!

We went downstairs and the looks on their faces when they saw James coming down almost made me laugh. I smiled sideways at them and went into the kitchen to get some water to drink before our run. James said something to them but they both ignored him and drank their water. He was little offset by that, but drank his without another word.

We filed outside only to be joined by Uncle Mike within a couple of minutes. Saye and Levi were with him and when he saw James he pretty had the same reaction that my Dad and Kevin had. I smiled and he rolled his eyes. We stretched and warmed up for our run and off we went. I was sure they wanted to get me alone so they could talk to me, but James ran quick interference on that.

James was an excellent runner, and so was I, but he lagged behind them and made me run beside him by pulling my arm until I was jogging at a steady pace beside him. I shook my head and kept running. This was going to be a long day.

A/N: James is a bitch. There I said it. I am so ready for him to get his ass served on somebody's plates. Jasper has had enough. He's ready to make that first step.

Please review. I want to know your thoughts about the characters in this chapter. Thanks for reading.


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